Here’s an article from an anonymous expert, who we’ll call Deaf Sex Guru (alas, not his real name). A reader asked him this question.
Question: is ‘bedroom activity’ any different when you’re wearing hearing aids?
Firstly, I should tell you that deaf people are notoriously direct when talking about love and all it entails.
One friend of mine asked my hearing partner when we last had sex. Straight out. When she first met him. He’s called her ‘the one who asked about our sex life’ ever since – even when I later told him her real name.
I texted this direct friend to find out a bit about her sex life. As you do.
Me: Do you wear your CI in bed?
She replied:
Her: Not really, it gets a bit messy if you get my meaning… however he still wears his hearing aids.
This made me wonder whether this was a man thing. Maybe men like to, ahem, hear what is going on when the lights are out?
I sent similar messages to mates with hearing aids asking whether they wore them in bed. Here are some of the replies:
F: they’re sometimes off, but mostly off cos they’re off already!
L: off, cos they’re in the way!
A: Nope, I don’t like to wear hearing aids when having sex, it’s the same thing as my glasses; too steamy!
P: If its straight to the nitty gritty I guess we’ve got aids in, but if in bed to sleep first or bath time, aids are out!
J: If quickies or unexpected sex outdoors we don’t give it a second thought!
I now feel I know a little too much about my friends. But I’m not sure if that’s a bad thing. Here is my favourite answer:
P: We need to leave them in, because we need to know if we make too much noise as it sets the baby alarm off with vibrating and flashing alerter!
The mind boggles.
I wonder what hearing people think going out with a hearing aid wearer might be like. Do they get worried about kissing them then hearing the dreaded ‘WEEEEEEEEEEEE’ as the hearing aids come loose and spill feedback out? And if it’s a digital hearing aid, SHRILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!
I can’t give any more information about this, but I confess I once saw a slightly, er, adult video which featured an ‘actor’ wearing blue hearing aids. The other actors didn’t seem to mind.
I suppose they were being paid enough to offset any fear of hearing a high-pitched whistle.
Do you wear hearing aids in bed? Would you go out with someone who does? Leave a comment below…
Deaf Sex Guru has asked to remain anonymous because if it came out that he’d written this, he would lose his career and home.
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najaorama
April 10, 2012
Wow a question I didn’t know I wanted to know an answer to. Great post.
Maria Grazia Zedda (@wideaware)
April 10, 2012
I think being deaf is great for a relationship. Forces you to look at each other in the face when talking, even arguing is fairer as you can’t just mutter stuff between clenched teeth 🙂 and hey, deaf people have more fun, they do it with the lights on!
Sasha
April 10, 2012
Great article.. People always seems to ask me this when they discover Im deaf 🙂
YouLiveJustOnce
April 11, 2012
We, some deafies, missed the most are the sound of moaning, does it mean we have longer sex?. ha… The practices we do in life like hearings do…we have 4 senses, u have 5 senses. Basically we are no different!
Lizzie Miller
April 11, 2012
Although we have only 4 senses those senses are more intense. You can see where this could, and can, lead to. I love this article. Thanks for posting it.
"late-deafened" 30-something guy
April 11, 2012
By the way I no longer wear hearing aids, nor have a CI.
I’m definitely more visual in the bedroom, yes I prefer to have the lights on, being very near-sighted makes me practically deaf/blind without my glasses, so if it’s “date night” I’m sure to wear my contact lenses.
Large mirrors are great, but women may be self conscious.
I can relate to most of the comments within the article. Great post!
Scott
April 11, 2012
Deaf people have sex? Really? Who’s been getting my share then? 🙁
Nadien Lucas
October 28, 2012
Ah! Scott…I bet you are a comedien..made me hoot with laughter…
Moi
April 11, 2012
If I or my partner make a noise in bed, who cares!
Like I tell my hearing peers, if I don’t like seeing what you are doing, either I close my eyes or I move my head – so you do the same, close your ears or leave the room!
Terri
April 20, 2012
I do LIKE to wear the CI processor so I can hear my hearing partner’s openly LOUD moans without him realizing that I DO hear by leaving my CI on… lol!!!
BrightEyes
April 30, 2012
During a recent encounter with a beautiful partially deaf man who has 2 hearing aids (I’m partially deaf too, but I don’t use hearing aids or CIs – my lip reading is better than his) we got the hilarious whistle from his two aids every time our faces got close together. After a while, he took them off as they became a bit of a mood killer – and besides, they didn’t stay on properly anyway when we were engaged in more, ahem, acrobatic pursuits. Although I’ve been partially deaf my whole life, I live mostly in the hearing world (family is hearing, education was mainstream, and early attempts I made to explore BSL and the Deaf community when I was younger were met with not much friendliness…) and I’m not worried by potential partners having hearing aids or CIs – in fact, it’s kind of brilliant to go to bed with men who are more deaf aware than most. Every experience is an interesting one, and you adapt to whatever situation you’re in!
Justin
May 14, 2012
Hehe, actually, I do like to leave my HAs in. I’m HoH, and also admittedly (turning red) will say that HAs are an odd turn-on for me. (Always wanted to have a gf who wore HAs and shared my excitement, but it never happened). I like the feeling of them, the volume, being able to hear my partner, and yes, even the feedback gives me goosebumps–though ‘analogue’ HAs have ‘better’ whistles, haha!
Regan
May 17, 2012
I actually can’t believe it’s taken this long to be brought up! personally I prefer not to have them on – besides hearing is not reallyl a needed ‘sense’ for this is it?! 😉
Lilah A.
July 18, 2012
I am seeing a man who is HOH and depending on what is going down he takes his off or leaves it on. I do not mind whatsoever but I feel he does when it shrieks because of my earrings or anything else. He is honestly the best sport about things. I have started to learn ASL and he teaches me some. With or without HAs our bodies give off enough cues.
James of Ascot Vale
July 21, 2012
Wearing hearing aids, I still need people to look at me, it’s just that they no longer think I am ‘simple’. Mostly, I wear them to please everybody else. They are uncomfortable (OK as far aids go, but uncomfy) and make me feel old. My hearing is 15% without them, 33% with (but you can’t really quantify like that, though) and I can hear a lot more sound, but communication is still hard.
Most people don’t try and talk to me now, as they want to avoid an embarrassment! As for sex… my hearing aids scream: “I am genetically inferior. If you let me screw you, your babies will be deaf.” This is natural selection at work. Most deaf guys I know settle for a fat, stupid bogan or spend years not having sex.
Lia
September 10, 2012
I hear pretty well with my HAs on…. I love hearing the guys moan. If I take them (it does not matter for what reason), it is still incredibly sexy to watch the guys’ faces change to that if extreme turn on and are about to come. Much better to be deaf as you are more visual to many things.
For those people who are hearing, try to plug up your ears and hear things to a minimum and make love to your other half. Watch their faces. Sense their bodies changing. Feel their breaths quicken. I can keep on explaining and giving out descriptions but I think you get the idea!
Justin
January 7, 2013
🙂 What kind of HAs do you wear? (I wear Starkey BTEs)
Nadien Lucas
October 28, 2012
I am deaf with cI…it’s out at night, however, I find touch is a universal language 🙂
Harry
March 8, 2013
I’m deaf, but my girlfriend of a few years is hearing. I prefer not to wear any type of aid, and to be honest they don’t make much of a difference for me in any setting, really.
but I mean (in bed) there are a couple of tricks we try to level out the playing field, hearing-wise (to some extent.) I’ll put my hand on her throat, so that way I can feel the vibrations beneath my palm when she moans, and she doesn’t mind in the least. also, I find that if I kind of just hover above her mouth, and feel her breathing synchronize with the vibrations… it’s the most surreal feeling. but at the same time it’s kind of frustrating and unfair, you know?
hope I helped! I can relate to loads of these comments, so thanks for posting… it’s sort of comforting to know there’s other guys going through this, too.
Chey
June 17, 2013
Love this!! I personally take mine out . . . And it works out well when someone comes home in the middle of my and my partner’s . . . exploits. He asks if I want to wait until his father quiets down in the kitchen and I can say, “Nope I can’t hear him!”
Because face it, the world is never quiet when you want it to be, and though my partners are usually hearing and can be bothered by other noises, if I don’t have my aids in I don’t really have to worry about it!
Jo
September 10, 2013
I love things in my ears…. tongues, moistened fingers, earplugs, earphones, hearing aids…. doesnt matter. It ESPECIALLY makes sex that much more amazing for me. I dont know why or what it is, cant find much info about it. My partners have all been very understanding and accommodating AND in a couple of cases I have introduced (or exposed unbeknownst to them) something they now enjoy (most likely with others)! So, for me, yes, I wear my hearing aid to bed and the other ear is fair game for my partner to explore, probe, …. well I dont have to explain! 🙂
Elizabeth Newell
November 1, 2013
I’m hard of hearing and wear bilateral hearing aids. I usually take them out for sex (or napping, snuggling) because they are uncomfortable when rolling around and I don’t want them nibbled on! Also, getting really sweaty with my hearing aids in makes me nervous for their safety. Mine are pretty good about not giving feedback, but I had a BF once who had hearing aids that gave a lot of feedback when making out which was kinda cute, but I can see how it could get annoying. I feel I miss out on being able to hear my (hearing) partner’s reactions and subtle things like changes in his breathing, but it is just something that I deal with. My hearing partners seem fine with either them staying in or pausing a moment to take them out, but I guess I wouldn’t date someone who couldn’t deal with that! I usually take my glasses off too, which I think most people find legitimate and normal.
John Thornton (@JohnLThornton)
December 21, 2013
I’m HoH with poor BSL skills. An early boyfriend of mine was Deaf and introduced me to BSL. I shall never forget the first time we slept together. “Afterwards” we lay in bed, lights out and in the dark, snuggling up and spooning. He reached for my hand and, using hands-on signing, said: “I love you”.
That was nearly 30 years ago but memory of the wonderful thrill it gave me remains with me here today.
hope
March 22, 2015
i think it would be a great :-). I just need to to learn how to sign.