Teresa Garratty: 5 presents you really SHOULDN’T give a deaf person for Christmas

WARNING: This article is brought to you by a Christmas Scrooge.

Christmas is the time for giving….but mostly it’s all about receiving. Yes, we’re all very generous and appreciative and blah blah blah, but lets talk about something real for a second.

Crap Christmas presents. You know the ones.

You open them up and literally have to fight tooth and nail to hide your lack of enthusiasm. Any reaction that falls short of throwing the item back in the persons face and saying “WTF is this?!”, quite frankly deserves an Oscar.

Unfortunately, when you’re deaf you can be in danger of becoming the recipient of some especially pretty God damn awful gifts and it’s not that we’re ungrateful, it’s just that there’s some bestowals you really and truly shouldn’t have.

Here are a few you should probably steer clear of if you want to remain on next years Christmas card list…

• Hearing aid batteries

The deaf equivalent of getting socks. Yes, they’re handy and we need them but we were hoping for something a bit more interesting….I mean what’s next, bog roll?

• DVD… without subtitles

Prepare to meet your death. There is no bigger insult than buying a deaf person a DVD without subtitles. You might as well just kick us in the crotch and spit in our eyes. It’s like you’re trying to make our lives miserable.

• A hearing aid care kit

Almost as bad as batteries. This tells us that you basically had no idea what to get us, so you thought you’d get us something “practical” *shudders*…

• Audio books

A CD of someone reading a book. Seriously…..what the hell were you thinking?

• Tasteless Joke T shirt

1. DO. NOT. DO. IT.

That’s about all I can bear to think of for now but I’m sure there are plenty more horror stories lying in wait under the Christmas tree. I’m sure everyone means well and their hearts are in the right place but why don’t you just play it safe this year and get us something we’re guaranteed to approve of….like a private island.

Merry Crimbo everybody!

Teresa is a freelance film maker, photographer and full time cynic. At school, she was voted “Most likely to end up in a lunatic asylum”, a fate which has thus far been avoided. Her pet hates are telephones, intercoms and all living things.

The Limping Chicken is the UK’s deaf blogs and news website, and is the world’s most popular deaf blog.