A month since the operation, and I feel fine. There is however one unfortunate side effect which I need to share with you.
I can’t blow my nose properly.
If I sneeze with my mouth closed, or blow my nose REALLY REALLY HARD, I feel this sudden POP under the skin of my skull covering the implant, like a bit of air’s escaped and has momentarily inflated the skin like a comedy balloon.
It feels… unpleasant.
Turns out there’s only one cure – you’re supposed to snort your snot out of your nose and into your throat, and then spit it out through your mouth.
That’s all fine, but… what if I’m in a meeting or something? Should I interrupt my colleague and hawk a massive stinking yellow-green loogie into a spittoon like some sort of Wild West character, or Gary Busey in Under Siege?
It’s only a minor thing, it’ll pass as soon as I get rid of this cold I’m sure. I’m occupying myself watching various videos on YouTube (not just old Steven Seagal clips).
The videos I’m watching are all on a similar theme, like this one:
Or this one:
Basically, I’m watching videos of lots of people getting their cochlear implants turned on, because I’m getting turned on tomorrow.
It’s been a month since the operation and I’m ready to chuck away my old hearing aid with its annoying whistling, its greasy ear mould, and try something different.
But the more videos I watch, the more I start to wonder what it’ll feel like.
A bit scary, maybe. Different. Unusual.
In all the forums and user groups, a lot of people say it sounds ‘bionic’, or just ‘awful’ at first.
The way I see it, there are three outcomes:
1) It works, and it works really well, and everything is great.
2) It works, but it sounds weird, and it takes me a long time to get used to.
3) It doesn’t work at all, and they have to take it out through surgery.
I’m hoping for option 1, with option 2 being most likely, and option 3 being the worst.
William Mageris an award-winning director for film and TV, who made his first film aged 14 when he “set fire to a model Audi Quattro and was subsequently banned from the school film club for excessive pyromania.” He’s made short films, dramas and mini-series, and works for the BBC. Find out all about his work at his personal website – and if you’re on Twitter, follow him here.
Either way, I’m just looking forward to seeing what happens. Wish me luck tomorrow.
Linda Richards
December 12, 2012
Hoping it ll be option 1 for you Billy. Lmr xx
Andy
December 12, 2012
I think hawking a massive loogie into the bin during the meeting will assert a certain amount of authouritah over others and assign you immediate alpha male status. Who wants to sit in the corner and wimpishly swipe a snivelling nose with a little pink hankie anyway?
Best of luck for today and the future.
Emma
December 13, 2012
Good luck for the big switch on!
It’s my implants’ 2nd Birthday 🙂
Switch on WILL sound weird, but it does get better.