The Secret Deafie: When I played the ‘deaf card’ – in a prime mugging spot

The Secret Deafie is a series of anonymous columns written by different writers. Our fifth contributor tells us about how he played the ‘deaf card’ in a prime mugging spot…

Many years ago I was walking home over a dual carriageway bridge – which I now realise was an ideal mugging spot, as it was away from the general public, from help etc.

So as I crossed over the narrow high sided bridge, I noticed two thuggish men – one large and one short.

In my mind, I thought “What if they want to mug me?” but I carried on – as hesitation is a sign of weakness!

As I approached them, they both blocked my way, and the short man shouted “Stop, give me your money if you want to carry on!”

Immediately, I extended my arm, looked at my wrist watch, and said “Its five past four”

The short man said “No, I said I wanted your money.”

I replied (I knew what he was saying as I could lipread him)

“I am sorry, I am deaf and I can’t lipread you very well. I assume you’re asking me for the time, as I said, its five past four.” I showed him the time on my wrist watch.

The tall thug decided to walk off laughing his head off. The short thug was a bit determined and carried on talking to me!

He took out a five pound note, pointed to it, pointed to me then pointed to himself and pointed to the bridge behind him (as if trying to say “money, you give me then you can carry on on your way”)

At that point, my mind was working super-fast. I really wanted to take the five pound note from his hand and say “oh thank you sir.”

But playing it safe – I replied instantly: “I am so sorry sir, I don’t have any change” (and I was carrying £40 in cash!)

The short man stomped off never to be seen again.

I carried on my way home as if nothing happened!

Do you have a story or experience you’d like to share? If you’d like to write a Secret Deafie column, just email thelimpingchicken@gmail.com