The Secret Deafie: Wearing a hearing aid has transformed my life

The Secret Deafie is a series of blogs about deaf experiences submitted anonymously by different contributors.

All my life I’ve had people laugh at my ears. All my life people have struggled to understand my voice and a lot of people have probably thought I am stupid because of it.

Teachers always told me to “speak up more” or wrote in reports “she needs to join in more in class conversations”.

I pretty much failed my AS German exam because I couldn’t understand the hearing part of it – turns out “unterkunft” and “zukunft” are very different in meaning! A special thanks to my GCSE Maths teacher who knowingly embarrassed me in front of the class countless times.

Subtitles are essential if I’m watching tv. I lipread and have done so automatically since I was little. You can turn the volume up full blast and my left ear will still not be able to hear certain sounds or pitches.

I cannot sing or play an instrument to save my life. I mishear conversations regularly or people calling me from across the room; I swear I am not ignoring you!

I avoid joining in conversations in loud rooms at times because half of the time I’ve not heard half of what you’ve said to me. If you face away from me and speak, most of the time I’ve got no bloody clue what you’re saying, sorry!

I lip read, so please don’t look at me as though I’m staring at you in a weird manner, I’m just trying to understand what you are saying! If you say something to me, even if you repeat it 3x and I still stare at you blankly, it’s not stupidity; I’m just partially deaf.

I suffer from high frequency sensorineural hearing loss in my left ear. Some sounds just don’t get through. I cannot hear my own voice inside my head when I speak. My left ear feels like I’m underwater, the hearing in it is so muffled. The worst bit? This was noticed when I was a baby and then at the next check up apparently all was well. Fab!

I admittedly have horrendous speech, complete with pitch and pronunciation difficulties; maybe you would too if you couldn’t hear certain noises or your own voice. I went to a GP, when I was 14, begging for a speech therapy referral. He didn’t even check my hearing or connect the dots. This was despite even having family history of profound deafness and other hearing problems.

I’ve known there was something wrong with my hearing since I was 13 or 14 and didn’t admit it until last year when I was 23. I was embarrassed. There’s no stigma attached to glasses nowadays but there still is to hearing aids.

People see a hearing aid and assume they need to talk slowly and patronisingly to the person who happens to have a hearing deficit. I’ve witnessed this first hand. It wasn’t something a shy, bullied self-conscious teenager with terrible glasses wanted to experience personally.

When I listen to music through headphones, near on everything is louder and clearer in my right ear. I can turn up to full volume and it’s still muffled as though I’ve got cotton wool in my ear. If I’m driving with music on, there are certain songs that even at volume 16 I cannot hear, because of how the sound travels. I love music with heavy beats and vibrations because I can hear it in both ears for a change!

I finally plucked up the courage last year to speak to my GP after a bout of sinusitis totally threw my hearing and gave me severe pain in my ear, as well as little-to-no hearing in it.

When my GP tested my hearing with a vibrating tuning fork, pretty much nothing was going through at the back of my ear. I went back after my sinusitis cleared and it still wasn’t very good. My right ear wasn’t perfect, but in comparison to my left ear it baffled both the GP and I why I hadn’t done anything sooner.

A lot of places are offering free hearing tests nowadays, and this is fantastic! I personally think everyone should attend one, your hearing is one of your most important senses and shouldn’t be dismissed as something that needs checking.

When I walked into the room at Boots, the audiologist looked me up and down and I could tell he was thinking I was a time waster. I suppose it’s more usual to see over 60’s pop in for age-related hearing loss concerns.

I was tested on a basic audiogram which Boots use to predominantly test for age-related hearing loss, so the audiologist told me. The results weren’t pretty. It should be a pretty much straight line on the graph, but my left ear’s result looked like a scatter graph.

Funnily enough the audiologist was actually very kind and sympathetic after he realised I wasn’t wasting his time. He referred me to the hospital for further tests and I couldn’t be more grateful.

At the hospital appointment, I had to have another, more detailed pure tone audiogram which confirmed very similar results to the one a couple of months earlier.

I was told that yes, I was partially deaf, and I suffer from the aforementioned high frequency sensorineural hearing loss. I had to have an MRI scan to rule out any link between my hearing and any brain issues, and thankfully that came back normal.

Less than two weeks later, I received a phone call inviting me to a hearing aid clinic appointment in two days’ time! I went into it not knowing if I would get a hearing aid then and there, but I did.

I was shown the results of the audiogram and the audiologist explained further that I am severely to profoundly deaf at the highest frequencies in my left ear. This made me a good candidate for a non-moulded, simple Phonak hearing aid model, as they could target only the worst parts of my hearing.

As soon as it was uploaded with the correct information relevant to my hearing issue, the aid was put in my ear. It was and has been, in the past few weeks, revolutionary.

Songs I’ve listened to for years contain sounds I’ve never heard before; I can finally hear my own voice in my head when I’m speaking, and my voice sounds a lot clearer.

My boss, who I have known since childhood, noticed instantly that I sound less nasal when I’m talking. I can hear a lot better in a noisy gym, and don’t have to lip read as frequently when I’m having a conversation with someone. Sound feels a lot more centred in my head, and my only problem? The hearing aid falling off my ear at work!

The sound is still not perfect in my left ear, but it’s approximately 20x clearer and I would rather wear a hearing aid for the rest of my life than feel as though I’m underwater.

Eight months on, I can honestly say that my hearing aid has changed my life. I’m more confident in myself, am happier to discuss hearing loss with anyone who will listen, and I’ve found it a lot easier to date.

There have been a few, minor problems including still not being able to hear in very noisy rooms, batteries dying whilst driving or working, and the hearing aid falling out whilst I am at work.

I still cannot pronounce all words or hear every sound, but my diction is improving and so is my ability to speak loudly and confidently. Overall, I am very pleased with my experience with a hearing aid so far, and I strongly urge anyone who was suffering in silence – literally – as I was, to get their hearing checked!

The Secret Deafie is a series of blogs about deaf experiences submitted anonymously by different contributors. If you have a story you’d like to tell, just email editor@limpingchicken.com.

Read our previous Secret Deafie posts by clicking here.