Whether you’re a signer, a lipreader, a hearing aid wearer or a cochlear implant user, or maybe a bit of each of those (and some other things too), there are some things that truly only happen to a deaf person. Things that simply don’t happen to everyone else. Here’s my long-held list below. How many have happened to you?
When you tell people you are deaf, they ask if you understand Braille.
You are forced to remove six-month old bits of food from your Textphone every time you make a phone call.
You curse your mobile phone’s auto correct function when you tell people that you’re “profoundly dead.”
Once in a while, you lose your hearing aids and spend the morning searching for them, before discovering them in the pocket of the trousers you are currently wearing.
At an audiology appointment, you try to *beat* the audiologist by watching them moving their hands on the dial. This makes them irate.
You go to a deaf party just for the warm embrace of a hundred ‘deaf hugs.’
When you get bored, you sometimes watch the live subtitling mistakes on Sky News for comedy value.
Your hearing aid batteries run out during a weekend away with your partner’s (hearing) relatives. You go to bed at 8pm every night out of sheer exhaustion from lipreading all day.
When you tell people you are deaf, they SHOUT at you. You don’t mind, even though it makes it harder to understand them, but the other people in the shop look concerned.
You are told by Deaf people – in a group situation – that you’ve put on a lot of weight recently. Everyone nods. This is completely ok.
Hearing people tell you that they understand your deafness because they had a deaf dog once. Who was later put down.
You have scars on your forehead from bumping into lampposts in the street as you walk and sign.
Hearing people you meet always show you the sign for bull****. You smile politely, but secretly wish you could show them an even ruder sign in reply.
You wake up on a long train journey to find all the passengers have changed and the train has arrived at the wrong destination.
You worry that the audiologist knows how much you love them piping goo into your ears when you have new earmoulds made. And that they’re enjoying it too.
The ‘8’ button on your old TV remote control was completely worn out from turning the subtitles on (by pressing 888).
You are regularly followed around by young children in shopping malls because they’re intrigued by your hearing aids.
You play the ‘deaf card’ in order to get onto the plane before everyone else. You feel slightly embarrassed as you overtake frail old people and families with children to take your seat on the plane. Then you get over it.
Despite changing your voice answerphone message so it tells people that you are deaf and they should text or email you, they STILL leave a voice message. That you can’t hear. (via Julia Cannings)
When you tell people you are deaf, they speak to the person next to you instead. Even when they’re not necessarily your interpreter. (via Ceilidh O’Sullivan aka @deafuganda)
You don’t quite hear the question you’re asked at the airport check-in desk, so you take a wild guess and answer “yes.” As you see armed police storming towards you, it hits you that the question was “are you carrying explosives?” (via Louise Moody aka @louisemoody)
Charlie Swinbourne is the editor of Limping Chicken, as well as being a journalist and an award-winning scriptwriter. He has written for the Guardian and BBC Online, and has written films such as My Song and Coming Out, and wrote and directed Four Deaf Yorkshiremen go to Blackpool earlier this year.
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Mark
May 14, 2012
I remember the first time going on holiday with Deaf friends, which was an 18-30s holiday. The boarding clerks called out sections to make it more orderly, but one of our group who was rather more confident than the rest of us stomped off to the desk, played the said Deaf card, turned round, waved us over. I can never forget the stares of our fellow passengers as we made our way to the front and then onto the plane…
messagesfromouterspace
May 14, 2012
Thought this was excellent – I really did relate to the last one. There’s a few others though – the number of times someone has phoned me and asked to speak to me, and no matter how much they were told I was Deaf, they still wanted to talk to me on the phone. They would have been better to have been told I was Dead – maybe they would understand then?
christine
September 8, 2013
haha, happen to me
Hiccups
May 14, 2012
you have hit it on the nail
I remember one time at the airport my friend and I were taken to the first class desk and escorted to the gate with a wheelchair which we promptly put our bags on! then got on the plane first before everyone else
Victoria A Curtis (@Victoriadaisey)
May 14, 2012
The number of times I sigh as they squeeze piping goo into my ear !
sarah colwell
May 14, 2012
when I tell people that myself and my daughter are both partially deaf and actually have microtia ( basically one ear each), they sort of look at one side of my head and go ‘ooh, I’d never have noticed…’ Then they say ‘how did that happen then?’ or ‘well, I’ve never heard of that’, like it may possibly just be something I decided to make up. You know. For a laugh like.
Amanprit Johal
May 14, 2012
A group of us, 13 of us to be exact, almost missed our plane. The departure gate was shut and stranded. We ran the next gate and explained we couldn’t hear the annoucement and obviously the staff was baffled by all of us and managed to open the gate to let us on the plane. The sheer annoyance from passengers on the plane was ever so embarrassing – but hilarious!
Diana
May 14, 2012
Once keeping an appointment with an Optometrist, I noticed that this Asian lady was not being helpful in acknowledging my deafness, so in irritation I started writing and asked “do you write English?’ she looked at me looking offended and said ‘of course’ I then wrote and explained that I could not lip read 100% as everyone had different accents so therefore could we communicate by writing? She was fine after that and we got along very well after that.
ls
May 14, 2012
love the deaf dog one! yes 🙂 and variation on the shouting: we say, “i’m deaf” and they just keep talking, and talking …not shouting, just repeating and repeating – hoping that will magically change our hearing?
another: someone speaking SO slowly and with such widely-exaggerated mouth movements that it’s SO impossible to wait until the end of the sentence! (they try! and how do you tell them to get on with it? 🙂
ocean1025
May 14, 2012
With all due respect, I hate it when people say they are “partially deaf.” That’s like saying you’re “partially pregnant” or “partially diabetic.” Either you are deaf or you’re not…there is nothing partial about it. You may choose to call yourself “hard of hearing” or “hearing impaired” instead, but if you have a hearing loss you’re deaf, period. You may have a mild hearing loss or a moderate hearing loss or a profound hearing loss…but regardless of the severity, you’re still deaf. Let’s stop with this partial business and call it what it is.
barakta
May 14, 2012
With all due respect Ocean1025 why do you care?
Each to our own for what words we use to describe ourselves and our deafness and whys and wherefores. There are some words I think probably aren’t OK even for deafies to use about being deaf (deaf&dumb/mute) but otherwise, who cares!
I personally use “partially deaf” in my limited sign and in English much of the time because I do have residual hearing and I’m mostly oral (my sign’s quite basic) but I’m not keen on the term “hearing impaired” and I feel deafer than “a bit hard of hearing”. This wording is after years of trying to find a framing of my deafness that gets the clue across so there’s an explanation for the stompy walking, bad balance and watching people intently when they talk – oh and absolute refusal to have anything to do with anything telephonic if I can help it.
ls
May 14, 2012
exactly – this stuff that separates us is nonsense and not helpful; we are what we are; the important ingredient is that we are in this together (except – ah ha – always an exception -please tell the world that 90 percent of we “deaf, deafened, and people with hearing loss” do not sign – we’re never going to sign – we come from different backgrounds, we are mega millions, we are regularly offered sign language interpreters because we are “deaf” and the world has a long way to go to understand the whole picture here; we support those who do sign, it’s vital for some (and we will fight with you too, if you don’t put us down), yet we need other resources (captioning/subtitles every day, etc.). i thought that Charlie used his words very skillfully and appropriately when introducing this article, inclusively, and it’s interesting that the main point of the “humor” and silliness in our lives is diverted to discussing the “label” that one or another does not like; carry on and keep sharing good (funny) examples if one can, goodness knows, laughter is healing! ls/ccac
Tris
November 6, 2013
I would just like to say that I can understand where you’re coming from but that’s not always the case with this or that. That’s very black and white thinking but you must imagine that there is ally of gray out there and mine is one of them. I am not deaf nor do I have a hearing loss; I have (Central) Auditoru Processing Disorder which is basically dyslexia for the ears which means I can hear perfectly fine, but when I hear sound such as anything from someone speaking to me or cars driving down the road, I have difficulty figuring out what is what because they both sound the same and it’s hard for me to understand language. Not because I’m slow or something but because the sound waves don’t connect with my brain which makes it almost impossible to communicate verbally and through hearing. There are ALL KINDS OF hearing issues and not all are black and white so please take the time to understand that it’s not always just THIS OR THAT. Thanks.
Mic
May 14, 2012
As a parent, you become very tuned into the hearing aid ‘whistle’, whether it’s your kid wandering off in a store or another kid’s aid.
sarah colwell
May 14, 2012
‘Partially deaf’ is a tricky one for sure. I would have called myself and Molly ‘partially deaf’ because we have hearing on one side..but then we don’t have ‘hearing’ like other people have hearing which makes us ‘deaf’ but then we also have ‘Single Sided Deafness’!! All a bit too much for me at times!
CJ
May 14, 2012
In Reply to ocean1025, Im Totally Deaf, partial!!!
listentoarlene
May 14, 2012
I can relate to the deaf dog one too. The CEO of a huge business firm was being honored at a fundraising luncheon years ago – and told the entire audience that he knew all about deafness because he had a deaf dog. I wrote to him explaining why saying that was in incredibly poor taste – and his response to me confirmed that he was an idiot. Just being a CEO of a huge business firm doesn’t necessarily make one smart.
barakta
May 14, 2012
Thanks for these! I shall have to think of more!
I definitely laughed at the predictive text one. I’ve never been given a Braille menu tho – definitely missing out there I feel!
Surely at audiology you’re too busy trying to hear them call your name – usually an inaudible mumble from across the room before your appointment starts so you end up all meh before you start. That and have them take your hearing aid, turn their backs to you and start chattering away. Thankfully my hearing companion was quite happy to be really scathing at them for that one!
I’ve usually been able to buy new batteries at a chemist but my hearing aids which are obscure ALWAYS broke down on Fridays before bank holidays when audiology wouldn’t open till Wednesday afterwards. I didn’t sign at all then – nightmare – stress. One of the most useful things about sign is I care less and could socialise online and sign now.
The bullshit sign is boring, really boring. It’s one up from the “What?” joke.
I don’t have my voicemail enabled, if people phone the phone I don’t answer it. If it’s someone I know they get 1 warning then removed from the phone. People tend to put my number in their phones as “barakta SMS only” which reminds them when they forget. Worst I get is my mum forgetting and she can take me being a bit rude to her.
deaflinguist
May 15, 2012
Ah yes, the old waiting room thing.
I don’t actually have high blood pressure. But every time I go to the doctor s/he takes my blood pressure and says: “it’s a bit high”. I always explain: “so would yours be if you had to wait in room, not sure which doctor is going to come out and call your name, as you haven’t been told who you’re booked with, scanning every one for your name, and terrified of missing your appointment and after waiting for 20 minutes, you’re eventually called.” Every single time.
[Other than that, it’s a deaf-friendly practice – e.g. double appointments for deaf patients to allow more time for communication, but I could well do without that rigmarole.]
barakta
May 15, 2012
deaflinguist – I hear you. I normally have low blood pressure. I can walk at 80/50 and am often at 90/65ish, yet I measure 120/75 in a stressful hospital situation.
My old student GP used to have a scrolling sign which people’s names came up on after a tone was emitted. Saved them pronouncing foreign names I am sure – and also meant GP didn’t come out, the sign told you which room. They also had online appt booking which was amazing cos I could choose GPs that I would be able to hear more easily. I miss my student GP she was great!
Current GPs know me so they will come and find me, but yes, hate listening out for them, very annoying. I need to go and see them to discuss their blood tests results giving cos they will only do it by phone and I keep having to book extra nurse appts which is annoying and takes up loads of my time. I’ve got results I’ve not collected cos I just don’t have time to take off for the nurse. I am hoping if I go in and discuss it and we think of some ideas they will consider it.
Anon Terp
October 4, 2013
From an interpreter’s perspective – loads of GPs now helpfully have a combination approach. So if you’re seeing Dr Smith we’ll put it up on the display, but if you’re seeing Dr Green then we’ll announce it (quietly) into the microphone, or for Dr Jones you should be in a different waiting room, we just didn’t bother to tell you that, and the Deaf person is already there, wondering where you are. So as the ‘terp you have to chat to the Deaf person AND listen AND look at the board all at once. Multi-tasking!
Best of all, I am describing our local Audiology department! Gragh!
TerpsTube
May 15, 2012
First, Charlie I get a kick out of your blog. Now I have a question. I recently had one of my hearing aids give up the ghost and my audiologist sent it in for repair. I was without it for nearly 2 weeks and it really threw off my equilibrium. I kept feeling like I was walking in circles and I would periodically misjudge a doorway and run into the door facing. Has anyone had that experience or am I nuts?
Nicola
March 8, 2013
No, u are not the only one feel that way. I feel same way at this moment because I forgot my hearing aid and I am college student. It really hit me off when teacher talk to me and trouble understand what they say in class. Oh well, it happened.
D'Angelle
May 10, 2014
my first hearing aids fell and shattered, was told I wouldn’t be able to get more for four years… took a whole year of living without before I found someone different to help me get new ones, which I needed because my hearing had deteriorated more.
Amy
May 15, 2012
Here’s a confession… went to an amusement park with my best friend once (I was a teenager… still immature back then!), trying to get in the front of the lines faking an “acute back pain disorder” (why would I ride the rides with severe back pain, quite a dumb excuse but I got my free ticket to bypass the other people) But as soon as I was in front of the line, a bunch of deaf people saw me and thought deaf people could be in front! I drew a crowd of angry patrons, slightly hearing their grumbles. I’ll wait in line like everyone else from now on! 🙂 ,
Lana
May 15, 2012
The Lipping chicken creates a book “100 Things only happen to Deaf people?” LOL
Lana
May 15, 2012
Sorry… Limping not lipping ….. dead ….. deaf …. it happens often!
Oh Dear
May 16, 2012
Oh dear.
What could possibly be worse than telling a hearing person you’re deaf and then the person moves closer, 1 inch away from your ear, and speaks again.
Mind boggling irritating.
Ethereal
May 18, 2012
One thing I will never understand is when I tell people I am deaf and they pause then say “really? you don’t look it!” – sigh….
Diana
October 10, 2012
I did say to my students in class once, “what do you think deaf people look like? Extra large ears???” (this was when they were keenly interested in some photos I had taken of my deaf relatives and friends)
Mik
June 19, 2012
I remember sitting in the van filling time sheets in and looking up to see all 70 odd workmates looking at me as though I had gone mental, turns out I was leaning the clipboard on the steering wheel horn which had been blaring out all the time I was writing
Trudi
June 19, 2012
A while ago..at a party, met a ‘hearing’ guy trying to chat me up and realised I was deaf. He said ‘I know of someone who are deaf and dumb’ I replied, ‘Oh really? I know of someone who are hearing and dumb’. His face said everything that he was dumbfounded! I don’t think he would use ‘dumb’ word anymore…
Irene Thornett
October 31, 2013
Nice reply Trudi!! I too hate the term “deaf and dumb” because to me, the word dumb has always meant stupid – something most deaf people are not.
Liz
July 24, 2012
I really love your response to that one Trudi. I shall remember that if it ever happenss to me, because I would not have known what to say.
This is a good post and so the new post you wrote after. There are quiet alot of things on both these posts that has happened to me, including some comments that have been added in this post that has also happened, like someone speaking to you closer to your ear when you say you are deaf.
Or another for me, on one ocassion, someone spoke really slow. Now she knew I was deaf and spoke ok before, but this ocassion when I wore a deaf badge that could be seen easily, I noticed here read it, then she did that. I just couldn’t help but laugh.
Rachel & Eric Coppage
July 25, 2012
I love it when people find out that I’m Deaf and turn to my 11 year old daughter, trying to gain dialogue with her. She would nod her head, smiling and letting the person rabbit on a bit longer. I would then sign to the person, “Umm, she’s Deaf too…..”
RonM
September 7, 2012
I’m deaf (ok hearing impaired , one sided hearing and 2 digis)
I don’t sign and the most helpful thing for me is for a speaker to be on my right side and facing me (I lip read a bit). So thats what I ask people to do and normally it works !
Your needs may vary.
YOU need to let people know what’s best for you personally.
The hearing do not normally have mind reading skills
and they are not going to be encouraged to help if you just joke about them.
Editor
September 7, 2012
Be a shame if we couldn’t joke about the things that happen to us from time to time though, eh?
Meg
September 19, 2012
I always joked that ” when I tell a person I am hard of hearing, the person shouts so loud my hair blows back from the wind.” 😀
It is annoying though, because it IS super hard to understand someone shouting.
anotherboomerblog
October 10, 2012
Reblogged this on Another Boomer Blog and commented:
Just found this blog. This isn’t a test (unless it is a test of how long it will take you to laugh) and it is totally something everyone – deaf, HoH or hearing should read. (ROFLMAO)
anotherboomerblog
October 10, 2012
When I was in law school I explained my need for accomodations to the associate Dean who was the disability officer. When I explained I was hard of hearing he said, “No, you’re not.” So I took off my hearing aid and waggled it at him. He just smiled and said, “No, you’re not.” I explained one ear was profoundly deaf and the other impaired, provided a letter from an ENT and an audiologist and finally he said, “Okay, okay. But I know you hear just fine.” headdesk
ls
October 10, 2012
That is a great anecdote from “another boomer” re law school! So many of us have “heard” this. Why? I have started to write articles about this, and then get busy with other stuff – but imho, it has something to do with ‘you cannot have it both ways” according to others who call themselves able – i.e. you are either quailfied (smart for law school) therefore you are not disabled, you are not “hoh/deaf” because the world “knows” those folks are not smart enough (dumb, daft, you know). – OR – you are not qualified – don’t bother applying or talking to us for anything “extra” you may need to succeed….don’t tell us you need resrouces, etc. Others like Charlie can probably explain this better than I can!
i.e. we are disabled, or we are not – we need resources or we do not – which model of our hearing/deaf differences is the most effective? no easy answers, especially for millions of us who are “hoh or deafened” and not born “deaf”.
cheers,
Lauren, http://ccacaptioning.org
happyjen
December 27, 2012
As a deaf/hearing impaired person with low vision impairment. There are two or more things that have happen or said to me over the years. Often questions related to hearing aids.
1 What are those things behind your ears? Are they special earring?
2 Can I have one or both to try on?
3 What colours and designs to come in?
4 Are they waterproof and do they glow in the dark like in nightclub
5 How come you wear hearing aids and are they part of your overall accessory when going out? My reply is sweetheart these are not fashionable accessories they are to help me hear and help me hear.
6 Are you like six millon dollar man with super hearing powers that you hear from other side of town?
7 You share the same thing as all males have selective hearing? Not true
8 Its amazing what you hear in the public restroom sometimes, if you are testing hearing aids. Wome really do mulitask.
9 Do you have aids? My reply is no, I have hearing aids big difference between the two.
Erica
April 20, 2013
My 2 yr old son is deaf / severely hard of hearing. The question that just astounds me is “Will his hearing get better?” as if I hadn’t just explained that he was born deaf & without the hearing aides cannot even hear our conversation!!
And his grandmother asking “Well have you tried playing lullabyes or soft music to him? Or using a white noise machine?” when we were having problems getting him to go to sleep. I keep having to remind her “um, no. He’s deaf and that only works if he could hear it.” LOL
Darren
June 4, 2013
Unfortunately, recently learnt to my cost in walking into a lamppost while trying to follow a conversation and ended up in A&E!
Pollyanna
July 12, 2013
I was signing to my son in the grocery trolley, whilst the checkout person scanning my groceries. Once I turned to her and she smiled saying how clever of you to sign with your deaf son!
Huh! I am Deaf and he is hearing! She blushed when I corrected her.
Maybe she thought deaf children grow up becoming hearing?
Lynda
February 20, 2014
I have completely destroyed my brakes on my car a few times because I don’t hear them wear out!
Also leaving the fridge/freezer door open slightly (who hears the beeps).
exartym109a6
January 18, 2015
The airport check in sent me over the top!
miranda
May 13, 2015
I have a question, I’m deaf in my left ear so does that make me deaf, or HOH? I’m never sure how to refer to myself since I’m the only person in my social circles with SSD.