Continuing our journey through our greatest hits since we were set up in February this year, here’s our second most viewed article, with nearly 10,000 views…
Whether you’re a signer, a lipreader, a hearing aid wearer or a cochlear implant user, or maybe a bit of each of those (and some other things too), there are some things that truly only happen to a deaf person. Things that simply don’t happen to everyone else. Here’s my long-held list below. How many have happened to you?
When you tell people you are deaf, they ask if you understand Braille.
You are forced to remove six-month old bits of food from your Textphone every time you make a phone call.
You curse your mobile phone’s auto correct function when you tell people that you’re “profoundly dead.”
Once in a while, you lose your hearing aids and spend the morning searching for them, before discovering them in the pocket of the trousers you are currently wearing.
At an audiology appointment, you try to *beat* the audiologist by watching them moving their hands on the dial. This makes them irate.
You go to a deaf party just for the warm embrace of a hundred ‘deaf hugs.’
When you get bored, you sometimes watch the live subtitling mistakes on Sky News for comedy value.
Your hearing aid batteries run out during a weekend away with your partner’s (hearing) relatives. You go to bed at 8pm every night out of sheer exhaustion from lipreading all day.
When you tell people you are deaf, they SHOUT at you. You don’t mind, even though it makes it harder to understand them, but the other people in the shop look concerned.
You are told by Deaf people – in a group situation – that you’ve put on a lot of weight recently. Everyone nods. This is completely ok.
Hearing people tell you that they understand your deafness because they had a deaf dog once. Who was later put down.
You have scars on your forehead from bumping into lampposts in the street as you walk and sign.
Hearing people you meet always show you the sign for bull****. You smile politely, but secretly wish you could show them an even ruder sign in reply.
You wake up on a long train journey to find all the passengers have changed and the train has arrived at the wrong destination.
You worry that the audiologist knows how much you love them piping goo into your ears when you have new earmoulds made. And that they’re enjoying it too.
The ‘8’ button on your old TV remote control was completely worn out from turning the subtitles on (by pressing 888).
You are regularly followed around by young children in shopping malls because they’re intrigued by your hearing aids.
You play the ‘deaf card’ in order to get onto the plane before everyone else. You feel slightly embarrassed as you overtake frail old people and families with children to take your seat on the plane. Then you get over it.
Despite changing your voice answerphone message so it tells people that you are deaf and they should text or email you, they STILL leave a voice message. That you can’t hear. (via Julia Cannings)
When you tell people you are deaf, they speak to the person next to you instead. Even when they’re not necessarily your interpreter. (via Ceilidh O’Sullivan aka @deafuganda)
You don’t quite hear the question you’re asked at the airport check-in desk, so you take a wild guess and answer “yes.” As you see armed police storming towards you, it hits you that the question was “are you carrying explosives?” (via Louise Moody aka @louisemoody)
Charlie Swinbourne is a partially deaf journalist and scriptwriter, as well as the editor of The Limping Chicken.
Lana Senchal
December 30, 2012
Poor you – having lots of problems with being Deaf! I do not bother with hearing aids and have a common sense not to talk and sign on the side where there are lampposts. My minicom is clean and I do not arrange answerphone because I know the Hearing people who never meet Deaf do not understand the word “Deaf” . I do not know any of my Deaf friends still pressing 888 ! The only thing I do share with you, the annoyance of trains changing etc at last minute and not being aware of. The person who said that you have put on weight probably had not seen you for ages – Deaf people are very visualists. Never mind – enjoy the New Year. Hugs from me to you!
Runaway Train
December 30, 2012
I’m technically HI (auditory processing disorder) so not all that many of the above specifically apply to me. (I usually get ‘oh, yeah, my hearing’s not very good either’ – !!) Though the first thing I used to do when we went on holiday was check whether the TV *had* Ceefax/Teletext in order to put the subs on 😀
Walking and lipreading is just as dangerous as walking and signing 😉
Missing the train because the platform change went undisplayed on the information screen is incredibly annoying (one assumes it was announced over the tannoy, unless hearing people are somehow telepathic as well).
Also, having the tube train doors slam in your face because you didn’t hear the warning beeps is a little bewildering. I still haven’t got used to it!
(I actually do love trains. I’m just not so keen on the lack of deaf/HI awareness on the part of those who run the train companies.)
lisa
December 31, 2012
I could be wrong, but I do not think it was the intent of the writer to come off as complaining as opposed to sharing common likes/links. I had a good chuckle as a majority of these statements I could relate to. It was a good read that I am going to share with others.
Liz stout
December 31, 2012
Hilarious and so true! Gotta love British humor!
Muriel
December 31, 2012
So funny!! And so true!! Especially being told in a group situation that you’ve gained weight and getting over pre-boarding. I used to be embarrassed to pre-board until a conversation with a well traveled deaf gentleman in Rome. He pointed out that as hearing people disembark from a delayed plane, they can hear gate numbers for their next flight and run to catch it, whereas deaf people have additional delays as they hunt down information. After that, it didn’t bother me a bit.
Stephen
January 1, 2013
I agree with Lisa – this gave me and my friends a good chuckle. Humor is man’s best medicine and I could relate to some of the incidents listed on here. Here’s to a good new year!