Hello, I’m Catherine. I was born profoundly deaf, although it wasn’t picked up until I was 6 months old.
I wore phonic ears as a toddler, eventually moving onto hearing aids. I was brought up to communicate orally, relying upon speech and lipreading, rather than sign language. I can vividly remember the numerous and often frustrating speech therapy sessions I attended as a child.
I was born in England in 1978, but moved soon after to Germany. My mother and father had trained as teachers, and decided to take up teaching posts in Hanover. There were several RAF and Army bases in Germany, all with schools for the children whose parents worked in the British Forces. I loved Hanover and can remember it clearly.
At 6 years old, we moved to Berlin. A new teaching post. The Berlin wall was still up, and we were very privileged to be able to visit East Berlin several times and each time, had to go through the famous Checkpoint Charlie. The Soviets were very serious and we were not allowed to communicate with them, other than pressing our passports flat against the car windows. I was pretty scared but amazed at how different life was on the other side. They seemed very poor.
At 8 years old, I was sent to boarding school in England. It was the Mill Hall School for the Deaf in Cuckfield. My mother and father felt I was falling behind and not coping very well in a mainstream school. It must have been a difficult choice for them, but on finding out, I can remember feeling ghastly and crying continuously.
Mill Hall School opened new doors for me and from being a nervous and isolated child, I opened up and the penny dropped. I had so much catching up to do and worked immensely hard.
However, I was terribly homesick as I had to live with foster parents, and couldn’t go home to Germany until the school term ended. The first term was eight weeks long. I spent many nights just crying, and writing letters home saying “Can you see my tears?” which had dripped onto the paper. I can feel my eyes welling up now as I write this!
Mill Hall was an oral school, but I learnt sign language through my friends. It gave me an extra and much needed level of confidence.
At age 11, I sat an entrance exam to get into the Mary Hare Grammar School for the Deaf in Newbury, Berkshire. I passed, and was thrilled to pieces. Mary Hare gave me the best time of my childhood. I am still in contact with several of my friends, and have kept a special bond with many of them. It was a boarding school, but lots of my friends went home at weekends. Still being based in Germany, I would often stay with my friends’ families at weekends. It’s fair to say that the person I am today comes from those formative years spent with my friends and their families.
When I was 18, I had to leave the safe and protective bubble of Mary Hare and return to the ‘hearing’ world again – a daunting prospect. I went back to Gutersloh, in Germany, and spent a year there. Mainly to get used to being with hearing people again, but also to spend time with my mother and father. To begin with, it was awful. I was so far away from my friends and missed them greatly. I hated being in Germany and it was a difficult challenge to live with parents after so long apart, particularly now as an adult and not a child. I felt very isolated and jealous of my friends who were still together back in England. However, we all did so much letter writing and I met up with my friends over Christmas, Easter and a summer in Cornwall. I started going running, and would run for miles! It kept me going but it was a very long year.
Now 19 years old, I embarked on a degree at the University of Plymouth. With the confidence I gained from taking a year in Germany, I had a fantastic time. The first year in particular. But I struggled with understanding the lecturers, even with a full-time note-taker sitting beside me. I got through it and after four years, including one gap year in Ipswich, passed with a degree.
It was during the gap year in 1999/2000 that I met my now husband Dan, who happened to have a summer placement at the same company I was working at. We married in 2002, and had two lovely sons – Elliott and Joshua, both hearing. My life was complete.
This all changed when my father-in-law died at the beginning of September 2011, aged 67. It was an absolute shock and utterly devastating. I was immensely fond of Terence and had always felt a special connection with him. His own father had gone deaf in early adulthood, but was strong minded and didn’t use hearing aids or other equipment to help him and those around him – perhaps fearful of society, which must have been very different then.
Having not been able to help his own father, I think Terence was pleased to have the opportunity to help me. He was always interested and always made sure I knew what was going on at family gatherings, sometimes including 16 of us, or days out. I am so grateful that we can talk about Terence to this day, and remember the good times. But it doesn’t help that I miss him. We all do.
Perhaps coincidentally, it was around this time that I noticed that my hearing loss, already profound and worsening each year, had degraded even more. Discretely, I started to lose my confidence again. The signs were there – feeling uncomfortable in group situations, declining invitations to social gatherings and avoiding chatting to groups of mothers at the boys’ schools.
In May 2012, I decided to book a hearing test with the audiology team at my local hospital. It was a standard process that I’d been through many times – the usual hearing tests, and then an increased amplification re-programme for my hearing aids, all done within a couple of hours.
The outcome from this particular meeting though, was anything but what I was expecting…
This article was first published on Catherine’s own blog, which you can find here: http://sounds-different.blogspot.co.uk/
Catherine lives in Norfolk and has a young family. Born profoundly deaf in 1978, she leads a busy life using a combination of hearing aids, lip reading and sign language. Following a deterioration in hearing in recent years, she is now in the early stages of getting a Cochlear Implant, and currently awaits feedback on her suitability. This is her story, told as it happens.
Robert Mandara
July 3, 2012
A very interesting, relevant and well-written artical Catherine! My hospital (in Finland) keep encouraging me to have an implant but, so far, I’m still not convinced that I would be able to hear better with one than I do with hearing aids. Would I hear better? That’s the golden question!
In many cases, I think that deaf people are getting implants when actually they would get better results with different hearing aids or better programming. How can you be sure that hearing aids cannot match the performance of implants? I became fed up with the hospital trying to program my hearing aids and eventually bought equipment and did it myself instead – the result is a massive transformation for the better. Hence I would urge you to be really sure that hearing aids really can’t fix the problem before going down the CI route.
One thing that I didn’t see mentioned in the article or on your blog was that cochlear implants may not be for you if you enjoy or play music. I love music as much as speech and that’s one reason that I haven’t opted for CI.
While following your story, it would be most interesting to see your current audiograms (and other tests such as verbal comprehension) both with and without hearing aids. Later on, if and when you have an implant, your new audiogram etc can be used as concrete proof of any improvement.
I wish you very good luck with whatever path you take!
Mick ✯ Canavan
July 4, 2012
Lovely article and quite sad. Your experiences as a child have probably been shared by many who read these posts and the ‘distance’ between you and your parents at that time must have been very hard to live through. Thanks for sharing.
On another matter – why does the reply from Robert Mandara mention the preference for hearing aids over CI becuase he likes music…..are hearing aids better for music then? (Robert?) Just interested.
Robert Mandara
July 4, 2012
Mick, I have been told by CI wearers that music does not sound good. No doubt it varies from person to person. Music doesn’t always sound good through hearing aids either of course – depends on how they’re set up etc.. But it seems to me that audiologists are primarily worried about us being able to hear speech and tend to neglect the importance of music. Music is emotionally important whether you play it or listen to it. Sometimes I would argue that it’s as important as speech but maybe I’m in a minority with that view.
Catherine Cooper
July 5, 2012
Thanks for your lovely message. I’ve put in my audiogram on my blog for you to see.
Mrs Helen Akers
July 4, 2012
Hello Catherine, I have discovered the limping chicken website by chance, read your story and thought I would like to comment. I have a cochlear implant, I had the operation 9 years ago. I was born with normal hearing, nobody else in the family with deafness, didnt suffer serious illness in childhood, so all they can say, is that it was probably a virus! Like you, I lost more and more hearing over about 20 years, had 2 small children, had to move to Australia with my husband’s job. I couldnt use the telephone, didnt hear the children, didnt hear any background noise, music, you name it, I missed it! At that point, living in Perth, not being able to communicate, we had no computer or mobile phone 15 years ago, I was at life’s bottom. What made it worse was knowing what I was missing and also in Australia, there wasnt much to help disabled deafened people. So, on return home 2 years later, I contacted Hearing Link which is am amazing charity based in Eastbourne and highly recommended.
I had the cochlear operation at the Ear Nose and Throat hosipital in Grays Inn Rd London. I think you know when you get to the point that you are not coping and have no hearing left to loose. It has been incredibly successful for me, it has given me my life back. Infact at the moment I am on a training course to become a lipreading teacher which I would definitely not have coped with before my operation. I feel I am having two lives, one before and one after!
In answer to Robert Mandara, yes, music is not good with a cochlear implant. I can hear the sounds and dance along to the beat, I can sing along to the old music I remembered before my hearing loss was too big, but new music is difficult to make sense of. the cochlear is trying to change the sound into speech thats why. But, seeing how much I can cope with otherwise, I would not have changed a thing.
It is a big decision to make, but the difference afterwards was enormous for me. I know more bird songs than my husband now! I use the phone without a second thought, I can talk in the dark, hear better than most in a noisy pub, hear conversation without lipreading every single word, hear all the background noises in the house, which reminds me, I need to go and shut the door, the tumble dryer is driving me mad!….. Good luck to anyone thinking of doing it, you may be surprised how little you have to loose, but I think you will know inside when you reach that point, everyone is different.
mmostynthomas
July 4, 2012
That hasn’t been my experience so far. I was a lifelong hearing aid user after going deaf at 16 months old, and despite coming from a fairly musical family had very little interest in music. I grew up mostly oblivious to the jazz and honky-tonk my mother would put on the stereo in the kitchen every day.
It’s only since I had my CI done last March that I have gradually started listening to rock and pop music – it’s a slow journey, but the biggest surprise for me is how much clearer singing voices sound with my CI than they ever did with my hearing aids. I cover this in my own blog: http://themostynthomasjournal.com/a-mothers-ci-journey/
But I agree with Helen Akers that everyone is different inside.
Catherine Cooper
July 5, 2012
Thanks for your post. It was interesting to read and I’m glad it has worked out so well for you. I’ll keep you updated!
A. Geleta
November 6, 2013
Thanks for sharing this. It was very rewarding to read. My grandchild has a C I this has helped me to understand how she feels about hearing different sounds.