Here’s another popular article from our archive, first published in May 2013. Tell us which articles you think should be reposted by emailing thelimpingchicken@gmail.com
In an uncertain world, there’s one person you can turn to for dependable advice: the limping chicken. Offering sensible advice for all kinds of common deaf-related problems. Without further ado, here’s the first instalment of our new ‘agony chicken’ column…
J, Taunton, says:
I’ve become more deaf over the past couple of years and as a result, I now wear hearing aids.
At one point, I gave up watching television as I found it hard to understand it all (even with hearing aids). But then one of my friends told me about subtitles, and I tried it out. They’ve changed everything!
Subtitles took getting used to, but now I read them without thinking about it.
Just one problem.
In the evening, when my husband gets home, he won’t let me turn the subtitles on. He says they are too distracting.
So there’s all these programmes I want to watch – but I can’t understand them.
I usually just end up wandering upstairs to read my book. It’s driving a wedge between us.
Should I do something about it? I’m going out of my mind with how inconsiderate he is. And I’m getting a bit bored of my books.
The chicken says:
When this chicken read your email, a small tear rolled down my beak.
You poor, poor woman. You didn’t say whether your husband is selfish in other areas of your life, as well as when it comes to subtitles, but we’re betting he’s the kind of guy who puts empty milk bottles back in the fridge of a morning.
You’ve got two options. The first is the nuclear option – leave him. But that’s fairly extreme. Do you love him? If so, you might want to try something else first: putting your foot down.
Tell him that if you can’t have subtitles on, then he’s not watching television at all. Turn it off. Take the plug out.
He may be a bit startled, but then you can tell him how bored you’ve been and how unfair it is that you’re stuck reading books (boring) while he gets to watch Phil and Kirsty flog more houses (infinitely more exciting).
You may have a row, and he may storm out. You can then turn on the television and watch Location Location Location with full access – for an hour at least.
After that, if he still doesn’t see the error of his ways, and goes back to non-subtitled TV, then you may wish to consider said nuclear option: going your separate ways.
If you choose to move on, then we recommend you find a nice Deaf guy (there’s plenty around) or a more understanding hearing chap who you can snuggle up with to watch as many subtitled programmes as you want.
Do you agree with the chicken’s advice? Tell us what YOU would do below!
Please send your problems for consideration to: thelimpingchicken@gmail.com
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denissmith2
October 26, 2014
Subtitles are often inaccurate but can be quite funny. My favourite is Khan the boxer making an appeal on behalf of Children in Need. He was asking viewers to make a contribution however small ‘… even pennies will do’. The caption read ‘even penis will do’.
The irony in J’s situation is that, if her husband tried watching TV with subtitles, he would soon get to the stage when he doesn’t notice it. The brain is good at ignoring things you don’t need.
I have two suggestions – get another TV but then she should start her own sanctions or embargo policy. I’m looking forward to hearing (no pun intended) which embargo is effective.
Tim
October 26, 2014
Switch the sound off.
lucasnadien
October 26, 2014
Divorce the uncaring bastard!
matSeattle
October 26, 2014
You can move another tv with subtile. Tell him to buy a new tv for yourself.
Guest
October 26, 2014
I completely disagree with the advice given by the chicken. What the chicken said would be, maybe, the last option in this situation- separate. But what about trying good old fashion communication?? So often it is extremely difficult for us hearing individuals to fully grasp deafness; It’s not that we don’t want to, it simply takes us a little while to completely understand. When I first started working with the deaf community I raised my voice when I spoke, and I did that until someone finally said to me, ‘ya know, that’s not necessary’. Maybe the husband doesn’t really understand that without subtitles his wife cannot watch the telly. Maybe he thinks that because she wears aids she should be able to hear perfectly fine. Has anyone sat him down and explained to him that she’s slowly going deaf, and using subtitles allows her to watch the telly with him? Has anyone told him to try the subtitles for a week to see if he gets used to it? And if that still doesn’t work, how about suggesting turning off the telly and going for a walk together instead at night? Telling someone to pick up and *leave* someone is truly terrible advice, especially when communicating could solve the situation.
Alison
October 26, 2014
Tell him you’re not going to let him turn on the sound(!) This is a scenario I’ve come across before and sometimes a symptom of a bigger underlying issue. This is a form of domestic abuse or bullying (through ensuring isolation), seeking to control another person and not taking into account their needs.
fwiw, my hearing family are so used to subtitles they ask or put them on when I am not there. They’re just a temporary distraction – you get used to them. Hearing people can make use of subtitles too.
loretta cass
October 26, 2014
My late husband did the same thing ,when I was 23 and lost my hearing , I read many books , Later in our marriage he started abusing me .My advice to you is to have your husband buy you a tv set for your bedroom and then you would have your closed captioning on it.Your husband is selfish, and not a kind man , just like my husband was Take Care ..Bless you
matSeattle
October 26, 2014
Yeah, My hubby and I do not fight.. WE have a different interesting. I love sewing up and crossstiches.. he watch football. Less fight.. we are deaf. we love each other. Try to share and see if it is not working.. Find a new relationship after my daughter’s father left us we never married. until I married my first hubby. it was complications!
Dan Schwartz
October 26, 2014
New digital TV’s have an advanced function to adjust the captions from the awful white-on-black display. I set mine to display similarly to what is used in open caption movies, namely yellow text on a transparent background.
angel sign
October 26, 2014
Sounds like the adjustment period due to your hearing loss. From not having the situation of additional needs to suddenly finding life changing adjustments it is a shock to you both. I agree with previous comment suggesting you actually communicate with each other and look for a compromise as a solution. Chicken’s advice is a tad extreme especially at this early stage of the game. I really think you need to explain how isolating it has become for you and that you are feeling rejected by him not giving things a chance. If you attempt to discuss with your husband and he continues to ignore your needs then talk to a GP about support networks to help both of you to come to terms with the adjustments. Best of luck, please do not suffer alone, talk to friends, GP, look for groups who can support you. 🙂
Cathy
October 26, 2014
I can’t say this story is much of a surprise, it isn’t. In fact its pretty common between hearies n deafies.
A friend of mine is married to a hearie n has the same problem as this story presents. He says subtitles are a damn nuisance and will not allow them. He has always refused to sign too!! How my friend has endured this life for more than 30years, I shall never know, but she loves him!!!
It is not true that hearies get used to subtitles, they don’t! I have 2 grown up children, one hates the subtitles to this day, the other is not really bothered either way.
This proves that not all hearies will get used to the subtitles, only a few will. This lady is unlucky to have a husband who hates subbies n always will!! However, this isn’t rocket science and there is no need to leave him: buy another TV for your bedroom dear and watch subtitled programmes to your hearts content!
Jocelyn Simpson
October 27, 2014
How awful. Subtitles are necessary for deaf people to enjoy television. Maybe ask if you can have another TV somewhere? My children who hear actually read really well because of the subtitles on TV and don’t seem to mind them although they comment th
at the subtitles are not always accurate. Better something than nothing.