In an uncertain world, there’s one person you can turn to for dependable advice: the limping chicken, offering sensible advice for all kinds of common deaf-related problems from its coop.
Hello there, readers. One of our fans, from Michigan in the USA, wrote in with this query:
My wife became deaf late in life and subsequently had a cochlear implant operation which has worked fairly well for her. However, she often has trouble knowing the volume of her own voice and finds it very annoying when anyone tries to let her know she is speaking loudly. She finds this terribly offensive and wants to let people know about it.
I’ve found numerous articles and lists on etiquette for communicating with the deaf & HoH people, but none address her concern directly. The title of your blog entry on annoying habits of hearing people caught my attention, but since neither the blog nor the comments mentioned the “you’re talking too loudly” situation, I thought I’d just write you a note and ask for an opinion or advice on the subject.
I don’t think this is an issue we’ve ever covered here on LC, in the last three-and-a-bit years, so I thank you for raising it.
The short answer is no, it’s never really right to tell a deaf person they’re speaking too loudly.
It feels rude. It feels like the kind of thing people say to a child.
It’s just plain and simple wrong.
Deaf people often work incredibly hard to moderate their speech so that non-deaf people can understand them, having put all of that hard work in, being told to be quiet feels like a kick in the teeth (or should we say ears?).
We’re deaf. No we can’t automatically know exactly how loudly is speaking. But we’re deaf, and that’s the reason.
Live with it, because we really don’t want to constantly be told we should be speaking a little quieter or louder for the rest of our days. We’d really rather get on with saying what we want to say.
There’s only two exceptions.
One is when the deaf person themselves asks a friend if they are speaking too loud. In that situation, of course, replying is fine. But even then, the reply should be polite. Like saying “it’s quite quiet in here,” or “only a little bit.”
The second situation in which it’s ok to tell a deaf person to be quiet is in a life and death situation. Like, for example, armed men are holding you hostage, and you’re both hiding from them, and any sound could alert them to where you’re hid.
That kind of situation is fine.
Otherwise, hearing folk, just let it go. We’re talking a little loud for the room, big deal. It’s not the end of the world.
You’re often pretty loud yourselves, only unlike deaf folk, you don’t have an excuse.
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Wouter
June 9, 2015
Interesting view. I have to add that as a deaf person living in Japan, it is actually a bit embarrassing to be talking loudly in public, because I have understood it is very quiet here. Even on the train, bus, metro, nobody is being loud. When people are talking, they do it in a whisper, and I have learned to do the same when I am in such a situation with hearing friends. So in this situation, I would totally appreciate it if friends tell me I am talking a bit too loudly.
On another note, when my mother visits me in Tokyo from Holland, and we get on the train home, I often notice people looking at us when my mother is talking excitedly (of course, she hadn’t seen me in a couple of months), and then I ask her “are you not talking a bit too loudly?” and then she realizes she is in Japan, and tunes down her volume 🙂
I guess it all depends on where you are, and how much (or little) environmental sound/noise there is.
kizzib
June 9, 2015
I don’t mind if someone tells me I’m speaking too loud. I don’t want the whole place hearing a private conversation. Yes I feel embarrassed, but thankful afterwards.
I too have a cochlear implant and have found people now tell me I’m quieter, which makes me wonder why they didn’t say anything before.
Gavin
June 9, 2015
I can empathise with this situation entirely with an incident that occurred recently.
Less than two months ago, our local deaf children’s society arranged an informal meeting in a pub with the intention of attracting new members to join our committee.
The majority of our group were deaf, so we were naturally signing away with the occasional vocalisation to emphasise our enthusiasm for the society. Admittedly, we were slightly loud, but nobody was going to complain in a pub…right?
Unbeknown to us, the pub were hosting a quiz night on the same evening as our meeting. The barman, armed with a microphone that amplified the questions like a voice booming from the heavens, had the cheek to tell us that we were being too noisy and that participants were unable to hear the questions.
Suffice to say, we were very insulted by his instructions that we didn’t linger for much longer and decided to cut the meeting short by leaving earlier than intended. However, I feel that we should have somewhat made a stand and expressed that some of us are unable to judge the volume of our speech. What do you think?
Regardless, it’s safe to say that we certainly won’t be returning to that pub in the future!
Editor
June 9, 2015
It’s always hard to know how to react in the moment – I’d have probably left like you did! But in an ideal world (maybe a movie script!) standing up and saying “we’re deaf, how can you say that?” would have made the point pretty well! Taking away your custom also made a good point I think. Charlie (Ed)
Natalya D
June 9, 2015
I think even with a microphone it can be very difficult to hear quiz questions if the pub isn’t quiet. However, the bar people could have told the deaf group “we’re about to do a pub quiz and we ask people not participating to be a bit quieter if that is OK” and then the deaf group have a choice to move on to where they can chat in peace like any hearing group who wanna chat normally or can choose to be quieter… A hearing group would probably realise they were being loud and either quieten down or move on – or more likely the pub quizmaster would mock them “People at table Z don’t seem to be enjoying this quiz much as they’re talking over the questions”…
Beez
June 16, 2016
So far, yours is the only response that uses common sense. Being deaf doesn’t entitle disrupting ongoing activities that require hearing people to hear. All things should be done with courtesy and respect on both sides.
Natalya D
June 9, 2015
I think it is OK to ask a deaf person to speak more quietly, especially if you live with them or have to spend a lot of time with them.
I don’t “sound” deaf to the average hearie so when my speech goes deafer (flatter, or change tonally) at times cos I’m tired etc it can alongside “too loud” be perceived as aggressive and rude. This is exacerbated by people being uncomfortable at being ‘stared’ at for lipreading purposes and I have weird-eyes which don’t move normally which I think adds up.
Sometimes if I speak too loud it’s physically painful for my partner who has very sensitive hearing, I think it’s unfair to hurt her with my speech if I can respond to appropriate feedback. We also had neighbours in the past who banged on the wall cos of noise, while I think they were oversensitive it can be an issue. We now tell neighbours and ask them to tell us, this has been a good way of them also saying they worried about noise and now don’t need to cos we don’t care and will feedback if there’s actually an issue.
I have had people pretend I’m speaking too loudly to make me feel insecure (a few so called friends in mainstream school and a handful of work colleagues in the past) but for the most part someone who is a decent human being and someone you love or respect should be doing it in the interests of giving you choices. My partner and current boss have both developed a handsign for “that’s a bit loud” so I can adapt my speech in realtime without being interrupted. Also useful for “you’ve just talked over that person you can’t hear so shut up a min and I’ll wave at you when you are clear to chip in” cos I am a bit gobby in real life 🙂
I don’t think deaf people get a “get out of jail free” card on noise. What we are entitled to is respect, dignity and manners in how people give us that feedback. It may not always be appropriate but in the interests of harmonious living I think it’s worth having an agreed system. Just cos we don’t like it, no one likes being told they’re doing something wrong/suboptimal isn’t a good enough reason to not do it.
Runaway Train
June 10, 2015
“I don’t think deaf people get a “get out of jail free” card on noise. What we are entitled to is respect, dignity and manners in how people give us that feedback.”
Absolutely. I have APD so although I’m mostly okay at setting my voice to an appropriate volume, I have trouble adjusting it to changes in the background noise. Part of affording someone dignity is giving them the pertinent information they may not otherwise possess, and thus giving them the option of acting on it. Deciding for them takes away that dignity!
I have been mortified when informed that I’m too loud when walking from loud outside to quiet inside – not mortified because I was alerted, but mortified because I’d just broadcast part of my conversation to all and sundry. I also know how distracting it can be to have someone speaking REALLY LOUDLY somewhere and doing nothing about it.
Ultimately, I think this issue is really all about consideration for all!
DeafStudent
June 9, 2015
I would agree with what Natalya D said above re: noise and a get out of jail free card. We have to accept that we’re moving in a world with hearing people around us and that they’re as entitled to the same respect that we demand. However, there’s definitely ways to go about telling us there’s an issue! “talk quieter!” is defintely more offensive to me, more akin to telling me to shut up (which never goes down well). But “your voice is a little loud” is a different matter. That’s giving ME the option to modulate accordingly … or to continue talking at the loudness I feel comfortable at and to take the consequences of that.
But to answer the original question, of the chap whose wife occasionally talks a bit loudly. Maybe a better way to address her concern is for her to decide what wouldn’t offend her in terms of relaying the info to her that she IS talking a bit loudly. One way that has been mentioned already is that trusted friends/hubby do a bit of an unobrusive sign that means either lower or increase the volume of speech so she knows accordingly. Another would be to try to set the hearing aid at the right volume before you leave, maybe by tuning yourself to a regular CD of music or something where the volume is consistent, although that’s can cause a problem in that it can cause the volume of speech to be a little loud if the hearing aid is a little low. Point is, that instead of her telling people what she DOESN’T want them to do, tell them what she DOES want them to do – focus on positive behaviour, rather than negative. If you only tell people what not to do and remove the majority of options they feel comfortable with, then they’re not going to feel comfortable around you, and that’s never a good thing.
Hartmut
June 9, 2015
You have to learn just to speak with your lips, sans voce. Don’t ever try to insist on receiving feedback of your speaking. Know you are deaf and learn to never EXPECT to receive any feedback from your voice, and welcome any external feedback whenever your voice is too loud.
Don’t put up an excuse of being deaf, when you can just turn off your voice and speak with just lips. Don’t you realize, your lipspeaking is audible, because your airstream coming from your mouth is at least 30 dB strong, a bit louder than a whisper. This level is completely sufficient for a face-to-face talk.
Silence is beautiful!!
pennybsl
June 9, 2015
Natalya, you have hit the nail on the head – ” don’t think deaf people get a “get out of jail free” card on noise. What we are entitled to is respect, dignity and manners in how people give us that feedback. It may not always be appropriate but in the interests of harmonious living I think it’s worth having an agreed system”.
The issue is the legacy of the oral teaching system. Most of us have managed to adapt to our diverse communication styles, voice, small voice or none at all; however, one thing does stand out above the situation – the loss of readily available speech & language therapy sessions for Deaf adults in the past 3 decades.
Deaf adults, acutely aware of sounding like discordant foghorns in public places, deserve better.
queby
June 9, 2015
I would rather be told if my speech is too loud. Usually happens after the second glass of wine!
cadiche
June 9, 2015
I have no HA or CI. I am Deaf and not broken. On the occasions people have said I talk too loud, I do the ASL sign for “voice off” and I stop talking completely, which upsets Hearies even more. Therefore it is their problem, not mine. Learn to sign and we could have a full conversation without my loud voice 😉
Beez
June 16, 2016
I am a hearie but I was raised by my deaf aunt and uncle. I have always viewed your type of response to the situation as stubborn and spiteful. If you are, as my aunt and uncle were (both deceased now), born deaf or deaf from childhood, you may not realize how speaking too loudly can hurt another person’s ears or can distort your own sound so a person that is trying to listen cannot understand you. Or how disruptive or inappropriate it can be in certain circumstances (funeral, wedding, ongoing meeting, televised event, etc.) Having someone POLITELY inform you that you decimal of speaking need to be toned down should be more helpful for you and everyone around rather than intrusive.
If a hearie is upset because you stopped talking all together, it is because they genuinely wanted to hear what you had to say. So now you’ve alienated someone who is not part of the problem. To expect everyone on the planet to learn sign language is unrealistic. All we have a right to demand is courtesy and respect.
As an older black woman, your behavior reminds me of young black people today – when an older white person calls then “colored”, they’re offended. I try to explain, that elderly white person was saying “colored” when most white people were using “the N word”.
I don’t expect white people to learn every aspect of my culture – why should they? But I do expect basic courtesy and respect.
If a family member by marriage is white, then I expect them to learn some black culture so as not to constantly offend. Just as a deaf person can expect family members to learn some sign language. (I do think immediate family should be fluent.)
The very thought of expecting everyone in the world to learn something that they don’t need in everyday life just to appease someone else is not realistic and is only looking at the situation from a narrow minded and somewhat childish point of view.
Rosie Malezer
June 16, 2016
I am not spiteful and take offence at being called childish. I lost my hearing at the age of 43 years of age and have suffered extreme forms of audism ever since, including being threatened with arrest for talking too loud in public (in the presence of my family). You refer to black culture and Deaf culture and obviously haven’t a single clue about me. Please do some research before insulting me and my opinions any further. Rosie Malezer <– happy googling.
I am black. I am profoundly Deaf. I am legally blind. My Deaf/blind status is due to domestic violence.
By the way… "hearie" is found offensive to many hearing people, as I have found out over the past two years, which is why I never use that term.
Have a lovely day.
Beez
June 16, 2016
I was not replying to you, Ms. Malezer, but rather to someone who did use the term “hearie”. So I included it in my response. I will be sure not to use the term in the future now that you’ve informed me of its offensiveness. But if you do not employ the same method of shutting down just to frustrate the person telling you that you’re speaking too loudly, then none of what I said applies to you.
Rosie Malezer
June 16, 2016
Unfortunately, the people in the Finnish town I live in are not so kind as to ask nicely. We live in two separate worlds.
I apologise for becoming so defensive, as I saw your words as an attack. On re-reading them, I see clearly that they were not.
Pinksy Parks
June 9, 2015
I have a opposite issue my Husband has a conductive hearing loss and it comes and goes when it goes he speaks very quietly and I can’t hear him!…. or is it me with the hearing loss!!! Lol
Cadiche I love your response!!
Cathy
June 9, 2015
Interesting topic and with the old hearing aids I used to speak loudly. I was unaware of this until a few years later when an old friend told me that her husband asked her: “why does she shout?” My friend told him: “she is deaf”. He replied “Oh!”
Nobody ever said anything for years except this couple, but I found I felt embarrassed as it means I was shouting for years!!!
With the digital aids I now find my voice is too quiet!! My daughter has often said: “speak up!” It is amazing to go from “shouting” to going “quiet” but it obviously depends on what aid one has.
Iam very surprised that a person with a CI would end up shouting as CIs are very powerful aids so one would expect to have a quiet voice!
I recall an incident in church some years ago, where hearing people complained about one deaf elderly lady who shouted when speaking. Everyone told her “keep your voice down”. She wore no aid at all so had no clue to the volume but many hearing people said it hurt their ears!!
It is a very difficult balancing act between deaf people and hearing people but little can be done to resolve this problem except wearing powerful aids so one can hear oneself. Extremely unusual as far as I’ve heard for a CI wearer to be shouting though!
Tim
June 9, 2015
I agree with cadiche. We learn to speak for the benefit for hearies really, not ourselves, so if they don’t appreciate it, I switch the voice right off and sign.
cadiche
June 9, 2015
*waving hands in the air* At least our applause is not noisier than theirs 😉
Most of the time Hearies don’t even realise that the noise that comes from our mouths is for their benefit in communication, not ours. It is unfortunate that more Hearies don’t learn sign so that we could all be on an equal footing in a conversation.
Lana
June 9, 2015
Don’t you realize, your lipspeaking is audible, because your airstream coming from your mouth is at least 30 dB strong, a bit louder than a whisper. This level is completely sufficient for a face-to-face talk.
I do not think Deaf people realise that even talking without voice, our breath from our mouth do make sound !! My Deaf partner learnt this from his hearing ex-wife!
Ray Baldry
June 9, 2015
It’s not rude it’s sensible. My voice competes with background conversations or engine noise on buses so I find myself raising my voice which is deep and male. Sometimes the discussion is sensitive as in responding to a message just received from a family member on the phone. My wife asks me to speak quieter when I get too loud. Would anyone deliberately speak loudly in company all the time. I cannot hear whispers so some things have to go unsaid until later. It takes a concious effort to speak comfortably and it starts with being told when it has unconciously got too much.
donaldo of the wasatch
June 9, 2015
To suggest that someone who is truly loud and irritating should not receive feedback? That is really bad socialization strategy. To suggest that your disability excuses that thought and behavior? This kind of nonsense is why Deaf people can find themselves unwelcome. Deaf people need more feedback than any group on this planet, just like blind people need help across the street more than seeing people. So Deaf people have to make no accommodations to hearing folks? That just reeks of bigotry and terrible social strategy. I want feedback. Without feedback things happen that I never want to happen. So to discard that avoid feedback notion is like saying to violent rioters that it is okay to riot. Same idiocy that is becoming more and more prevalent on this planet. That is why in more and more circles, the Deaf find themselves excluded because they want accommodation on their terms and the result is that more and more Deaf individuals are being excluded because the more radicalized elements insist that they can be rude. Makes employment opportunities more difficult because employers do not want what is disruptive behavior on their site. So that strategy is simply terrible and counter productive and works against decent caring Deaf people who want to be included in society’s conversations. That is cultural suicide.
Ruth
June 9, 2015
So good to read this – I get fed up being told I am talking too loud especially hurtful when I am trying to be aware and moderate volume. It always knocks me sideways – thank you for raising this as it is a massive issue. Need to be volume empowered !
Editor
June 9, 2015
Volume empowered? I like that! Charlie (Ed)
Dougie
June 9, 2015
Personally I find that for every pint of lager I drink the louder I speak! In that situation I don’t mind being told but in a day to day situation it can be offensive and annoying.
Julie T
June 9, 2015
I read this article and all the comments with a lot of interest. I’m hearing and a few people in my family hard of hearing, one person has a CI. I’ve wondered the same as the letter writer, was upset by the blog’s response (because the family does have a sign for “you don’t have to talk so loudly, please”) and cheered by the differing views in the comments. I’d hate to think I was upsetting my mum by asking she lower her voice, but sometimes the alternative would be that I’d have to leave the room, and that would be worse. I’m a part time carer for my mum, who is profoundly deaf in one ear from tinnitus, and as patient as I am (or try to be), sometimes I can’t cope with being “shouted at”. Mum doesn’t mean to shout, and I don’t mean to react as though I’m being shouted at, but sometimes it’s upsetting. So our solution is a wave of the hand; it’s not ideal, but it’s the best solution our family has. (Mum hasn’t learned sign language).
Thanks to everyone who posted their comments, they were really interesting to read.
John
June 9, 2015
The short answer is no, it’s never really right to tell a deaf person they’re speaking too loudly. Really!!!
What about when hearing people talk too loudly to you because you are deaf. Does that mean we can’t ask them not to speak so loudly?
It all depends on the context. Diplomacy, good manners and common courtesy go a long way. If I am speaking too loudly I would want someone to tactfully let me know so that I can moderate the volume of my voice.
Kim
June 9, 2015
As a hearing person (I’m Natalya D’s partner), I work on the principle that deaf people – especially those using HAs and CIs that adjust their gain automatically – have very little sense of the loudness of their own speech and are probably unaware when they’re being loud or too quiet. I also work on the principle that the objective of speech is communication, so it’s no good if it can’t be heard over whatever the background noise level happens to be at the time.
Firstly, I don’t think it’s rude to ask a deaf person to speak louder when they’re being too quiet – it’s not really any different to asking for them to slow down when signing. I get this with Natalya a lot, because her hearing aid does an excellent job of filtering out certain background noises which I find it really hard to hear over.
As for when they’re being loud, it’s about context: I personally don’t mind people being a bit louder than normal, unless they’re *very* close and it hurts my ears. But I’m aware that in social contexts being loud can be a problem, either because you don’t want a private conversation to be overheard, or because its disturbing to people nearby.
As such, I’ll provide non-interrupting visual feedback for Natalya when it matters – either because I can’t hear her properly, or because she’s being louder than is usually appropriate in a given context. As a deaf person, it’s *her decision* whether to act on that information. As a hearing person I don’t think it’s reasonable to be upset about deaf people being a bit loud when it doesn’t actually matter.
(Also, accidental loudness applies to other things as much as speech: Playing audio at higher levels than usual, general clattering about or stomping up and down stairs can be just as big a problem as speaking loudly – probably more so when maintaining good relations with the neighbours is an issue. Again, it’s not reasonable to expect deaf people not to make noises they simply aren’t aware of, but it might be reasonable to ask if they can make an effort to be quieter after the kids are in bed, or whatever.)
Hartmut
June 9, 2015
Know why are hard-of-hearing persons rarely obese?
Answer: they use volume control.
Pauline Roberts
June 9, 2015
I have to disagree a little here but only in certain circumstances. I myself have been in the position where D/deaf friends have had a deterioration in their hearing and their speech has got louder and louder. Despite the stares and sniggers from the ignorant, they have been oblivious to these at the time, and I as always have just accepted it. However, there has been a stage where they have eventually found out by other means i.e. a family member for instance who has given it to them straight, and then they have had a go at me for not telling them; ‘Why didn’t you tell me I was shouting?’ or ‘Why didn’t you tell me my hearing aids are not working as well?” Also in the case of someone who is quite sensitive and does pick up on the ignorant sniggering, it can and has knocked their confidence as they think they are being laughed at for either a different reason or just being D/deaf in itself.
mustard
June 9, 2015
It is common courtesy if we are in a quiet place but no, I do not tell my deaf friends that are speaking loudly than normal in public place because other people reactions are none of my business and my friends and I are having a good time so who cares. No one own the public place, it is for everyone and if they don’t like it, they can stay at home.
What about hearing people talking loudly on mobile phones? Are they speaking to their deaf nans? Their loud noise level is offending and irritating especially on public transports.
Jim
June 10, 2015
I look forward to the next ironic LC article on a deaf person being arrested for noise pollution!
Editor
June 10, 2015
That’s a great idea Jim!
cadiche
June 10, 2015
I was threatened with arrest at the Social Office for talking too loud, before the government walkers ended up storming out of the room. They expected me to run away like a scared rabbit but I stayed and waited. It would have been very interesting for the morning papers to read that police had arrested a Deaf woman for asking too loud if she could have an interpreter. Not surprisingly, no police came 😉
Hartmut
June 16, 2016
“”government walkers”? Street walkers on the payroll for the government?
Hmmm … oh ah … I get it, a hard of hearing person trying to say “government workers”.
Beez
June 17, 2016
No. I’m sure the person knows the difference between the spelling of the words “walkers” and “workers”. It’s probably just a typo.
Perhaps you were trying to be funny?
Rosie Malezer
June 17, 2016
Government workers. The tired old hands of a Deaf chick, hard at work. It was a typo indeed.
Bob Erdelen
June 11, 2015
From the person who originally asked the question — Thank you everyone.
Your comments and suggestions were most helpful & appreciated. My wife (Pam) and I will be back to visit this site regularly.
Editor
June 11, 2015
Ah thanks Bob, glad to have gained another reader! And hope Pam gets a good response from her friends and family. Charlie (Ed)
Brian Blessed
June 11, 2015
Gordon’s alive! I have made a living out of bellowing at people!
mike
June 12, 2015
Talking too loud is one of my problems as well. Adjusting the level of sound is very tricky for me especially when there is a lot of background noise, my wife very often asks me why am I shouting or why am I angry sometimes… I’M NOT ANGRY! But I do have a problem… what I don’t really understand is why I can’t tell the difference between loud and quiet, surely the muscles I use to speak should be able to tell the difference between shouting and talking quietly. Just like my arm muscles can tell the difference between picking up a feather and picking up a brick. My brain is running slow this morning 🙂
Hartmut
June 13, 2015
Speaking loudly can be habit forming. If you speak that loud often, you will be loud unbeknownst to you over time. Your vocal muscles may remember the intensity of their movements only crudely and are not set to alert you of your being too loud.
Hartmut
June 16, 2016
I see, some responders take the issue of the term “hearie”. They don’t do the same about “deafie”.
The word “deafie” has become an ethnological term, equivalent to “Deaf”, to which “hearie” is its counterpart. The two terms may be derogatory in certain environments, mostly to outsiders of the Deaf World. But in our Deaf environment, they are not. They only designate the opposing worlds of the deaf and hearing in which we live, as the expressions “the deaf” and “the hearing” indicate. The negative connotation of “hearie”, as some of us sometimes use, is the result of the accumulated communal experiences from the discriminatory practices from the side of the Hearing World, we have been experiencing all the time.
Right now, “hearie” is still semantically “neutral” in isolation, in my estimation. You need further context to judge the connotative meaning. If a Deaf guy speaks “hearie” with a contemptuous inflection and facial expression, you know well he means “those damned hearing people who give us hard time”.
Rosie Malezer
June 17, 2016
My ASL professor quickly pulled me up on the use of the term hearie, as I was using it as a relaxed term for a hearing person, just as I often use Deafie for those of us who can’t hear. He advised that it is a derogatory term which is used when referring in a negative tone towards hearing people (which I did not previously know), so I stopped using the word immediately. Generalised labelling and insulting are two completely different things, and I was a new Deafie at the time, still finding my sea legs, as it were. I rarely see it used in the Deaf community here in Finland, and only used in negative ways, so I figure my teacher was quite right.
Hartmut
June 18, 2016
Rosie Malezer,
you may want to show my post to your ASL professor.
Corey
August 10, 2016
I Am struggling with the loudness of voice.
if you have sensorineural hearing loss especially combined with conductive loss, your in trouble. You can’t hear how loud you are, period.
If your like me, who took speech therapy class, to learn to speak clearly. It becomes a memory thing and not a hearing thing when it comes to controlling the modulating the loudness of voice, etc. Because we can not hear ourselves.
Here is the problem our brain Can NOT physically muti-task, period. It has to do with shifting blood to different part of the brain, to do different tasks or related issues. So our brains switches between tasks, NOT multi-task..
So keep this in mind when I give the following examples.
Stressed, excited, Focusing 100% on the conversation, so as not to miss anything. Your performing a task. Now throw in use of memory to control your modulation of your voice, because you can not hear yourself. And if you have short term memory problems, like me. It becomes impossible to maintain a specific level of voice in a conversation.
What I believe should be happening is a hearing person takes issue they mention it to you.
Then you explain to them the issue of deaf and hard of hearing, difficulty with modulating voice. So that the hearing person understands the situation.
the above two points need to be addressed, BEFORE accusations of person being too loud. Because there may be a reason for it, that may be outside the control of the hard of hearing and deaf.
One of the problems about hearing people telling hard of hearing or deaf, to lower voice, all the time, is that it puts the deaf and hard of hearing at extreme disadvantage, if a serious topic is being discussed, where the out come for the deaf or hard of hearing is at stake, in regards to what the topic of discussion is. If they are forced to focus on the modulation of voice, they can NOT give full attention to the conversation. And as result miss something important, that causes the outcome for deaf and hard of hearing to be worse than if they gave full focus to conversation.
Verbal speech is for the hearing, who can hear themselves, which controls their loudness.
To tell deaf and hard of hearing to do something that puts them at severe disadvantage because of the fact they can’t hear themselves IS wrong. other than initially as part of establishing communication.
That is why we have writing, especially for one on one or small groups. it puts everyone on the same level as long as all participants can write to make themselves understood.
The key to communication is NOT to FORCE people to communicate using a method that requires a skill they do not posses, “hearing own voice”. Being forced to do this, then being told to low or to high, or charged with threat or harassment, if your too loud is discrimination PERIOD. Because they are not making a reasonable accommodation to include the deaf and hard of hearing, to participate in a conversation in a fashion where all participants are “communicating” on the same level.
Hearing people need to accept this fact. They are communicating with someone who lacks a certain skill(not deaf or hard of hearing’s fault) and need to learn when it is or isn’t appropriate to tell someone to speak up or lower voice. And when to adapt the conversation. Example: another listener closer to deaf or hard of hearing, repeat the persons comments if too low for example. or write the conversation out.
And we need to step it up to let people know its discrimination in participation of communication, when unwilling to modify how you communicate with them.(having this problem right now with landlord) The discrimination is going to continue if we do NOT speak up. Its as much our faults as theirs if we let them do it.
With the below statistics, hearing people need to realize there is more than one way to communicate and if they are unwilling to use anything other than voice. They have no right to tell deaf or hard of hearing to lower or raise, unless its a life and death situation or a situation where everyone is to be quiet, like in a theater.
About 20 percent of Americans, 48 million, report some degree of hearing loss.(the ones that know or admit, so that number is low)
At age 65, one out of three people has a hearing loss.