We’ve all had them. Those annoying questions that well-meaning people seem to ask you again and again. And again.
Although their query might be perfectly innocent, they’re usually followed by an awkward pause as you work out how to respond, and explain.
But now, thanks to Limping Chicken, you can go out armed. Not with bullets, or a baseball bat – we don’t condone that at all – but with these ten verbal comebacks, designed to help you make your point in a nanosecond, before moving swiftly on to more interesting topics.
They’ve been tested, revised, and rewritten. They really work. But a word of warning. They should be used with extreme care.
It’s great to have someone like you here.
Hey! It’s even better to be greeted by someone like you! Your employer’s clearly very forgiving.
Is lipreading an exact science?
I’m not sure lapdancing is any kind of science at all. Why?
Can you tell him that we appreciate him coming here?
Can you tell her that I’m her client, not my interpreter. Speak to me.
You speak really well for a deaf person!
Thanks! You speak fairly well for a hearing person.
You were born deaf? What’s that like?
What’s it like to be born hearing? Maybe we can both educate each other?
I don’t like subtitles.
No worries. I don’t like sound!
You’re very brave.
Sorry, you must be confusing me for my uncle who’s beaten cancer twice. You know him? I’ll say hello!
Is sign language the same all over the world?
Yes! Just like all spoken languages are the same in every country… aren’t they?
You can drive? Is that legal?
We need a licence to drive? I wondered why that police car was following me.
My auntie used to have a deaf dog!
My auntie used to have a hearing dog. Wow! We’re definitely going to get along!
Charlie Swinbourne is the editor of Limping Chicken, as well as being a journalist and award-winning scriptwriter. He writes for the Guardian and BBC Online, and as a scriptwriter, penned My Song, Coming Out and Four Deaf Yorkshiremen.
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barakta
December 11, 2012
Love them all except the brave one which I think (unintentionally) is perpetuating the bravery cripspiration trope on people who have or had cancer… Not sure what would be a suitable alternative, maybe something silly like someone who is a lion tamer or something? 😉
theszak
December 11, 2012
How do you get Boston City Council to include cablecast/webcast Captioning in next year’s bids’ requirements for City Stenographer for public meetings?… The current stenographic record of public meetings of Boston City Council are in .sgstn stenograph stenonote format incompatible with typical computers used by folks with hearing loss.
A.Faulkner
December 11, 2012
I am a deaf person and frankly I find this article is really making the deaf ‘community’ look fragile. I can’t understand why some deaf people have this chip on their shoulder. Life is far too short for a step-by-step guide on how to give comebacks to questions that are harmless. People merely ask these question for further understanding on the disability, not on the person they are asking them to. Why anyone would feel the need to be so directly sarcastic and actually quite rude over this, is baffling.
Instead of following this article, answer the question honestly and try to break a smile realising that you have helped another person understand what it is like being deaf. Even though we are deaf and we are disabled from hearing, don’t act like the world is against us when we already have so much help.
Editor
December 12, 2012
I’m not sure how rude any of them really are, if said with a smile on your face! As I said – use with extreme care 🙂
Robert Mandara
December 12, 2012
While I tend to agree with A Faulkner’s view, and think that being rude in response to well-meaning curiosity will get us nowhere, I really like the lipreading/lapdancing one and can’t wait to use it! I would use it to get a quick laugh to break the ice rather than to come across as sarcastic though.
Cinderella98
August 4, 2013
As a hearing person I do agree that curiosity can come across as rude. But in some situations people are just trying to understand. I didn’t know that sign language was different in different countries. I have many deaf friends who are fine with people asking questions depending on how there phrased.