Every now and then I make an effort to socialise, and it is a big effort.
I used to look forward to meeting new people but, like many who have gradually lost their hearing, this has become more and more of a challenge.
I’d get to a party and within an hour think to myself “what am I doing here?” The constant noise and the effort of trying to lipread is just exhausting.
Last Saturday I’d helped organise a charity dinner dance, so it wasn’t really something I could refuse to attend. Here’s how my evening went:
1. We had pre-dinner drinks in the bar (modern decor, all glass and marble, no soft furnishings to absorb sound): I introduced myself to two ladies, they were talking about their dogs.
Their husbands were also present and talking about golf (I’d met one of them previously at a charity golf day which gave me a hint).
Then one of the ladies said to me, a bit under her breath, “I hate dogs”. I thought this was strange as she had one herself, so thought what else it could be. Of course, it was “I hate GOLF”.
2. round two. At dinner, round table of 10, room of around 200 people, the band was playing so conversation was restricted to those immediately left and right.
There was a gentleman on left, we were talking about the weather (quite safe there, lots of knowing nodding), then Christmas.
He said he was going to a Christmas party in Cologne. Thinking this was a long way to go for a party “did you say you were going to Cologne for a party?” “No, we’re going to the Christmas market”. Duh!
3. There was a young lady seated to my left, petite and pretty. Her boyfriend was away from the table for a while so I attempted to start a conversation.
“Sorry I missed your name earlier”. “It’s Anna.” “Did you say Anna?” “No, Hannah”. Ah OK, got that now.
“What do you do, Hannah?” “I’m a physiotherapist.” “Oh that’s interesting, do you work at a hospital?” “No, I work for myself”. (Oh that’s possible I suppose).
“That can be quite hard physically can’t it, you need to be fit to give the treatments” “Well sometimes the massages are quite hard”. (By the look on her face, doubt is creeping in…..) “Just a minute, did you say you’re a physiotherapist?” “No, I’m a beauty therapist”.
Aaahhhhh………let me out of here…………
As a lipreading teacher I can explain the confusions above:
(a) Dog and Golf look very similar on the lips; d and g are not very visible lipshapes and so it’s the vowel shape ‘o’ which one sees, and I put it with the context of the conversation (or so I thought!)
(b) Party and Market also look very similar; p, b, and m are in the same consonant confusion group in the lipreaders alphabet; the ‘ah’ vowel shape is the same in both words; and t and k are not very visible lipshapes. Asking a ‘closed’ question (“did you say…?”) is a good checking strategy.
(c) This was down to me lipreading ‘therapist’ and thinking what could go before it – I’ve come into contact with a number of physiotherapists so wrongly assumed that was it. As far as I know have never met a beauty therapist before! Again, the closed question clarified it.
It will probably be another year before I attend such a function again!
Judy Perry has worn two hearing aids for almost 20 years, but probably should have had them 10 years earlier. After working in travel, she worked in the not-for-profit sector managing a local charity. Her hearing loss was causing problems especially at meetings and using the phone so she decided to retrain as a lipreading teacher. She now runs two private classes in Buckinghamshire, in Gerrards Cross and Wendover. To find out more, email classes@lipreading.org.uk.
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Alison Fricker
January 7, 2015
Great to see Lipreading classes featured for those of us loosing our hearing – classes are relaxed and fun – highly recommended!
Andy not him, me.
January 7, 2015
A point that we need to make to the general public, especially with the growing furore about the provision of hearing aids, is that you don’t have to be severely deaf to make lots of mistakes.
Hearing people have this idea that the deafer you are the more difficult it gets, or to put it another way, Hard of Hearing people are better off than severely deaf because they don’t make mistakes. This is twaddle of course but hearing people do have this entrenched idea that the degree of deafness is proportional to the amount of difficulty in understanding.
The reality is different. An awful mistake is an awful mistake, regardless of the degree of hearing loss. The problems arise when hearing people refuse to be tolerant and make allowances for our problems. That’s mostly because, like the Head of the N. Staffs CCG they know stuff-all about deafness.
Unless something is done to alter public perceptions about hearing loss and deafness issues then we are going to suffer from this for the forseeable future.
Terence Paget
January 7, 2015
Well, it sure is good to know that even accomplished lip-reading tutors make the same (dare I say) “basic” mistakes we learners do! That said, I am impressed that it was just the three in a whole evening. For me, I wouldn’t have enough fingers and toes to count the mistakes in the any given hour!
Great posting, thank you. It does help, gives encouragement, to learn that even those who are accomplished don’t get it right all the time.
shonajh
January 7, 2015
I love my lip reading class & my lip reading teacher is absolutely superb. I am not sure that I will ever be that accomplished at lip reading but at least its something I enjoy because I meet others like me & its interesting to see how we all misinterpret stuff all of the time. We have fun. Really good article with a bit of humour and a bit of learning as well! Its a terrible thing but I still pretend to hear when I don’t , even with my friends who don’t hear well themselves. I really need to break that habit ☺
Tim
January 7, 2015
The difference between these things is crystal clear in sign language.
That is one of many reasons why for some Deaf people, lip-reading is bad and sign language is good.
Lynne
January 7, 2015
Great article 🙂
Cathy
January 7, 2015
Great article on the art of lipreading!!! I, too, lipread, but I also use sign language and I have discovered that my skill in lipreading has waned in direct proportion to my proficiency in the art of sign language!
I learnt to sign in real time with deaf people not in sign language classes where the language is far less authentic. Looking back learning this language has been my saving grace because lipreading is too hit n miss and Iam far too deaf to pick up the clarity and nuances of speech, which hard of hearing people can better do!
Hearing people do not all speak the same nor at the same pace and speed, so lipreading becomes even more problematic! It means feeling depressed in hearing groups and settings, whereas an interpreter can repeat something if not clear, so sign language has its usefulness as long as you understand it! I think many hearing people could learn it just in case they go deaf in life, later on!!
Hartmut
January 14, 2015
I am quite surprised in how you would take ‘dog’ for the spoken ‘golf’, and ‘physiotherapist’ for ‘beauty’? The ‘f’ in these two words should not be overlooked. It is one of the most lipreadable consonant.You should either see the ‘f’ in golf, which was the final word of the sentence. And you also should have remembered NOT to have seen the ‘f’ to exclude ‘physio’ part. I would guess ‘sport’ as the next possible word to go with ‘therapist’.