Ask the chicken: I’ve broken up with my Deaf boyfriend but I keep seeing him around. How can I move on?

Posted on June 5, 2013

In an uncertain world, there’s one person you can turn to for dependable advice: the limping chicken. Offering sensible tips for all kinds of common deaf-related problems. Here’s the second instalment of our new ‘agony chicken’ column…

A, London asks:

I broke up with my boyfriend two months ago after three years together.

We decided to break up as a mutual decision, because we were not happy for the last six months, and after we broke up, I felt really relieved.

But I keep seeing him everywhere! At Deaf parties, events and at our friends’ houses. It’s strange, acting like friends again.

Both of us are Deaf sign language users and in the three years we were together, we spent all of our time with the same group of friends. His friends became my friends, and my friends became his friends!

It’s making it really hard to get over him, because when I do meet new people, he’s there. I have to confess I also have mixed feelings if I see him flirting with someone else. What should I do?

The chicken replies:

Talk about being stuck between a rock and a hard place! Or as we chickens like to say, a coop and a chicken shed. Ahem.

This is one of those problems that is unique to the Deaf community. In a world where everyone knows each other, how do you cope when you fall out with a friend, get fired by a Deaf boss or, as in your case, break up with a partner?

If you were a hearing person, it’d be easier to spend a bit more time with a different friendship group, go out more often with your work colleagues or simply go home for a few weekends with your parents.

Clearly you don’t want to stop spending time with your Deaf circle of friends, but nor do you want to spend all your time being reminded of the relationship you used to have.

So I suggest something in between.

Your ex is male, isn’t he? And you’re female. So firstly, why not use gender as a solution?

Do more stuff with the girls for a while. Take the initiative and book a few social events in that men wouldn’t usually be interested in. It could be as simple as having a girl-only meal, watching a rom-com, and er, whatever else it is that women enjoying spending time together doing (this chicken’s a man. What do I know?)

Secondly, why not go to a few Deaf events that are a tad further afield?

There’s fun stuff happening in the midlands and in the north that could give you the chance to not only get a break from your ex, but also check out what other regions may have to offer in terms of prospective future partners.

Of course, it’s inevitable that you’re still going to run into your ex from time to time, but finding a bit more variation in your social life should make moving on a lot easier.

Good luck!


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