The Secret Deafie is a series of anonymous columns by Deaf people. Send us your story at: thelimpingchicken@gmail.com
My teenage daughter and I are travelling in Japan with a friend and her daughter of the same age. We have travelled with each other before and are used to each others’ habits. This is good for me as I have a prop, something I would not usually admit to needing.
Travelling in unusual circumstances always makes me re-confront the practical effects of my hearing loss. I don’t always want to have to do this.
When in familiar surroundings, you can forget your limitations. TV subtitles, texting and emails, solitary car journeys to work with the radio blaring, a personal assistant to make phone calls and colleagues who know you need the light on ‘to hear’ in meetings conspire to remove potential hour-by-hour reminders that you really don’t function like other people.
The missed mirth-generating chance exchange in a meeting passes unnoticed as you have long since accepted that you don’t ‘get everything’. The repeated query from the checkout person, and the bemused stranger you did not respond to in the street, likewise.
This changes when you are in un-scripted, un-controllable surroundings.
You don’t strike up conversations with strangers and you greet approaches from strangers with polite smiles that shut conversational overtures down.
There are times when you simply appear rude or strange.
Background noise simply precludes conversations with people that sit next to you on trains or planes.
Travel may well broaden the mind, but it probably won’t bring many new people spontaneously into your life.
Travelling on public transport accentuates and highlights your vulnerabilities. It goes without saying that you do not hear announcements.
When you do travel alone, you loiter in front of digital display screens checking almost constantly for changes to train platforms or plane departure gates.
I have been known to follow a rush of people responding to a last minute platform change announcement at a major train station, having to trust to the probability that they were planning to catch the same train as me.
Travelling in a group, you appear a little slower than your companions when alighting at new stops. Seeking out and reading signs takes time. Searching in your bag for guidebooks or i-phone navigation apps takes longer as your eyes can only do so much at once.
Comments made amongst your travelling companions in response to immediately required travel decisions pass you by if not directed directly at you.
You are not stupid, but as the journeying goes on, you increasingly feel less capable than your fellow travellers. They do not know this and there is little to be gained from sharing this with them.
Your confidence becomes a little bit more fragile and you have to dig a little bit deeper into your inner resources not to give into insecurity.
I usually set my mind to deriving other benefits from the experience and the time it affords for thinking and reflection. You have to think laterally as well.
This can have unexpectedly beneficial consequences. I watch all manner of thought provoking non-mainstream foreign language films on planes; they are generally the only films on offer with English subtitles….
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shonajh
October 21, 2015
Agree totally that it is a challenge , and with my hearing aids I have a greater ability to hear what’s going on, but even I find it daunting using public transport because I don’t use it very much. But as much as I dread it , when I have done it , I get a great feeling of acheivement.☺i am hopeless at timetables , maps and even if someone gives me directions and I hear them , my brain does not absorb so its a double whammy. The reverse side of the coin is that I have no fear of driving anywhere mainly because I am in total control ( as long as I don’t have a passenger to attend to ) ….I meet loads of people who just don’t have the confidence to do that so it balances out. For now I am making myself use public transport as much as possible & a fellow deafie who was with me when I did get on the wrong train and she later on her own discovered this when it did not take her to the right station , said it made her feel ‘ alive’ when she finally overcame all the obstacles and arrived home. You are very brave every time you travel & remember there are plenty of people who can hear who never travel by themselves ! Oh finally the downside is that I have to be extra early for all departures just so that I can check out platforms , departure gates etc etc so that I never have to rely on asking someone for help.lol.
samthornesite
November 8, 2016
Totally understand your frustration, particularly with regards to the need to hover around departure boards. It’s maddening. And yes, it can make you feel very self-conscious and vulnerable. I came to the conclusion a couple of years ago that the best way to make life easier for myself is to find someone clearly not in a rush and ask for help. Often. I encounter the occasional rude git, but on the whole, people are happy to help out. One man even walked me to the right platform!