Emily Howlett : 12 hilarious things I’ve seen children say about being deaf (BSL)

Posted on May 21, 2015

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EmilyHowlett

There’s plenty of doom and gloom around at the moment. It’s easy to get swallowed up in it all, and feel as though everything you see is negative.

Fortunately, there’s also plenty of small children whose timely comments can punch through the despair and leave you smiling again. Or doubled over with laughter.

To watch this article in BSL, signed by Lara Draper, click play below (read on below for the English!):

I gift you these gems that I’ve seen children say about being deaf, with a promise that there’s still plenty to smile about in the world.

Here they are:

“The thing is, if you use signing languages, you can say stuff really fast. Speaking takes forever. That’s why my mum and dad can tell me off really fast, and I might listen, but the teachers take too long and I get bored, and I can’t listen.”

“What if the teacher learned to sign?”
– “That would be very bad.”

“Can I see your hearing aids? OH WOW! Why is that bit all yellow? Is that earwax? THAT’S DISGUSTING!… Can I lick it?”

“My mum was, like, “Do I look stupid?” and I didn’t dare answer so I pretended I thought she was signing something about maths homework, ’cause it’s kinda the same.”

“What’s that on your head?”
– “What do you think it is?”

“Well, you know in that film with the aliens? And the little aliens live inside our heads? And they have to take your face off to get inside your head to sit and control you from behind your eyes? Well, I thought it might be a door so they don’t have to take your face off to get inside.”

“It’s a cochlear implant. It helps me hear.”
– “That’s soooo… boring.”

“I’ve got new hearing aids that match my shoes. They’re colour co-operative.”

“My grandma is deaf now. I still visit her. I don’t think I can imagine what it would be like to be deaf, but that’s ok, because I don’t think my grandma can imagine what it would be like to be seven.”

“I like being Deaf because I don’t have to listen to all the things other people do, like when people say, “Are you deaf?”, I don’t have to hear that.”

“When my brother hits me, I don’t hit him back. Because we’re deaf, but our parents aren’t. So they always hear something and turn round to look. So they always see the second hit. So I make sure I always hit him first.”

And just in case anyone thought it was all over…

“There’s been some politicians. They’re the wrong sort, but they somehow got to be politicians. I’m not sure EXACTLY what that means, but if they start upsetting people then I guess I will have to do something. I’ve got stuff ready just in case; my sword, even though it’s got blue paint on the end, and my hairbrush and I’ll probably use my drums as well. And I’ve got a pen with cats on. They better watch out!”

Emily Howlett is a Contributing Editor to this site. She is a profoundly Deaf actress, writer and teacher. Emily is co-director of PAD Productions and makes an awful lot of tea. And mess. She now has not one, but four grey eyebrow hairs. C’est la vie. She tweets as @ehowlett

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