Whether born deaf, deafened later in life simply a deaf aware hearie you will at some point no doubt have stumbled upon the golden rule of deafness. It’s the opposite of the Fight Club rule, which I can’t really get into.
If there were a welcome pack leaflet, it would be at the top of the list…
It’s a pretty simple rule really, so it’s kind of funny (in a rage inducing way) that so many people forget about it.
It’s not even exclusive to deaf people. No one likes being ignored/excluded etc, we’ve all been through it. We can all relate.
And now it has literally been proved by science (yes, SCIENCE!) that being ignored sucks!
According to scientists (dubious internet ones, yet scientists nevertheless) being giving the silent treatment, cold shoulder or whatever you want to call it can cause great emotional and even physical pain.
Get ready for some hardcore science…ready? OK.
Apparently, being ignored by a group or individual (even one that you think is a complete douche) will still register pain. It activates the anterior cingulate cortex which is the part of the brain that detects…wait for it…physical pain!
There’s even a big fancy word for it. Ostracism. Incidentally, it had nothing to do with ostriches.
So every time a hearie gives it the old “never mind”, “it doesn’t matter” or “don’t worry about it”, they might as well be literally, straight up just punching you in the face…with a chair.
So whoever you are, where ever you are (especially if deafies are involved, we deal with this crap all the time) respond to that email, send that text message and please do tell it again.
Being noticed is a huge deal and it really DOES matter.
Read more of Teresa’s posts (with cartoons!) by clicking here.
Teresa is a freelance film maker, photographer and full time cynic. At school, she was voted “Most likely to end up in a lunatic asylum”, a fate which has thus far been avoided. Her pet hates are telephones, intercoms and all living things. Follow her on Twitter as @TGarratty
Tim
May 5, 2017
I like this article because it makes an important point in a humorous way.
An excellent way to find out pretend friends of deaf people is to see who ignores some deaf people. Those who fancy that they can ignore the deaf people whom they disapprove of really just enjoy power and control over deaf people.
There are also some deaf people who think that they can shun or ignore other deaf people by using some dumb excuse, like ‘her sign language is not fluent enough’ or ‘he is not big D deaf’ or some other self-important sectarian nonsense like that.
samthornesite
May 5, 2017
Totally agree about the sectarian nonsense, Tim! I found out when I was a teenager living with profoundly deaf signers that the talent for ignoring deaf people isn’t restricted to those who can hear! I was severely deaf back then (profoundly, now) and my experiences of being included in their social group were rather mixed, shall we say…
samthornesite
May 5, 2017
Great article, Teresa! I particularly liked the cold shoulder picture.
The point about dismissing people’s requests to repeat things is an important one. Even the nicest people sometimes have days where they apparently can’t be bothered with a fully inclusive conversation. Sigh!!
Ann
May 5, 2017
Yes Sam. It’s so difficult to work out what’s going on for other people when I can’t follow. So how do you work out when to push it and when to let it go??
samthornesite
May 6, 2017
I tend to let it go after the first obvious eye-roll. By then, you know that even if you understand why they said belatedly, the momentum of the conversation is dead anyway. I only press if I think it was really important.