Hello! I’d like to talk about hearing people; not family and friend-type hearing people, but hearing people who I don’t actually know.
To see Jen’s article in BSL, click play below, or scroll down for English!
Since I’ve had children, I seem to meet and spend more time with random hearing people; lots of them. I’ve learned a few things from this; here’s one example that I’d like to share…
Picture me in the playground with my kids, pushing my daughter on the swing (she’s quite bossy, so this tends to take a long time). After a while, I realise a fellow swing-pushing parent is talking to me. Our conversation might go something like this:
Me: “Oh, sorry! Were you talking to me? I’m deaf.”
Them: “Deaf?!”
Me: “Yes (THUMBS UP)…”
Them: “Oh, I’m so sorry you’re deaf.”
Me: “I’m fine, really. It’s fine being deaf! But what did you want to say to me?”
Them: “You’re deaf! Erm, your daughter, is she deaf too?”
Me: “No.”
Them: “Oh! Oh, that’s good! Jolly good!”
Me: “(POLITE PAUSE) … So, what did you want to say to me?”
Them: “Um, let me see. Did you see that thing on telly, with the, what do you call it…. cochlear implants?”
Me: “Ah, cochlear implants, yes.”
Them: “And you don’t have one?”
Me: “No. I’m deaf, I don’t need a cochlear implant. I’m fine as I am.”
Them: “… Oh! … And your daughter, do you do the sign language thing with her?”
Me: “Yes, we sign together.”
Them: “Lovely! Isn’t that lovely!”
And this happens over and over again. I understand that hearing people might not know anything about us deaf people, so we need to explain stuff to them. I know they might be shocked at meeting a deaf person unexpectedly (!)
Sometimes I’m OK with this, but sometimes I’m really not in the mood.
So, I wondered how I could change things to make things a bit more positive somehow. I decided to do a small social experiment, which I’ve been trying out recently, and it has indeed made a difference.
What I do is, when I’m pushing my daughter on the swing, I make sure we’re communicating loads, signing/chatting away the whole time. No peaceful swing pushing allowed! We have to talk the whole time!
This means that hearing people nearby can actually see that I’m deaf. I don’t have a cochlear implant or a hearing aid, so I don’t “look” deaf unless I’m signing.
It’s certainly a very different experience, because it gives them time to realise I’m deaf and think about how I’m-deaf-but-it’s-really-OK; I’m doing just fine with my kid, like whatever.
So, when they tap my shoulder by the swings, our conversation becomes like this:
Them: “Your daughter… is she deaf?”
Me: “No.”
Them: “Oh. Right. And how old is she?”
… And then we go on to have a very ordinary conversation.
So, it’s worked for me – what about you? Any similar experiences?
Jen Dodds is a Contributing Editor for The Limping Chicken. When she’s not looking after chickens or children, Jen can be found translating, proofreading and editing stuff over at Team HaDo Ltd (teamhado.com). On Twitter, Jen is @deafpower.
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mike
June 24, 2015
Much more positive image of deafness, shows you and daughter visually enjoying yourself without deafness being a problem… sort of pre warning them. Rather than your deafness cat thing them unawares.
Tim
June 24, 2015
This is a good thing because it shows that Deaf people can be happy members of a diverse society and some of us don’t see deafness as something to be upset about.
But we also see the damage that ‘medical model’ language does – we are constantly questioned about why we don’t want CIs by hearing people who are sure that deafness is a tragedy – and that’s oppressive.
Jen Dodds (@deafpower)
June 24, 2015
I kind of don’t blame them, seeing how much publicity CIs get etc. Also? Hearing people tend to like being hearing, and thus often pity anyone who isn’t.
So that is their initial reaction, BUT when I assure them I really AM fine with being deaf / I have a nice life etc, they actually believe me, and then we move on.
Tim
June 26, 2015
Yeah, we can’t blame them, I didn’t explain very well. The hearing people we meet are constantly bombarded with ‘medical model’ language from people who should know better – Deaf organisations that keep using words like ‘hearing loss’ or ‘suffering from a hearing loss’ and who always focus on cures.
This is then passed on to our interactions with hearing people. It’s the organisations that are being oppressive. Thankfully there are also organisations like the BDA, that show us in a more positive light.
Natalya D
June 24, 2015
Performativity of deafness an invisible ‘disability’. People feel comfortable when they can identify your disability before they approach you (unless they run away from fear). Just like if a wheelchair user stands or moves their legs people get unhappy cos they EXPECTED that person to be paralysed.
People don’t perceive my speech as deafie-speech so they ignore my disclosure of deafness and focus on how I sound. I am used to people in public scowling or grumping at me if I don’t understand them right away. However, if I deliberately make my hearing aids and small/bent ears visible; my speech sound-deafer or sign at people while saying “I’m deaf” I get treated MUCH better.
In many ways having a disabled bus pass and disabled railcard are VERY helpful to me as they cue the driver/ticket people to expect me to be disabled. They reduce how much I have to try and hear. Last weekend in York I didn’t realise the driver wanted me to swipe my disabled bus-pass, but he was able to smile at me, take my card and swipe it for me so I understood what was needed. I notice how much friendlier and visually communicative bus drivers are in Yorkshire compared to Birmingham and Manchester!
I didn’t realise how much hearing folk just chatter to randoms in public till spending time in public with a chatty hearing friend who had little chats with everyone he met – all conversations I simply couldn’t parse. I think people probably try to initiate chat with me and I miss it, or I process so slowly they’ve got annoyed and given up, deciding I’m not a friendly person etc.
Hannah
June 24, 2015
Great example. But how do you sign chat with her when she’s on the swing without getting kicked in the middle/ her falling off?
JR
June 25, 2015
I’m hearing with a deaf toddler. I similarly make sure that people see us signing (a mix of BSL and SSE, we’re still quite new at this) when we’re in the park, so that other parents are aware that she might not respond to them or their kids in the way they might expect.
People are generally quite interested, especially as she has quite a large vocabulary for her age (her first sentence was “Look… brother sleeping”) and is more communicative than other kids just finding their first words at the same age. She’s a happy girl with busy hands, and is becoming quite the local celebrity at all the toddler things she goes to.
My (hearing) son’s primary class recently did a project on the senses, for which we gave a long show and tell session on signing with great interest from the other kids. We had lots of parents coming up to us in the playground telling us about how their kids had been enthusiastically signing to them when they got home.