I caught a bus into town the other evening to go to a meeting of my writers’ group. (This is not an interesting fact in itself. I know. Bear with me.)
It’s true that I could, and should, have set off a tad earlier. (Hey, I was running on Deaf Time, OK?) It’s also correct that I was unlucky in missing one service by nanoseconds. It took a while for the next one to trundle into view, after yet more precious minutes had ticked away.
The thing was, I wasn’t just attending the writers’ gig – I was, on this occasion, running the thing. As one who is barely capable of running the proverbial bath, never mind an actual meeting, my stress levels were steadily rising.
What’s more, it was a different bus service to those I normally use, so I wasn’t entirely sure where it stopped in town, or where would be the best place to jump off. So, what do you do? You ask the driver, of course. Except that, inevitably, I couldn’t hear his mumbled response.
So, what do you do? You ask him to repeat it, of course. Inevitably, the words were lost, again, and I had to ask him a third time – of all the nerve! At this, the driver clearly lost it, tutting and rolling his eyes dramatically.
By that point, I’d rather lost it as well. I found myself, somewhat to my shame, yelling at this guy and telling him I was deaf. (Deaf, you hear me, DEAF!) And I was doing this even though I don’t really consider myself to be deaf as such, and certainly not profoundly so. In the modish parlance, I ‘identify’ as severely hard of hearing.
Regrettably, the driver, clearly not having the best of evenings himself, decided he also quite fancied a right old dingdong, so we stood there (or he sat, strictly speaking, in his little cabin) shouting at each other while the mostly Nepali passengers had expertly mastered the great British art of staring out of the window as though the unpleasant scenario wasn’t unfolding a few feet away from them.
I stormed off, furious at my treatment, although I ended up not being too late after all. Nonetheless, it was an unsettling experience, and one that could have been entirely avoided with a clear repetition of the information I needed in the first place. To be fair, I could have been calmer, too.
Having posted the obligatory Facebook huffing and puffing post, I explained all this in an email to the bus company. They took around three days to respond, and, even then, they just said something about needing to talk to the driver. I won’t hold my breath for them to get back to me.
And the sorry little tale is a reminder, as if it were needed, that deaf awareness training simply isn’t routinely incorporated into organisations’ professional development.
The incident was one more of those little daily things that crop up, that clearly aren’t Trump-Brexit-Syria, but, still, they wear you down. And I couldn’t help wondering whether I’d have been treated with the respect I deserved on that bus had I been carrying a white stick.
It wasn’t an isolated incident. The cold caller who puts the phone down the second you say you’re hard of hearing. The woman at the gym who won’t change bikes so you can be near the spinning class instructor. The one who says ‘Are you all right?’ in patronising tones just because you are twiddling with your hearing aid. (She wouldn’t do that if it was your spectacles you were fiddling with.) The people who laugh nervously when you explain you can’t hear, or the shop assistant who says ‘Not a problem’ when you say you need something repeated. Er, any reason why my deafness should be a problem? It’s not for me most of the time, I’m terribly sorry, is it one for you?
Sometimes, it can feel as though, cumulatively, these constant minor ignorances add up to quite a lot. And as though I need to be better equipped at dealing with them.
David Stowe
March 6, 2017
I have these incidents daily. Don’t suffer fools gladly. Rise above the matter. YOU are the better person at the end of the day.
Have a good day…..
MW
March 6, 2017
I love the writing and the tales that goes with it……keep going to the writing classes…and yeahhhh everyday issues sorry am deaf ….blurrrr blurr mumble oh hell… but some I can tell you do change their attitude and speak clearly…but only a few and when they do I am an ok person. I now give one big long stare if they don’t behave including d/deaf people they can be mutterers too.
Natalya
March 6, 2017
From talking to a partially sighted friend she finds bus drivers are variable even though she has a white cane (some don’t even stop, assuming she can’t see them do this).
A minority do things they’re supposed to (identify the service number, direction and some other info verbally) but most don’t and some when she asks for this information to check she’s on the right bus get all huffy with her…
Sadly I think bus drivers are very variable to anyone with a disability, just look at the #ridetoride wheelchair users and space debacle. Drivers are supposed to ask non disabled users of the wheelchair space to move, many won’t, and some get very aggro about it. They’re also supposed to lower ramps and sometimes they refuse or get nasty about it, especially if it is requested by an ambulant disabled person (using sticks).
Natalie
March 16, 2017
It’s probably sadistic of me, but when I encounter people like that I mess with them 😀 Most bus drivers (especially on my local service) know me, who I am, and that I’m deaf so they’re not daft about it but the passengers….
I live somewhere where people do just strike up conversations on the bus or at the stop and I love it. It’s just when they hear my voice and sympathise because I have a cold (-_-) so I explain, no, I’m deaf but I lipread and speak… this is an especially confusing concept when I’m on the bus to and from my viola lesson… because deaf can’t play an instrument right? Right?
It’s just too easy… I can’t help but troll them after they’ve made it a huge point that I can’t talk and be deaf, or play music and be deaf… Plus I walk away laughing. Much better than sadness or anger, and hopefully next time they’ll either ask nicely or keep their opinions to themselves.