A month since the operation, and I feel fine. There is however one unfortunate side effect which I need to share with you.
I can’t blow my nose properly.
If I sneeze with my mouth closed, or blow my nose REALLY REALLY HARD, I feel this sudden POP under the skin of my skull covering the implant, like a bit of air’s escaped and has momentarily inflated the skin like a comedy balloon.
It feels… unpleasant.
Turns out there’s only one cure – you’re supposed to snort your snot out of your nose and into your throat, and then spit it out through your mouth.
That’s all fine, but… what if I’m in a meeting or something? Should I interrupt my colleague and hawk a massive stinking yellow-green loogie into a spittoon like some sort of Wild West character, or Gary Busey in Under Siege?
It’s only a minor thing, it’ll pass as soon as I get rid of this cold I’m sure. I’m occupying myself watching various videos on YouTube (not just old Steven Seagal clips).
The videos I’m watching are all on a similar theme, like this one:
Or this one:
Basically, I’m watching videos of lots of people getting their cochlear implants turned on, because I’m getting turned on tomorrow.
It’s been a month since the operation and I’m ready to chuck away my old hearing aid with its annoying whistling, its greasy ear mould, and try something different.
But the more videos I watch, the more I start to wonder what it’ll feel like.
A bit scary, maybe. Different. Unusual.
In all the forums and user groups, a lot of people say it sounds ‘bionic’, or just ‘awful’ at first.
The way I see it, there are three outcomes:
1) It works, and it works really well, and everything is great.
2) It works, but it sounds weird, and it takes me a long time to get used to.
3) It doesn’t work at all, and they have to take it out through surgery.
I’m hoping for option 1, with option 2 being most likely, and option 3 being the worst.
William Mageris an award-winning director for film and TV, who made his first film aged 14 when he “set fire to a model Audi Quattro and was subsequently banned from the school film club for excessive pyromania.” He’s made short films, dramas and mini-series, and works for the BBC. Find out all about his work at his personal website – and if you’re on Twitter, follow him here.
Either way, I’m just looking forward to seeing what happens. Wish me luck tomorrow.
The Limping Chicken is the world's most popular Deaf blog, and is edited by Deaf journalist and filmmaker Charlie Swinbourne.
The site exists thanks to our supporters. Check them out below:
- Signature: Leading awarding body for BSL qualifications
- Ai-Media: Remote captioning. Find out the benefits of live captioning at university!
- Bellman & Symfon: home alerting solutions
- Deaf Umbrella: sign language interpreting and communications support
- BSL Zone: TV programmes in BSL for the Deaf community
- Stellar Communications: Speech-to-Text services
- Appa: Communication services for Deaf, Deafblind and hard of hearing people
- SignLive: Online video interpreting for Deaf people
- SignVideo: Instant BSL video interpreting online
- 121 Captions: captioning and speech-to-text services
- Eyewitness Media: TV and film from a Deaf perspective
- The National Theatre: Captioned and BSL accessible theatre in London
- Doncaster School for the Deaf: education for Deaf children
- Signworld: Learn BSL online!
- Helen Foulkes Translations: BSL translations
- RAD Tax Advice: Tax and Tax Credit info for Deaf people
- Performance Interpreting: BSL interpreting at concerts
- National Deaf Children's Society: The leading charity for deaf children
- Signed Culture: Advocating for BSL access to arts and culture
- SignHealth: healthcare charity for Deaf people
- CJ Interpreting: communication support in BSL
- British Society for Mental Health and Deafness: Promoting positive mental health for deaf people
- Action Deafness Communications: sign language and Red Dot online video interpreting
- BSLcourses.co.uk: Provider of online BSL courses
- Association of Notetaking Professionals: The professional body representing Electronic and Manual Notetakers
- Sign Solutions: communication support, training and translation
- InterpretersLive: On demand BSL video interpretation
- Hamilton Lodge School in Brighton: education for Deaf children
- Lipspeaker UK: specialist lipspeaking support
- Hearing Choices: Australian hearing aid specialists
- Elmfield School, Bristol: Inclusive education for Deaf pupils
- deafPLUS: BSL advice helpline
- Exeter Deaf Academy: education for Deaf children
- Royal Shakespeare Company: Captioned and BSL interpreted performances (see dates here)
- Royal School for the Deaf, Derby: Residential education for deaf children