This article aims to highlight what can be a taboo subject where deaf people are concerned: love and sex. And here’s our first revelation: deaf people have sex. Yep. Amazing isn’t it?
So with his first question and revelations resulting from his subsequent, incredibly unscientific research, here’s the debut column from our expert, Deaf Sex Guru (alas, not his real name).
Question one: is ‘bedroom activity’ any different when you’re wearing hearing aids?
Firstly, I should tell you that deaf people are notoriously direct about the, ahem, ins and outs of the love game.
One friend of mine asked my hearing partner when we last had sex. Straight out. When he first met her. He’s called her ‘the one who asked about our sex life’ ever since – even when I later told him her real name.
I texted this direct friend to find out a bit about her sex life. As you do.
Me: Do you wear your CI in bed?
She replied:
Her: Not really, it gets a bit messy if you get my meaning… however he still wears his hearing aids.
This made me wonder whether this was a man thing. Maybe men like to, ahem, hear what is going on when the lights are out?
I sent similar messages to mates with hearing aids asking whether they wore them in bed. Here are some of the replies:
F: they’re sometimes off, but mostly off cos they’re off already!
L: off, cos they’re in the way!
A: Nope, I don’t like to wear hearing aids when having sex, it’s the same thing as my glasses; too steamy!
P: If its straight to the nitty gritty I guess we’ve got aids in, but if in bed to sleep first or bath time, aids are out!
J: If quickies or unexpected sex outdoors we don’t give it a second thought!
I now feel I know a little too much about my friends. But I’m not sure if that’s a bad thing. Here is my favourite answer:
P: We need to leave them in, because we need to know if we make too much noise as it sets the baby alarm off with vibrating and flashing alerter!
The mind boggles.
I wonder what hearing people think going out with a hearing aid wearer might be like. Do they get worried about kissing them then hearing the dreaded ‘WEEEEEEEEEEEE’ as the hearing aids come loose and spill feedback out? And if it’s a digital hearing aid, SHRILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!
I can’t give any more information about this, but I confess I once saw a slightly, er, adult video which featured an ‘actor’ wearing blue hearing aids. The other actors didn’t seem to mind.
I suppose they were being paid enough to offset any fear of hearing a high-pitched whistle.
Do you wear hearing aids in bed? Would you go out with someone who does? Leave a comment below…
Our resident Deaf Sex Guru has asked to remain anonymous because if it came out that he’d written this, he would lose his career and home.
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Andy
December 27, 2012
I married a hearing Cornish lady. At first we lived with my parents in a huge farmhouse and sex was a bit of an issue, my parents were pretty Victorian. So we tended to not do much at home in case they were listening. The thing was she had to listen for both of us and let me know if it got too noisy!
Fortunately Cornwall has many secluded and beautiful places for a bit of outside love. It really isn’t unusual for people to get carried away by all the romance of Cornwall! In fact coming across people bonking is fairly common here, being deaf I don’t hear the grunts. Tactful hearing people simply steer away, deaf ones practically step on the guilty parties and go OOPS!
Hearing aids or not? Well my wife was often asked ( as women do, in the ladies) “Does he wear his hearing aids when you…. y’know?”. She would answer “Depends where we are” and wink. Bless…
Screaming hearing aids… beyond a certain point, who gives a damn? Having a hearing wife is helpful when it comes to hunting for them afterwards however.
TestigSite
December 28, 2012
I never never never wear my hearing aids in the bed because it is too uncomfortable. And my ears need some rest too. I also don’t need to hear the snoring people, screaming kinds and so on, while I’m sleeping.
DeafDeaf
December 29, 2012
Do deaf people wear hearing aids/cochlear implants sleeping in bed? Why do the public safety/fire departments still think that way? They think these people can be alerted by the audio alert only smoke detectors? They do not think the people with hearing loss cannot hear the audio alerts when they sleep! That is why I fight for the regulations be amended to replace “audio only: with “dual visual/audio alerts” so millions of people with hearing loss have same protection by noticing the visual alerts. The laws only provide for multi-family residences, i.e., apartments, but not for single family residence, i.e. house, condo, etc. Those lawmakers refuse to amend because they receive donations from the real estate developers. It happens to every country!
Chris
February 5, 2013
I am deaf man and I dating hearing girl. With my hearing aids I hear a little mumble if someone close to me. Sirens and alarms sound same but hear it not too bad. I not really wear my hearing aids often until I meet girlfriend. She is only hearing girl I date before only deaf girls. I find my hearing aids help me little bit for lipread, which I horrible and slow at. Luckily she learns sign. I do not make special effort to remove hearing aids when sex but do take out them at night to sleep. My girlfriend like my hearing aids so it good.