The Secret Deafie: My fare-dodging confession

The Secret Deafie is a series of anonymous columns written by different writers. Today’s Deafie is ready to confess… but before he does we would like to make it clear that this website in no way condones his actions.

I have a crime that I must confess to.

For me, travelling without paying my train fare has become one of life’s habits.

I have grown too old for hiding in a toilet for an hour or two, and now, my standards have improved. However I have been known to hide under the seats if the toilet’s engaged. (Not something I would recommend for comfort though!!)

I decided to attempt to avoid the fare by saying “I’m Deaf” when the inspector came to ask for the ticket.

My first attempt worked amazingly, he just panicked and gave me a thumbs up…I thought of all the hours spent in a toilet cubicle when I could have been traveling in comfort and still not paying.

I must say that I had to give myself a high five for this trick. After a while, I came up with a different mode of operation because my luck it seemed had come to an end.

One day, the inspector shook his head and demanded a ticket. I tried the line three times and gave up and paid in full. I hoped it was a one off but unfortunately it kept happening. .

So I decided that I would speak like my teachers had always wanted me to (well they told me my speech was excellent) and so I told him where I wanted to go and how I was going to get there and what sort of ticket I wanted.

But of course he couldn’t understand a word of my ‘alien’ speech and walked away confused and a little panicked.

So my teachers were right, my speech is excellent.

Excellent for getting free travel on the rail network anyway.

Do you have a story or experience you’d like to share? If you’d like to write a Secret Deafie column, just email thelimpingchicken@gmail.com