Deafie Blogger: Dating, relationships and deafness

Valentine’s Day is drawing nearer, a perfect time to share my experiences and tips of dating with deafness?

Whether you’re single, or in a relationship, whether with a deaf or hearing partner, or you both have hearing loss in common, I hope you’ll find something to relate to!

My love story

Growing up profoundly deaf, it’s fair to say that society wasn’t always understanding of deafness. School was quite an isolating time socially, and of course I had concerns for the future, especially with my love life.

Seeing all my friends with boyfriends/girlfriends made me think, will I ever find love and be happy? If only I could tell my teenage self, those ‘relationships’ were just high school flings, nothing serious, and that I’d find true love one day!

They say you find someone special when you least expect it, and that happened to me! A few days before I was due to go on an NDCS Deaf Young Leaders’ Course, my best friend’s Mum told me, ‘perhaps you may meet someone!’, to which I laughed and thought nothing of it. Now, 5 years later I am still in awe that she predicted that!

I met my deaf boyfriend during the course, and we got on so well! We are in a long distance relationship, Wales > Norfolk (250 miles apart) and we are still going strong. I never thought I’d find someone who cared and loved me for who I am, and the fact we share deafness in common is another bonus that I never expected! If it can happen to us, it can happen to anyone…

Deaf dating dilemmas

Every relationship has its challenges, but with deafness on top you have to find ways around situations to make it work.

What’s hilarious for us, is when we misunderstand each other and don’t realise… One day we were having a heated debate about something, and my Mum was laughing as we were talking about two different things!

Also, try getting your point across when the other decides to remove their hearing aids! *Guilty!*

Here are some useful tips for dating with deafness!

Respect each other

We all have our own views, cultural differences and lives, and if we can be understanding of one another, it makes a big difference to a relationship. Trust, honesty and communication is vital to a healthy partnership. Most importantly, be yourself!

A little deaf awareness goes a long way

Get their attention before speaking, face each other when talking and repeat if they ask you to (no matter how many times!) Perhaps write or type it down.

Maybe if they know sign language, start to learn the fingerspelling alphabet and a few signs? They’ll love you for it, and it makes them feel more included.

Maybe ask them how they best like to communicate, and then you can action accordingly. It’s best not to assume that they use sign language/or don’t speak!

Come to mutual agreements

When choosing date nights, or things to do, it’s important to discuss what you’d both like from it. One may wish for a quiet, well-lit scene, as opposed to a noisy concert venue, the other may like music. Try and meet in the middle to make it enjoyable as well as accessible. Consider location, noise levels, lighting, number of people and other factors.

Consider how the other feels

It’s important to be honest, and considerate of the other. Sit down and discuss any issues, concerns, how to help make things easier. If it’s all out in the open, it can only get better from there!

If you feel they aren’t meeting you in the middle, perhaps you may have to consider if they are right for you? Love and dating should mean happiness, acceptance and joy, we all deserve it.

Wait patiently, and it will find you

If you’ve not found ‘the one’ yet, do not worry! There’s plenty of fish in the sea, and a whole lifetime to go – enjoy your life and who knows, maybe one day?

Deafie Blogger, aka Ellie, was born profoundly deaf, uses verbal communication, lipreads and wears Phonak hearing aids. She is currently learning British Sign Language. Ellie embraces every new challenge, such as excelling in her education, working as a Marketing Executive for a Spa & Health Club, Events and Promotions Staff for a local newspaper as well as blogging for Hearing Like Me. She is passionate about deaf awareness, campaigning for equality and helping others through her personal blog as Deafie Blogger.