I have to be honest and say that I wasn’t entirely sure about writing this article; I’ve been asked to write about what it’s like to be a Deaf student and I don’t want to feel responsible for giving people the wrong idea about university life for deafies – however I think a lot of life lessons can be learnt from this story, so it deserves telling.
Last Monday I was sat in the group work section of the library with a number of people from my course having a conversation about the unfairness of something or other and I, hearing aid-less, was signing away at the same time as speaking. Suddenly the people around me started to look angry, and gesture towards the other side of the room.
Confused, I stopped speaking and turned around to work out what was going on. I asked my friend what had happened and she explained that a girl on another table had been “waving her hands around” to mimic me signing and was talking about how I was so loud. My course friends were irate on my behalf and were trying to explain to the girl that I was Deaf and had no idea how loud I was being, and that sign was how I communicated.
I was of course upset by the incident initially, but my friends were surprised by how calm I was.
Sadly, this isn’t the first time this has happened to me and my Deaf friends and I’m sure it won’t be the last. To be honest I feel sorry for this girl, as she’s clearly never had the pleasure of experiencing a Deaf person’s company or learning about different communication methods; maybe that opportunity would help to broaden her mind.
I did think that her behaviour threw up two interesting things that I’d like to express my feelings about.
Firstly this girl was a nursing student, from what I’ve since been told a 3rd year who will graduate this June. It seems to me little surprise that Deaf people so often experience trouble with NHS systems and discrimination when nursing students of the future are so close minded and quite frankly, immature.
As a social work student I’ve heard all about the service users with Learning Disabilities who have been treated as dumb and incapable, and the Deaf people who have had sign language – our language – thrown in their faces, mimicked and mocked (anyone remember the American TV show with the fake interpreter?) It shocks me that people can be so uneducated about the diversity of people who come from every walk of life, I’m especially sad when health students can’t respect that diversity.
This girl’s behaviour also threw sharp light on the difference between the people who know and have worked with Deaf people and those who have no experience.
My friends supported and protected me yet only 6 months ago they themselves could have been that girl, ignorant of sign language and unaware of the fact that as a Deaf person I’m often unsure of how loud I am. It shows how important it is to improve Deaf awareness amongst hearing people and to achieve goals such as a Signature GCSE in BSL. Steps like this will (hopefully) automatically make people recognise differences in language and culture and this will not only benefit Deaf people but anyone from a cultural minority.
Secondly, I just want to say that I’ve been rather blasé about this whole experience, but the truth is it did hurt me. The more I thought about it at the time the lower my confidence became. I’ve always thought I was rather good at recognising the loudness or softness of my own voice, and I’ve always been proud to sign even when no other deafies are around (I’m hoping my friends will learn through absorption…).
Yet this one girl knocked my confidence so much that for days afterwards I struggled to get up the courage to talk to anyone I didn’t know, or to even speak at all. However having processed it and spoken with friends and family I’ve realised that I should be proud of having good, if loud speech, and use it as much as I can. In fact in the end the girl in the library has, without realising, increased my determination to make others aware of my deafness.
After all, how else will they learn?
Ni Gallant is a Contributing Editor for the Limping Chicken and a deaf teen who has just started university. This year she was on the NDCS Youth Advisory Board and she also runs a Youth Group for Worcestershire deaf teens called “Deafinity.” She writes a blog (www.nigallant.blogspot.com) about life from a deaf teenagers perspective and says that “somehow what I said resonates with other young people – so I carried on!”
The Limping Chicken’s supporters provide: BSL translation, multimedia solutions, television production and BSL training (Remark! ), sign language interpreting and communications support (Deaf Umbrella), online BSL video interpreting (SignVideo), theatre captioning (STAGETEXT), legal advice for Deaf people (RAD Deaf Law Centre), Remote Captioning (Bee Communications), visual theatre with BSL (Krazy Kat) , healthcare support for Deaf people (SignHealth), specialist lipspeaking support (Lipspeaker UK), sign language and Red Dot online video interpreting (Action Deafness Communications).
wri7913
March 27, 2013
Two things. Your friends could have mentioned how loud you were being and signed to let you know that since you didn’t have your hearing aids in you probably were not aware of it. I’ve had my hearing friends do the same for me and helps me regulate my sound when I am hearing aid less.
From the nurses, perspective she probably had no idea at first you were deaf, just someone talking extremely loud and interrupting her ability to get things done. After all you both were in a Library and in a place were quiet is *expected*. Once she realized that you were Deaf, she should have behaved appropriately. Her waving and mocking your signs was immature on her part and she should have known better. As you pointed out, this doesn’t bode well for her as she will be helping people in the Health Industry and her bedside manner needs far more work from all indications.
Jill
March 27, 2013
I’m glad you’ve recovered from your brush with this ignorant and base person.
You are young – and will meet many different people as you go through life. Most will be touched by you and will learn from you as you will learn from some of them but occasionally you will come across people like this. I rather feel she would have mocked you even if you had been silent. And was your voice that loud? I don’t think so – you are a young woman and a sensitive young woman at that – hardly someone who could be accused of being loud. This is not your problem it is hers. Some people just don’t like difference: they feel threatened by it and have to make fun of it to feel better in themselves. I’m in my fifties yet still, every so often, when I’m least expecting it, I come across people like this and wonder what happened to them in their past to make them act in the hurtful and prejudiced way that they do. I don’t find that it ever gets any easier – I still get hurt. But, on the other hand, if we did find them easier we ourselves would be turning into harder people wouldn’t we?
Celebrate the positive that has come out of this nasty incident – you have some fantastic Deaf aware friends studying alongside you. Hmm… now I wonder who’s been educating them?
barakta
March 27, 2013
Ugh, yes I have had situations like this a little bit although hands flapping is usually mimicking my hand/arm impairments rather than sign language as I’m mostly oral. I am glad your friends backed you up because as you say that’s a place they’re at in recognising why you might be loud and why they need to be good allies.
I think the whole volume control of speech thing is hard cos hearies don’t know it is unintentional on our parts nevermind if it is ok to tell us. We deafies/HOHers don’t always remember to tell friends/colleagues that we may have difficulties regulating the volume of our speech and the best way for them to tell us about it if it is a problem. I can’t get relative volume right with or without hearing aids as it is so dependent on room acoustics and background noise and situation.
I would be wary of telling people I don’t know well about my speech volume because at mainstream school I had hearing pupils telling me I was being loud or “had farted” or other similar things when I wasn’t being loud or hadn’t done what I was accused of but because I was deaf I wasn’t allowed to say “I think you’re lying and using this to bully me”.
I had a manager once formally put in writing that I was aggressive and when I was shocked and said I did not know what I had done wrong to cause that impression the main issues described were staring or glaring at people (aka watching their faces to lipread or get body language – sometimes possibly leaning forwards to see clearly) and shouting and talking over people (aka not realising my speech volume was a problem and not realising I’d talked over someone I hadn’t heard). Additionally, because I don’t “sound deaf” to most hearing people I think sometimes flatness or other deafness characteristics of my speech are perceived to be emotional tonal issues rather than whatever tone I managed to get the words out in because speaking is difficult.
I’ve since learned that I need to establish trust relationships with new friends, colleagues or acquaintances and say “If I talk too loud or over someone it’s not intentional I’m deaf, much deafer than I sound. Please let me know by either waving at me, or tapping me lightly on the arm”. I will also explain to people who know me better about the tone of voice thing which is a bit more subtle.
I think it is sometimes these issues which are subtle and more about social communication smoothness which aren’t well explained and aren’t covered in deaf awareness sessions because most of deaf awareness is “How to communicate clearly enough for the deaf person to understand” not “How D/deaf/HOH people may behave because they hear less well than hearing people”.
wix4ever
March 28, 2013
Some good points above. You say you were in the “group work section” of the library. That doesn’t sound to me like a place where people are expected to be particularly quiet. I would have thought the university should provide a SILENT section too for people like the girl you mention.
deafnotdaft
March 28, 2013
I think Ni is possibly being a little hard on the girl in question. She was probably busy writing an essay against a tight deadline and became frustrated at being interrupted. How was she supposed to know that Ni was deaf and not being just generally noisy? (Serious question). And why wasn’t Ni wearing her hearing aids? Didn’t Ni know that she was likely to be louder than usual without them and so had to be extra sensitive to other people – especially in a place like a library where people are trying to concentrate? I think there are often 2 sides to stories like this.
Editor
March 28, 2013
I don’t think mocking someone for signing is the answer, though. Ed.
barakta
March 28, 2013
I would have more sympathy for this viewpoint if the hearing girl hadn’t mocked Ni’s signing by doing flappy hands. If she was really bothered she could have approached and asked nicely if Ni’s group or Ni could be a bit quieter please. It seems to have been a group working area so not ideal for “quiet” work.
Also why should Ni wear her hearing aids? I have no better volume control with mine in and on than when they’re off or out! I dunno about anyone else here but sometimes I just need to make the noise go away and it’s nice to be able to chill and sign without all the noise.
deafnotdaft
March 29, 2013
Hi barakta. My point is that Ni needs to be sensitive to the needs of hearing people in the same way that she expects them to be sensitive to her needs as a deaf person. She should wear her hearing aids if she knows that otherwise she’ll speak too loudly, especially in a library. This doesn’t excuse the other person’s rudeness, of course. But it might help explain it.
Ni Gallant
March 29, 2013
Hi Deafnotdaft…. honestly, id speak loudly with them in – im not aware of how loud things really are with them in. its not something im even aware of to be honest. as i said in my article, i thought i was generally a pretty quiet deafie most of the time, apparently not.
it is entirely my choice whether to wear my aids or not… as it happened i couldnt wear my aids that day cos i had a bit of an ear infection – i get them alot and i spend a fair amount of time aidless as such. Even if i didnt it would still be my choice, noone can force me to wear my hearing aids at all.
yes i should be “sensitive” to the needs of hearing people but surely those people should also be sensitive to others, deaf or not. of course the girl didnt know i was deaf – although id have thought sign langauge was a fairly big clue… but it wasnt a nice way to behave full stop. whether or not that person was deaf or hearing. its more about bullying behaviour than anything else. we were also in the group work section of the library, and my experience of this is its normally a fairly noisy place anyways, we certainly weren’t the only group chatting away. if she wanted silence, she should as someone else said, have worked in the silent study section (which we do have).
deafnotdaft
March 30, 2013
Hi again Ni. Thanks for the clarification. I’m glad you acknowledge that deaf awareness is a 2-way street and that deaf folk need to be careful not to upset hearing folk as well as vice versa. Deaf people encounter many situations like the one you’ve described, ranging from genuine misunderstanding to mockery and bullying. For what it’s worth, my advice in a situation like yours in the university library would be to defuse matters by explaining that you’re deaf. If I’d been you, I would have apologised to the girl for disrupting her studies and I’m sure she would then have apologised for her rudeness. Anyway, have a nice Easter.