Caroline O’Leary: The moment I realised my mother was Deaf

I didn’t know my mother was Deaf, and I didn’t realise that people could understand me quicker than her, until I was about five.

I can remember being in a butcher’s shop, and my Mam said to the guy behind the counter: “Can I have three pork chops.” He looked fearful and went off to have a word with the other butcher, both looking at my mother.

Caroline when she was one with her parents.

Mam was getting annoyed and told me to just tell the man: “I want three pork chops.” I didn’t understand and said: “But you’ve told him already.” I did what I was told, though, and as if by magic the butcher understood me, and three pork chops appeared. So that was when I realised – I understand Mam’s voice, but others don’t.

Both of my parents were Deaf, and I’m the eldest of three, so the first people I ever met in my life were Deaf, and sign language was our first language.

Children of Deaf parents (CODA) have a great understanding of injustice and access in the world, and a sense of empathy and inclusion with anybody who is different. My mother became Deaf at age six, my dad was discovered Deaf at 18 months, we three children and all 11 grandchildren are all hearing.

When I was born in England, my grandparents sent my Mam’s sister, Frances, who was 17 at the time, over to live with us, to help ensure I would learn how to talk! The public health nurse advised my mother that I had to go to playschool when I was two. It was a lot of unnecessary fuss, as hearing children of Deaf parents will always learn to talk because of contact with their ‘hearing’ extended family, television, radio, friends, neighbours, and school.

My mam was educated in St Mary’s School for Deaf girls in Cabra, run by the Dominican Nuns, during which time there was a huge emphasis on oral education and speech. As a result, she spoke and signed to us, but Dad only signed, and when he would come home from work, the family all used Irish Sign Language.

I was born in Windsor, outside London, as my parents left Ireland to go there as there were better job opportunities for Deaf people in the 1960s. Initially, they rented a television without sound but, when I was born, they paid extra for a television with sound for me to listen to. Mam used to put a radio in my pram, I asked how she knew if it was on the right frequency, and she said: “A red light would come on.” I imagine I was probably listening to great music and chat with some crackling!

I have grown up pronouncing some words wrongly copied from my mother, I came to realise this from my friends and sometimes got embarrassed! Now I love all our mispronounced family words with much affection, it’s a unique endearing experience shared amongst many CODA’s the world over.

Caroline’s parents.

People can often be unintentionally patronising, asking can my parents drive, or can I read braille, and ask if my home was really quiet – it wasn’t! Deaf parents are noisy! My brother is a musician, and he used to be up in his room jamming on his electric guitar late at night until our neighbours would come knocking on the door informing my parents to ask him to knock it off. There was never any policing of sound in our house! When I had my children, I was a noisy parent also as I’d no experience of staying quiet, so as not to wake the baby!

It’s a myth that all Deaf people can lip-read. The very best of the best lip-readers only get about 45% of the conversation, some Deaf people, on a one-to-one basis conversing with someone they’ve become very familiar with, could get-by. Lip reading is not reliable to be able to get through situations like hospital appointments, though.

My parents didn’t have access to our parent-teacher meetings growing up. They mostly went to Deaf community events, and we loved those occasions. It was then we saw our parents the same as everyone else’s, if not leaders, and able to organise and participate at events.

Then, contrasting that with where we lived, a lot of our neighbours thought that Deaf people couldn’t do much, or they didn’t get to know them – my mother, Josephine O’Leary, and another Deaf woman Alvean Jones have just written a book, ‘Through the Arch’, a the history of St Mary’s School for Deaf girls in Ireland over 170 years, and she was also one of the first ‘signers’ in RTE news and presented a Deaf TV programme, Sign of the Times.

Irish Sign Language is unique to Ireland. Originally, when Deaf girls and boys were educated separately in Cabra, there were ‘boy signs’ and ‘girl signs’ as a result. When Irish Deaf women would come together, they would sign away and use their ‘girl signs’, but when men joined in the conversation, boy signs became dominant in the conversation. A research PhD has been done on this phenomenon.

And, in Northern Ireland, Protestant children learned British sign language, while Catholic children were sent to Dublin to receive a Catholic education, and learned Irish sign language. So, even now, when we meet deaf people in Northern Ireland, we can tell their religion, this is also unique to Ireland.

Caroline with her parents in 2011.

Things are better for Deaf people than they were years ago, a lot depends on the Deaf person themselves being proactive in saying ‘I want this, and I’m not going to settle for anything less’. Last Christmas, the Irish Sign Language Act was enacted; Deaf people now have a right to all public services with Irish sign language interpretation provided. That was a 30-year campaign. If a Deaf person has to go to a hospital appointment, they request the hospital to book an interpreter; the hospital goes through an agency to do this.

There are still grey areas where it’s not so easy to get an interpreter, like at parent-teacher meetings in a school. Or if a Deaf parent wants to go to their hearing children’s school play, a drama show, an exhibition, a Irish dancing feis, it’s an ongoing battle sometimes to constantly ask the school to providing interpreters, and it’s difficult for Deaf parents to get equal access.

My job with the Citizens Information Service is a really nice way to work with Deaf people, because when I work as an interpreter, I am simply relaying the information but I cannot advise, counsel, or give my opinion. It can get a bit frustrating to see a Deaf person not getting their needs met.

But in Citizens Information in the Deaf Village, we can assist Deaf people from all over the country, because they can call into the office, email, text, or skype their queries. Somebody could be in Donegal and could show me a letter through Skype, and I can sign back an explanation to them.

There is so much that is telephone-based these days, it is a better world for Deaf people, but there is still lots of room for improvement. We need more interpreters, there just aren’t enough to meet the demand in Ireland.

Last year, the National chaplaincy for Deaf People Ireland organised a nine-day pilgrimage to the Holy Land. There were 60 Deaf people, 20 hearing people, three priests (Fr Gerard Tyrrell, who can use Irish Sign Language, Fr Paddy Boyle, and Fr Martin Noone), two chaplains, and five ISL interpreters. Together, we were able to give Deaf people a fully-accessible pilgrimage. It was a truly wonderful experience for all of us.

Caroline O’Leary was born to Deaf parents who were leaders of the Deaf community, tirelessly striving for better access and opportunities within and for the Deaf community in Ireland. Caroline completed her interpreting training in San Antonio College, Texas, USA in 1999 when she then returned to Ireland working as a freelance Irish Sign Language Interpreter.   Caroline is a founding member and previous Chairperson of the Council for Irish Sign Language Interpreters (CISLI) continues to work as a free lance ISL interpreter, she is also employed as a part-time information and advocacy support worker with Citizens Information Service in the Deaf Village Ireland for the past four years serving the Deaf community and the hearing community in the surrounding area. 

Caroline’s article was originally posted on the Humans of the World Meeting 2018 Facebook page, and is reposted here with their kind permission.