Teresa Garratty: What has lockdown taught you?

It’s a funny ol’ time isn’t it? And by “funny” I mean dismally horrible.

Why does the English language do that? Why create a word and then use it in a way that means the opposite of its original intent?

Anyway, wherever you are in the world, no doubt you’ve been affected in some way by the current pandemic and while there are still some positive things in the world, 2020 has definitely not been all sunshine and rainbows.

In fact it’s pretty much just been wall to wall sh*t storms.

The UK seems to be in a new stage of not really knowing what to do about the pandemic. It’s definitely NOT over but it’s not the same as it once was.

Lockdown is easing, masks are being worn (in a variety of infuriatingly incorrect ways) and there seems to be a hint of “normality” returning. Is it too soon? Will there be a second wave? If so, will I pack it all in and live in the woods never to return? Highly likely for all of the above.

Well, whatever happens it feels like now, during this bizarre, uncertain purgatory it might be good to take stock and reflect on what we’ve been through so far. Perhaps we can even salvage some positivity out of this abhorrent nightmare…it’s not like I’ve got anything better to do anyway!

If you’re an introvert, all the quarantining, social distancing and self isolating must have been some form of depraved fetishism for you. Hose yourselves down, you detty pigs!

On the other hand, if you’re an extrovert this would have been absolute torture. I am of course an ambivert, so I loathed and loved it in equal measure simultaneously. In visual terms, just think of someone sat in a car with their foot on the accelerator and brake at the same time, that’s how I got through Covid_19.

It’s been somewhat of a roller-coaster. Not in the classic sense of “highs and lows” but more along the lines of; I feel a bit nervous, it’s costing me a lot of money and I never wanted to go on on the bloody thing in the first place. We’ve all had to suffer through it in some way or another of course but there are some things in particular that I’ve noticed from a deaf perspective and maybe you’ve experienced them too.

In terms of isolation, most deaf people feel it at the best of times, so for myself and potentially some of you, lockdown had me feeling even more disconnected than usual.

I’m lucky in the sense that I had other people in my shared house during full lockdown (and my cat!) but I still missed my family, my friends and going to deaf events etc. It’s not easy to build friendships when you’re self isolating and a lot of the connections I made beforehand seem to have faded, but you know what they say. The ones that stick around are the only ones worth holding on to.

The only real saving grace was knowing that it wasn’t just me going through it, we were all stuck inside with nothing to do and nowhere to go. Maybe that’s why people are nervous of things returning to “normal”…we’ve got no excuses anymore. It’s back to feeling isolated for all the other reasons.

I wasn’t particularity worried about money (I’m good at saving) but it’s been tough work wise. As a female deaf LGBT film maker, I’ve had to work hard to get to where I was pre-lockdown, so I can’t help but wonder if that hard work is going to come unravelled during this unavoidable hiatus.

The deaf media world is actually very competitive and a lot of the focus for opportunities usually goes towards young deaf people, but what about those of us already here and striving for career progression? Will we be left in limbo?

I’m personally fortunate enough to know some very supportive contacts who have kept me going during lockdown, so I will just have to pray to the media gods (Zuckerburg?) that those efforts will keep my career alive.

Before lockdown, I despised video calls and had only used an interpreter professionally once. For me, that’s all changed now. I no longer recoil in horror at the thought of signing to someone over a video feed and I’ve seen so many webinars interpreted now that I can almost keep up without having to strain every synapse in my brain…(almost!).

In this sense, access seems to have improved in some areas. There are more interpreted webinars, courses, online events etc than ever before. Some people have had more time to think about how deaf people are left out and how they can work towards changing that, long may it continue. (There’s definitely still room for improvement though).

I think that’s a general sentiment of everything that’s happened so far this year. We’ve had time to review how certain things are no longer working and where they need to change.

It seems pretty clear that if and when this is all over, we shouldn’t hope to “get back to normal”, we should hope for something better. For all of us.