The Secret Deafie is a series of anonymous columns written by different writers. Today’s Deafie tells us about two examples of the treatment she received from waitresses in a restaurant.
I have two stories to tell you.
Firstly, I was staying in a hotel with several people, mostly hearing, though some could sign, and we went to the hotel restaurant.
The hearing people were chattering away amongst themselves, so I confess I wasn’t paying 100% attention to my surroundings. The main meal had just been served and I was tasting my chips when one of my friends got my attention.
Due to the background noise drowning out my hearing aids and my tiredness, all I picked up from them was “mumble mumble mumble tomato sauce?” I replied:”Pardon?”
As I said “pardon,” in my peripheral vision, I saw the waitress walk away. I replied to my friend that I was actually waiting for the peppercorn sauce for my steak. “Yes, but would you like tomato sauce as well?”
I hadn’t really wanted tomato sauce, but somehow the knowledge that the waitress, who had to have noticed I was deaf (due to my hearing aids) unless she was blind as well as impatient, had walked off simply because I hadn’t heard my friend, before getting an answer to a simple question, gave me a craving for some tomato sauce.
When she came back, I made a point of asking for tomato sauce but I was so polite I’m not sure she even knew she was being subtly rebuked. Maybe I should have kicked over a chair and demanded equal treatment in all things no matter how seemingly minor. After all, how hard is it to wait 20 seconds to get an answer? If people can’t even be bothered to do that, where does that leave us?
But that wouldn’t be very British would it?
I didn’t leave a tip.
Secondly…
I was in a restaurant with friends. It was going nicely, and we were signing a birthday card for a mutual friend. We were onto desserts, and I was having some very nice waffles with belgian chocolate sauce and cream, which I was about halfway through when the card came around to me to sign.
Bending to my work and trying to think a suitably thoughtful and witty yet brief comment to write, I suddenly noticed that my waffles were levitating away from me.
Springing into action, I grabbed the plate and gently eased them away from the waitress who was trying to take them away with noises of protest of “hey, hey, hey, hey” and lowered them firmly back down to the table. I realised I might look a bit mad for grabbing my waffles back, but the waitress simply smiled and said “sorry.”
Well, I should think so. What’s wrong with tapping me on the shoulder to see if I still want my waffles? Which I do, thank you very much. Belgian chocolate sauce? Hello?
Note to waitresses – note the hearing-aids for heaven’s sake.
Don’t try and take my waffles away.
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Posted in: the secret deafie
CJ
May 28, 2012
note the hearing-aids for heaven’s sake.<<<< What if Like myself NO HEARING AIDS…Everyday Something new..Never a dull moment being Totally Deaf..
Me
May 28, 2012
This is why I write my order on a piece of paper. I don’t take a chance and hope that the waitress will notice my hearing aids. The waitresses have so many customers to serve, so many orders to bring to the chef, so many food to bring out, etc… It is my responsibility to help emphasize my Deafness – hence, my writing my order. I need to stand out. My hearing aids alone does not do the trick. Ever since I started writing my order, I have never, ever had a problem! I’m a happy eater!
barakta
May 29, 2012
Ugh. I hate eating out for this reason as my hearing aids are black and not noticeable so there’s no chance of “deaf awareness”. I am usually out with a bunch of hearies who have to tell me the waiter/waitress are speaking to me at all and usually relay what’s said cos I haven’t got a chance of hearing strangers over background noise.
I can never work out how hearies know they’re there given how noisy many places are.
I also suspect a hearie would rarely tap a person they don’t know on the arm, it’s just not done and in my experience of hearies trying it – they do it really strangely like tapping people’s arms really hard or worse rubbing people’s arms creepily.
Former waitress
May 31, 2012
I think you overestimate how observant hearing people are. The waitress, who was probably tuned to zombie mode anyway, (I used to waitress and it is DULL) almost certainly hadn’t notcied the hearing aids. I mean, lets face it…If my boyfriend can miss that I’ve had my haircut, a waitress can miss hearing aids.
Boo
October 24, 2012
I often think hearing people are the most unobservant people ever! I regularly say to my hearing friends “did you see that?”… and they NEVER do! We deafies SEE much more than hearies because we’re used to seeing. They are used to hearing, so they forget to see details. I also hate walking and talking to hearing people – I once got a concussion because I was walking in my work place and talking to a hearing colleague and I walked into a pillar. She didn’t tell me it was there because she… well she just didn’t. Deafies simply wouldn’t do that; if I’m walking and signing/ talking to another deaf person, I watch out for what’s around them and vice versa. MUCH safer with deaf people than hearing. I was once in the same position in a restaurant as the “tomato sauce” person and asked “can’t you see my hearing aids”… the waiter replied that he did see them but he had been “trained” not to point out people’s disabilities (and had subsequently completely ignored it!). Can’t win! Now I switch off my voice completely – although I have a very good speaking voice – and sign / gesture / write all the time. It’s more “visual” for the visually-challenged hearing people.