The Question: Do deaf people wear hearing aids in bed?

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Here’s an article from an anonymous expert, who we’ll call Deaf Sex Guru (alas, not his real name). A reader asked him this question.

Question: is ‘bedroom activity’ any different when you’re wearing hearing aids?

Firstly, I should tell you that deaf people are notoriously direct when talking about love and all it entails.

One friend of mine asked my hearing partner when we last had sex. Straight out. When she first met him. He’s called her ‘the one who asked about our sex life’ ever since – even when I later told him her real name.

I texted this direct friend to find out a bit about her sex life. As you do.

Me: Do you wear your CI in bed?

She replied:

Her: Not really, it gets a bit messy if you get my meaning… however he still wears his hearing aids.

This made me wonder whether this was a man thing. Maybe men like to, ahem, hear what is going on when the lights are out?

I sent similar messages to mates with hearing aids asking whether they wore them in bed. Here are some of the replies:

F: they’re sometimes off, but mostly off cos they’re off already!

L: off, cos they’re in the way!

A: Nope, I don’t like to wear hearing aids when having sex, it’s the same thing as my glasses; too steamy!

P: If its straight to the nitty gritty I guess we’ve got aids in, but if in bed to sleep first or bath time, aids are out!

J: If quickies or unexpected sex outdoors we don’t give it a second thought!

I now feel I know a little too much about my friends. But I’m not sure if that’s a bad thing. Here is my favourite answer:

P: We need to leave them in, because we need to know if we make too much noise as it sets the baby alarm off with vibrating and flashing alerter!

The mind boggles.

I wonder what hearing people think going out with a hearing aid wearer might be like. Do they get worried about kissing them then hearing the dreaded ‘WEEEEEEEEEEEE’ as the hearing aids come loose and spill feedback out? And if it’s a digital hearing aid, SHRILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!

I can’t give any more information about this, but I confess I once saw a slightly, er, adult video which featured an ‘actor’ wearing blue hearing aids. The other actors didn’t seem to mind.

I suppose they were being paid enough to offset any fear of hearing a high-pitched whistle.

Deaf Sex Guru has asked to remain anonymous because if it came out that he’d written this, he would lose his career and home.