Hello, this is my first time writing on the Limping Chicken blog!
The reason I am writing is because I have a son who is seven months old, who – like my wife and I – is deaf.
To watch Matt’s article signed in BSL by Helen Foulkes, press play below, or scroll down to continue in written English!
My wife and I are happy, and my deaf parents and deaf brother are happy too. My wife’s parents are a bit upset because they’ve been through bringing up a deaf child themselves, but my wife’s told them it will be fine.
My wife and I can give him love, understanding, and four languages – English, Italian, British Sign Language (BSL) and Italian Sign Language (LIS).
We meet hearing people out there and they say he looks cute, lovely, and so on. I don’t tell them that he’s deaf like us because it will make them say ‘I’m sorry’. It’s better to let them look at my baby’s happiness. He keeps on smiling at them.
We are part of a Facebook and WhatsApp group with other deaf parents who have deaf children, where we discuss our children’s future. There are 18 children in all. We are all worried about our deaf children’s education.
Our deaf friends who have hearing children often say that the problem we will face is education. They’re right. In my area, a lot of deaf children have cochlear implants and are educated without using BSL.
Audiologists tend to see my son’s deafness from a medical perspective and don’t recognise us as a deaf family. The audiologist mentioned cochlear implants when we last met them – they hadn’t mentioned it before because they knew what we would say.
We won’t agree to a cochlear implant unless our son decides he wants it himself.
The audiologist said that a cochlear implant is important for our son to pick up language and understanding. But I am deaf and understand English and the world around me, while my wife is deaf and understands Italian, German, English and signs in three sign languages – British, German and Italian.
I feel the approach of audiologists, which does not encourage sign language, leads to language delay and language deprivation for deaf children.
At the moment, we are still looking for a suitable nursery for my son. Also, we must think ahead for primary and secondary school. It is hard, but we are getting there.
My wife has found a deaf baby who is a similar age to my son, who lives locally. She is meeting up with the parents. It turns out that the baby will have a cochlear implant and that the audiologist told them not to use sign language with her, but the parents have (luckily) decided to sign anyway. My wife is happy to meet them.
If my son asks if he can have a cochlear implant in the future, I will tell him to make a decision based on what he feels, for his future, his education, work and social life. Then (gulp) I will accept his decision.
I hope that makes sense to you. I’m happy to read your comments.
Matt Kirby is a Deaf actor who appeared in Text Batteries & Earwax, Hands Solo, The Fingerspellers, Four Deaf Yorkshiremen go to Blackpool, and many more. He’s also a part time worker in the health industry, and a first time dad.
Alison
November 22, 2017
Congratulations on having a beautiful healthy son. I wish you all the best for the future.
Mary Carolan
November 22, 2017
I believe, unfortunately the problem starts with the ‘professionals’ working with Deaf children and their lack of education about the Deaf community.
From my experience they have virtually zero understanding of Deaf culture, the richness of BSL and the Deaf community. Without this knowledge they are unaware of the benefits this fully grammatical LANGUAGE has in SUPPORTING a Deaf child’s development. NOT hindering it. In my opinion, preventing a Deaf child the opportunity to access sign language, is the equivalent of placing ear defenders on a hearing child and applying masking tape over their mouth.
Sounds cruel and ridiculous doesn’t it, well think about it.
Hearing parents are now encouraged to learn baby signs with their hearing children, to help their hearing child, communicate with them, the parents. Why because the hearing child has not yet developed speech.
But, a hearing parent is discouraged to learn sign language as this could delay their child’s ability to hear words. THEY’RE DEAF. It’s a bizarre world we live in.
Matt, your child is lucky to be born into a Deaf family. He will not have language delay or development delay. He will grow to be a confident happy expressive human being.
Matt Kirby
November 22, 2017
Thank you for your comment.
Gio Lester
November 22, 2017
Matt, the lack of cultural knowledge and sensitivity also affect foreigners who don’t speak a local language well – to a MUCH lesser degree, but it is there. And we also hear that we should not use our primary language with our children because it will confuse them. Right?!?!
I applaud you or being so aware of the battles ahead and getting ready for them. I truly wish they were not there.
My first grandbaby was talking at the age of 5 months because her mom taught her sign language. She had none of the frustration I experienced as a parent not being able to communicate with my children.
Mary Carolan is right to point out the weakness having professionals carrying for individuals in the deaf community who are not familiar with the deaf culture. Maybe the battle should start there. Can you imagine the doctors attending a deaf child’s birthday party without an interpreter? That would be a sight!
Congrats on a strong family.
Chris b
November 23, 2017
I am not critising your decision about the cochlear implant but I have read that they work best only if used within a short amount of time. By delaying you might actually be taking away the option rather than delaying g it
Matt Kirby
November 23, 2017
Chris, “they work best only if used within a short amount of time” is the same as delaying really. My only concern is the language deprivation. I know I will given my son using oral English and BSL aswell. (also spoken / sign Italian language). This is for the education not for the hearing prespective that spoken is better than sign. Actually they are both are the same time. Like ‘Baby Sign’ target hearing babies to get their cognitive visual better. Same as deaf baby using cognitive visual aswell. But why the audiologists prefer to NOT to use sign language, speech first. That is confuse me. But thank you for your comment, Chris.
Gio. of course I will continue on with my strong family. I was brought up deaf family, both of my parents are not good at English and sometime my deaf brother and I help them to understand the written letter, etc (a bit like CODA but DCODA) I won’t let them bully us, only given us happiness. Thank you for your comment, Gio
Mary Carolan
November 23, 2017
THERE IS NO LANGUAGE DEPRIVATION.
The Deaf child has the richest accessible language to babies more than any other language. Giving the baby the opportunity to communicate with the parents, not the other way around. PLEASE Mr and Mrs Kirby, you have no worries. You are part of a beautiful family, enjoy that x
Marianne
November 23, 2017
Congratulations, your son is blessed to have you both as such super thoughtful and loving parents. I wish you and your special family all the very best. xxx
Lana Senchal
December 10, 2017
.myself like you, Deaf with deaf parents..I read somewhere..Sign language NEVER harms any children! Your child will be able to access full BSL vocabulary through his eyes. Congrats and a very happy Xmas/Buono natale