Ask the Chicken: How do I know when I’m speaking too loudly?

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In an uncertain world, there’s one person you can turn to for dependable advice: the limping chicken. Offering sensible advice for all kinds of common deaf-related problems. 

K asks:

I work full time and I have a cochlear implant. Since getting my cochlear implant, I hear much better but unfortunately I can still be told I talk too loud, too quiet or too unclear. Particularly at work.

Last week I was meeting with a client in a private meeting room in our workplace. The door was locked. This is an important client although we are friendly and we were having a catch up about Christmas break.

Another member of staff opened the door (I don’t think she knocked), to tell me off for talking too loudly.

I was upset and embarrassed, particularly to be spoken to in such a way in front of an important client. This client also considered it rude. It gave a bad impression of our company but also it made me very self concious as I do not know the volume of my voice.

I approached the staff member afterwards to inform her that I am deaf and do not know my voice volume. She said she didn’t know this but did not apologise. I do not know who she was although someone else told me she is senior in the organisation.

I really wanted to seek advice from other people as to what I can do and if what I did do was appropriate. I always worry about getting into trouble if I stand up for myself.

I did read one of your previous articles about deaf people speaking loudly but I am keen to have advice on how to handle this in a work situation without looking like someone who complains all the time!

I’ve been interrupted when speaking before to be told I’m talking too quiet and need to speak up. All of it is affecting my enjoyment of work.

The chicken says:

Talking at the right volume is something that is nearly impossible when you are deaf and can’t hear how loudly you are speaking.

I myself have a voice that travels farther than I’d like it to, which has got me into trouble in the past, and I’m basically incapable of speaking quietly!

The first thing to say is that senior or not, your colleague was incredibly rude to come into your meeting and say you’d been talking too loudly in front of a client. Especially with you never having met her before.

If she was genuinely concerned, she could have asked you to pop out for a second and gently told you in a manner that was supportive and did not embarrass you.

She certainly should have apologised afterwards, when you told her about your deafness.

Try not to take her behaviour personally – she is probably rude to other people and what she did probably says more about her character and personality than anything about you.

You would be within your rights to register a complaint about this incident, although if it was a one-off you may wish to make a note of it, and raise it if something similar happened again.

Standing up for yourself can be hard when you are deaf, partly because if a person responds angrily, we are at a disadvantage in understanding their reply. Any indecisiveness on our part could be seen as us not being confident in our complaint.

On the other hand, not standing up for yourself can make you lose confidence and feel you’ve been badly treated. I’d suggest using a medium you are confident in, perhaps email, to politely point out that something wasn’t really fair, and ask for a discussion when you know you have communication support.

As for knowing how loudly to speak, there’s no easy solutions here, although perhaps supportive colleagues could have a signal they use during meetings to help you know when you speak up, or down.

Perhaps rubbing their chin, touching an earring, or something like that (although hopefully they wouldn’t develop an itchy chin during the meeting, otherwise it could all go wrong!).

I hope things improve for you and you start to enjoy work more again.

Do you agree with the chicken’s advice? Tell us what YOU would do below!

Please send your problems for consideration to: editor@limpingchicken.com