A Deaf American woman’s response to a fellow passenger’s assumptions about her deafness has gone viral on Facebook.
Dawn Elaine was asked why she wasn’t speaking and was told to use her voice by the passenger, as they communicated in written notes.
He then told her she should get a cochlear implant.
Here’s her account of what happened and how she replied, which she uploaded on Facebook:
I’m here at Minneapolis Airport, a 3-hours layover.
I’ve a story to share.
On the flight from Dulles, a guy was sitting next to me. A casual wearing guy. He’s an Asian. We minded our business as I was engrossed into a “Yes Please” book by Amy Phoeler.
An excellent book, by the way.
When a stewardess came by for drinks, I mouthed ‘Sprite, no ice, please.’
The casual wearing guy ordered orange juice.
Then, he wrote something on a napkin. The note was then placed on my lap (it was strange, nevertheless).
The dialogue began:
Him: Hi, why aren’t you speaking? Use your voice.
Me: I’m deaf.
Him: Get a chochlear implant. Sad not able to hear.
Me: I’m fine with it. I’m good, thank you. (I was annoyed)
Him: You are deaf. Need cholear implant. Important. My deaf cousin have Colchester implant.Okay. I was extremely annoyed.
Me: Do you work at a nail salon?
Him: (puzzled look) No, why do you say that?
Me: Well, not all deaf people have or get CI. So, not all Asians work at nail salons.*silence* Then, he closed his eyes for the rest of flight.
You can see the notes below:
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Sandra Dowe
October 14, 2015
Good response – what quick wit!
Barbara
October 14, 2015
I think it’s a shame she had to resort to a racial stereotype to make her point. I assume his cousin who is deaf and wears a CI and probably Asian doesn’t work in nail parlour or maybe they do. Why didn’t she just explain about the differences between deaf people?
Sid
October 14, 2015
I have to agree with Barbara and Elaine should have been more cordial. Typical American attitude and behavior.
Zoe
October 14, 2015
Ah yes, remark that she shouldn’t have resorted to a racial stereotype, then immediately resort to an ethnic stereotype. Nice.
janette foggo
October 15, 2015
No he imposed on her. Conversation and opinion. She made her point rapidly and succinctly. After all she didn’t invite the conversation in the first place.
Brian
October 16, 2015
As an interpreter of American Sign Language and a cross cultural mediator I can speak from many personal experiences. Whether she was cordial or not, a hearing person from any culture on this planet just won’t make the connection. Culturally Deaf people in general get right to the point.
The Hearing male used the “oh poor you” .True, the deaf woman could have approached the situation differently, America has nothing to do with that. In fact, did the story mention her country? I’ve been all over the world and many cultures come across as direct too.
There are stereotypes no matter where you are especially in America- we are a melding pot and assimilation is not automatic nor do I believe it’s 100% possible. We fulfill the stereotypes or we don’t. The nice thing is that he didn’t fit into the box. His response was “no, why”. If he had said “yes” then her statement would not have made the impact she was going for.
The real point of this story is That she said (an implant) wasn’t something she wanted.
And he said it was sad being Deaf. It’s sad that he said what he did. Secondly, implants are not always effective. I have 9 friends that have them. 4 worked and 5 didn’t. It’s a medical procedure that comes with a plethora of psychological, social, personal, and biological, and financial things to consider. It’s none of his business. I mean do you walk up to an elderly person using a cane and say oh that’s sad that you use a cane. Why didn’t you simply get knee replacement surgery? (Keep in mind they clearly didn’t know each other).
The man’s words showed he’s strong enough to impose his ignorance onto another individual and therefore; in my humble and welllll educated opinion, he’s a “big boy” and can handle being blatantly informed in such a way that it leaves a little Sting in his brain.
I know I come a crossed as strong minded but if you only knew… Oh if you only knew.
Barry Crritchfield
October 17, 2015
What does that mean?? “Typical American attitude and behaviour” ??? Who is stereotyping now?
Joseph
October 14, 2015
Most Deaf are very blunt and straight to the point kind of people. Deaf don’t like being told there is something wrong with them or need to change something. Most people around the world view Deaf/deaf as handicapped at the least and less than a person at it’s worst.
It probably wasn’t the nicest way to respond, but it was effective.
Austin
October 16, 2015
You have to know the difference between deaf and old people. Deaf people doesn’t have a problem with hearing, but old people do. So, there is NOTHING wrong with deafness.
“Hearing people can hear, but they don’t listen. Deaf people can not hear, but we will not listen.” That is how I feel about between hearing and deaf people.
“Oh it’s probably wasn’t the nicest way to respond…” You guys are so DAMN STUPID to be insult.
Brenda Dencer
October 16, 2015
Barbara, hearing people don’t always get it. Plus, coming from that airport means they were in Washington DC, the area where probably the largest Deaf population in the US, and most visible. What he said was audist, oppressive, paternalistic, and embarrassing. He deserves the mild rebuke he received.
aingbudy
October 16, 2015
You need to understand that to the deaf community deafness is perceived as a culture, perceived much the same way an ethnic culture. Thats all.
Julie
October 16, 2015
So you would like for her to respond as YOU might have, not how SHE did. smh. Gotta armchair quarterback it, can’t just accept that this was HER response at the time.
Rosie Malezer
October 14, 2015
Brilliant retort. Audistic people really peeve me. They see we are Deaf and presume to know what is best for us, like we are lost little children who need them to hold our hand.
Being HEARING is not normal. Having a soul and treating people like people is normal… although not so much in today’s world, sadly. People are branded, shot and killed for being themselves.
Kudos to her for using a similar comparison (laughing at all the people saying she was rude and racist). He was audist… she sunk to his level and good on her. BRAVO !! ^_^
Joseph
October 14, 2015
I am hearing myself, but I am aware the plight Deaf endure from most hearing people. Her response to him was a perfect reflection of the assumption he made about her. Not nice, but she made her point.
Sybil
October 14, 2015
I’m sorry? You think SHE was being rude? He interrupted her peaceful book-reading flight to tell her that she should have invasive surgery without so much as asking her name first?
Hilarious.
She has as much right to privacy as anyone else. The fact that she wears/ doesn’t wear hearing aids or has/doesn’t have a CI is because she made a personal decision, probably after much thought and research- and maybe, just maybe, she’s comfortable being Deaf -and this guy can’t even be bothered to get to know her a little before saying “you need CI”??
If she WAS rude, it was because he presented that behavior first- she may have thought that was the only language he could understand.
Kudos, Elaine, from a fellow ‘ugly American’ tired of dealing with the audists.
Dawn
October 14, 2015
I am very much aware of my stereotypical response, but that did not give him the right to press the issue with me when I was clearly fine with being deaf and “…thank you” was my way of ending the conversation. I was annoyed. He pressed on. Sometimes one needs a cold hard slap in the face to prove a point. If you find my response to be offensive, I make no apologies for it. I’m tired of typical response from hearing people thinking it’s okay to go-over-the-top with a deaf individual who is fine being deaf. He was disrespectful in the first place. Each to our own.
Rosa Mazzitelli
October 14, 2015
I agree Dawn! 100% ☺
Barbara
October 14, 2015
Dawn, lots of people would’ve handed back the napkin and ignored the guy. He should just mind his own business. Some however, like you did on this occasion, choose to engage. I get it – sometimes you just end up responding to things like this. What concerns me though, is that you shifted the subject from deafness ( he did reference his deaf cousin ) to race even though you don’t know his ethnic background – I mean Asia is a hugely culturally diverse place. I don’t believe you would have responded to a similarly misguided white person in the same way because you’d know race was clearly irrelevant.
Joseph
October 14, 2015
Her asking the question without knowing his background is the point! He assumed in the same way so she showed him how it feels.
Jason
October 15, 2015
If she ignored it as you suggested, an opportunity to educate him and ensure that he doesn’t do this again would be lost.
Brenda Dencer
October 16, 2015
Barbara, don’t you see, as Asians are a diverse group, so are Deaf people. The rebuke was mild compared to what I might have said. Let it go. Dawn rocked!
Julie
October 16, 2015
Not offensive at all, some just want to superimpose what they think you should have done in the moment. “Life according to them” is another form of oppression in this social media world. You got your point across, and without inviting further conversation. Fist-bump.
H B
October 14, 2015
Both parties share similar handwriting. I think she wrote it all. Not impressed.
Aine
October 15, 2015
Yes I agree with you, handwriting, top pic, d e a f, both identical
Lisa
October 16, 2015
Exactly.
PhatKat97
October 14, 2015
Barbara, the question is, why does she owe him an explanation of the difference between deaf people? His attitude was paternalistic and ablist, so she replied in the same tone. Mind you, AFTER telling him she was fine with the way she was, politely.
Don G.
October 14, 2015
I would have commented after his initial “sad not to have a cholear implant” “sad not to be able to spell (or have a brain)”
Holly B.
October 14, 2015
Maybe I am the only one who noticed: Both handwritings are the same. Dawn must be having a conversation with herself. I am not impressed.
Cathy
October 15, 2015
Yes, Holly, I noticed too!! Highly suspicious of this story!!!!
Paul H
October 15, 2015
Handwritings are not the same. It is a real conversation between the 2.
Tim
October 14, 2015
So the guy was rude, arrogant and presumptuous to a Deaf person who was just minding her own business? Sounds like he deserved a taste of his own medicine – and that’s exactly what he got.
Some people think that Deaf people have to constantly justify themselves. We don’t.
Joseph
October 14, 2015
The other thing is most people don’t know how to react to blunt and straight-forward responses. They are used to all the sugar-coated nonsense that most of society uses.
Chucklehead
October 14, 2015
LOL @ the “experts” who think the handwriting is all by the same person. It clearly isn’t. Move along, kiddies.
Cathy
October 15, 2015
So you are the “expert” on handwriting, Chucklehead? How do you know “it clearly isn’t?” On my part, I agree with the others, who say it is written by the same person. Yes, it clearly is!! So move onto the next story, chum!
Trek MCS
October 14, 2015
Wow. I would punch that guy .
Kris
October 14, 2015
I really think this was a language barrier issue. He was asian, he was really just trying to be polite and help her. I don’t think he was trying to be mean. I think it just came across that way.
Debbie
October 15, 2015
Well, I call BS anyway. This woman is having a conversation with herself. If a forensic handwriting expert looked at these they will absolutely tell you it’s the same writing. Attention seeker at best.
Julie
October 16, 2015
You’re making an assumption here. What if a note had NOT been presented, and she simply recounted an experience she had, a conversation if you will with a man seated next to her on plane trip? What if this napkin is simply offered as a representation of said (short) conversation this woman had? Stretch your mind, don’t dismiss this out of hand because you seem to require some hard evidence of this exchange.
Julie Friske
October 15, 2015
I have a deaf step daughter and I have met her friends an spoke who sermons said by the pastor so the could understand. I was never thought to sign even though I asked many times . It has been my experience that some deaf people do not want family to know Als but demand interpreters . Some even fake being mute for attention. I knowhow I fought some doing it.. I am not perfect. I am fat my spin is crouched and I have a kidney transplant. I am disabled . But since I am not in a wheel chair people do not see my disability. Just as deaf Don’t show there’s. The kinder thing to do when being aske” why Don’t you talk.write I am deaf. Why Don’t you get a CL.explain not all deaf can get CL . Google it it is fascinating . Or explain why y out can’t get one. A bit of knowledge is better than a cocky comment. Kidney transplants : Not everyone can get one I had polycystic Kidneys and was able to have one people with kidney cancer can not unless they have showed no cancer for five years, some never can. I have had mine for 13 years I am blessed many only last 5 to 7 years. Did you know dialysis removes not just water but tokens from your blood.. after a while you do not even pee. Then if you have a transplant you can.. You only get one kidney. So you only ha e 50% or less function it is not like new. Kind of like a used car it has its quirks but it is new to you. If you would u ‘d like to know more Google. Kidney Transplant look up transplant anti rejection meds. Or pm me. Just like Thumper said if you don’t have something nice to say don’t say anything at all.
Rebekah
October 15, 2015
The point is not that she isnt eligible. … she most likely doesn’t want it. Many HoH believe they are born just fine, their hearing is part of them and a cochlear implant is not anything theyd be interested in. Just some info you may want to look into.
JCal
October 16, 2015
I don’t see why an uninvited conversation you were clearly not looking for (I hate when people interrupt me when I read) must always mean I must stop my activity to educate others. Especially others that start off with telling me how to handle MY deafness. Educating is great, but we shouldn’t have to be “on” all the time. He made an assumption. She showed him how his assumption was equivalent to another’s assumption about his race. Honestly, I didn’t see it as rude as I did as an analogy. “Saying that to me is no different than saying this to you”.
Tim
October 15, 2015
After she wrote “I’m fine with it. I’m good.Thank you”. He could have left as that, but no. kept on pushing the subject. Epic response by the deaf woman.
Pam
October 15, 2015
To the girl 👏🏻👍🏻👍🏻 I think u handle it well
DC DuCo
October 15, 2015
You guys miss the fact that its written by the same person? this is a fake. note the handwriting of the H’s, N’s, the way “deaf” is written.. Y’all gullible.
Julie
October 16, 2015
Ultimately, who cares? I mean, in the grand scheme, do you actually require some sort of proof -like the ORIGINAL napkin- that this conversation took place? Napkin not required to recount an experience here. We simply take her word for it that this actually took place. It’s a story. We read them everyday.
DC DuCo
October 15, 2015
https://scontent.fsnc1-1.fna.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xtp1/v/t1.0-9/12096619_10156169207765287_6546923603006255571_n.jpg?oh=c5a6f694dfe5509efd53e9b4a4cd5034&oe=56C75B0B
pch717@hotmail.com
October 16, 2015
DC DuCo Please note the word “you” on both sides. It is clearly not the same handwriting. The loops are different.
NOT A FAKE!
Barbara
October 16, 2015
You’re clearly missing the point. She chose not to use the common ground of deafness – i.e the deaf Asian cousin but chose to focus on race. Not the ethnic minority that populate the nail parlour trade – any kind of Asian will do in her mind. I ask again, if the guy was white European what would she ask? whether he worked on a golf course? Of course not because it would be silly and completely irrelevant. The choice she made is called racism.
JCal
October 16, 2015
There is no common ground between him and her just because his cousin is deaf. In order to make a point you have to sometimes show them what it means first hand. He obviously doesn’t understand deafness or he wouldn’t have said it. She gave him an analogy more fitting to HIM. “You wouldn’t like that assumption, I don’t like yours. That assumption may be painful, so is yours. It may be inaccurate, so is yours.” The lesson is tailored to the person receiving it, as all good lessons are.
Sometimes you actually have to spell it out in order for them to attach their own feelings when they’ve been stereotyped so they understand how it feels from your end of things. It was an analogy. I’m not racist and I’ve have used a similar one because in one sentence you’ve clearly established that what they’ve done is wrong, hurtful, and rude. She didn’t say “unless I come into your nail salon I don’t want your opinion!” THAT is racist. She said “Do you work in a nail salon?” “Not all Asians work in nail salons”. She is obviously aware it’s a racial stereotype and showing him that his behavior was also stereotyping in a way that HE understands. I think you are missing the point.
AnonHI
October 16, 2015
And the choice he made is called audism.
Lisa
October 16, 2015
Fake note. How can u not notice it? OMG it belongs in snopes.com as a fake story.
B
October 17, 2015
Maybe he was trying to make convo and wasn’t trying to be rude? He tried to relate to her by mentioning his cousin and wanted to express what the C.I did for his cousin. Idk some people just like to be offended lately. Hope no one else tries to make relatable convo with you anymore then you won’t have to be so rude AND you can read your book all while being antisocial. It’s a win-win.
Rowan
October 17, 2015
Absolutely a fake note. Whoever wrote this had a pretty distinct S shape, which you can see in both sides of the conversation. Most of the letters have a similar shape, actually – the T is generally crossed toward the middle (except when it’s at the beginning of a sentence). The lowercase Ns and Hs are the same. The word “deaf” on either side is exactly the same. Look how that F bends over. Yikes.
joyce halliwill
October 17, 2015
Interesting situation. I myself have been in one similar to this. I always look for a reason to educate people about being deaf, wearing a CI , why for some it works, others it doesn’t. I don’t think he meant to be rude. A good opportunity missed to raise awareness, which most people don’t even think about. It is unseen.
Austin
October 18, 2015
Oh, so it’s not rude to tell people what to do with their life? “Get a cochlea implant. Sad not able to hear.” He should have keep his mouth shut when she told her that she is fine with being deaf.
Ronnie
October 19, 2015
I don’t want to seem combative but all of this was clearly written by one person. I mean, look at the handwriting. No offense.
John
October 20, 2015
This sucks
JCal
October 20, 2015
See? You’ve assumed I’m male. I am not, I’m female. The lesson is don’t assume you know everything about a person. Also, my comment is not invalid just because you say so. If that’s the best argument you have why bother posting? The only thing you’ve accomplished is an assumption on zero evidence and the belief that your statement matters more than one with an explanation attached. I at least can defend my position. Try again using logic and reason.
I also love how no one else shares their own stories. They just pick apart the one person brave enough to share one.
Aine
October 22, 2015
It’s unanimous ! All the people who have a great eye for detail ,including myself of course, have found and concluded that the napkin exchange is FAKE and that the writer likes to have an argument with herself , several personalities asked readers to pick one, lots of people fell for it !! unbelievable !
Wato
October 23, 2015
When I’m observed on handwriting, it’s look similar. Therefore, I’m not sure if she’s actually wrote it all herself, no ones.