Last week, after having less-than-deal experiences with my local audiology service (read here and here for my blogs on it) I got new hearing aids, and was thrown into an uncertain audiological world.
Here are 10 things I found myself thinking as I tried to make sense of the brand new gadgets perched on my ears…
1. “Why is there a pneumatic drill in our fridge?”
Who knew our fridge, rated A++ for it’s environmental characteristics, rated E– for noise pollution?
So that’s why the saleswoman sold it to a deaf couple.
The other question of course, is why my new hearing aids are making such a big deal of what was previously an unnoticed sound…
2. “Do I look like I’m borrowing my granddad’s hearing aids?”
Silver – the colour of my previous pair – shone.
Grey, meanwhile, looks like it’s trying to blend in with an old person’s hair.
Maybe these hearing aids will suit me in 20 years time, but I’m not sure I can wait that long…
3. “THIS causes feedback?”
I knew my old hearing aids inside out, and I knew which of my movements would set off feedback (or whistling) sounds.
A weird smirk. A raucous laugh, for example.
And I knew how to avoid these sounds with extreme subtlety.
A mild bend of the lip. A moderation to my chin-swing, mid-guffaw.
This pair?
They’re whistling if I even wave at someone.
Heck, they’re whistling if I even think about waving at someone.
4. “It takes HOW MANY presses to get to the ‘t’ function?”
To use a loop system, which pipes sound from a telephone or TV straight into your hearing aids, I previously only had to press the button on the back of my hearing aids just the once.
Now it’s three times.
So, yeah… don’t call me. I’ll call you.
5. “There’s no off switch.”
With this pair, you have to pull the battery compartment out at the bottom of the hearing aids just to turn them off.
Even if you’re on the tube, and you want to use your hearing aids to BLOCK out the noise.
No, seriously, fellow commuter, those dangly silver things aren’t earrings.
However shiny they look.
6. “I sound like a dalek.”
I sounded like me before.
Now I sound like an alien.
Every sound I make sounds like it’s being run through a dodgy Auto-Tune system that makes me sound like I’m ET.
Croaky. Like I’ve smoked forty a day for the last twenty years.
7. “Speak the **** up!”
When did the world get so loud, and my family and friends so quiet?
8. “Do I really need to hear a cheerful jangly sound when the battery is about to run out?”
Hearing an upbeat noise that indicates I’m going to have to do something inconvenient, is annoying enough.
But then there’s the fact that the upbeat tune renders any remaining battery life utterly useless by obscuring anything else I can hear before all power is gone for good…
9. “What’s that rustling sound? An aeroplane?”
No, it’ll be my daughter putting her jacket on.
Talk about sound sensitive.
10. In conclusion: “I need new hearing aids.”
That aren’t worse than my old ones.
Check out Charlie’s list of annoying habits of hearing people (!) here: http://limpingchicken.com/2013/05/20/charlie-swinbourne-the-10-incredibly-annoying-habits-of-hearing-people/
Charlie Swinbourne is the editor of Limping Chicken, as well as being a journalist and award-winning scriptwriter. He writes for the Guardian and BBC Online, and as a scriptwriter, penned the films My Song, Coming Out and Four Deaf Yorkshiremen.
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Emma
February 17, 2014
As a hearing aid wearer, usher syndrome sufferer AND an audiologist I can tell you that every single one of your points are quite normal however the feedback you’re getting just from waving does not sound right.. I do work privately so I know the technology is better in the private world in terms of feedback prevention but still NHS aids should not be constantly whistling at you. If you’ve got lots of wax or aren’t putting them in right I’d understand the cause for the whistling but I doubt this is the case. Go back and get them to sort would be my advice. As for everything else, I hope it settles down soon! Can be anything between 2-8 weeks to get used to everything. The joys of being hearing impaired, I understand all the reasons for your listed problems of getting new aids but it doesn’t make me getting new ones any easier either 🙂 Keep up your posts, love reading them!
pennybsl
February 17, 2014
‘Hear hear…’
I have barely tolerated my digital hearing aids for some years now.
I really do MISS, MISS the old analogue hearing aids simply because they were easier to handle and manage. So,,as well as the wonderful range of ‘new-flanged’ features in the current digital hearing aids:
– the volume control – old hearing aids had numbers on the dial
– battery staying in the main body; last week during an early spring clean in the sitting room I found 11 stray batteries. That is just one room in the house. Should I set up a miniature “Battery Lost Home”? Also is it a risk for Hearing Dogs for the Deaf, thinking those shiny buttons are tasty morsels?
– programme control – the beeping seem to take longer to emit the older the aid is
– taking off the hearing aid without causing shrieking noises and without losing the batteries…did the hearing aid manufacturers try out their products first??? Certainly not.
Time to start a competition for the best Deaf-friendly & handle-friendly hearing aid, with us Deafies as judges. Start a weekly programme “Top Ear”….
Robert Mandara
February 17, 2014
Unfortunately you have not revealed the make/model of your new hearing aids.
Yet again I find myself advocating the benefits of DIY programming. That’d fix almost all of the problems you’re having, with the notable exception of changing the colour! Chameleon hearing aids anyone?!
Problems 4, 5 and 8 are operational adjustments which we all ought to be able to make ourselves. Normally you can set the number of programs, choose what they are used for, and put them in any order that suits you. For example, I have “T” as the second program so that I can get to it quickly if the phone rings. In some cases you can get a remote control for your hearing aids to let you access programs directly, without the need to cycle through them sequentially. For the “off” switch problem, set up a “mute” program. When that’s selected, you’ll hear nothing (but it is important to remember that the hearing aid is still “on” and draining the battery). Jangly sounds can often be adjusted (including off/on and for pitch and volume) to suit the user.
If I may add thought number 11: When your hearing aids and own voice sound so weird, your mood and self-confidence is likely to plummet for a while at least as you struggle not to retreat into your shell. Let people know what’s getting you down!
Graham
February 17, 2014
Brilliant!! The battery compartment thing is really annoying, but not as much as the chimes indicating the battery is going flat. It is not like I am wondering why I suddenly can’t hear anymore!
Emma
February 17, 2014
You can ask for the chimes to be taken off most hearing aids if you don’t like it. I actually find the tune useful as it can give me time to find a battery before it actually dies ☺️
Editor
February 17, 2014
It’s amazing how we all see these things differently! I guess I remember the days when they slowly ran out and I could eke them out! Charlie
Dan Schwartz, Editor, The Hearing Blog
February 17, 2014
@Charlie: Your hearing aids should never whistle — Your audio should have never let you out the door with them.
The issue of the refrigerator is something that can be fixed by enabling (or turning up) the expansion, which uncompresses the low frequencies.
The other environmental noises are from too much low frequency gain: Have the audiologist reduce the gain for 50dB & 65dB inputs up to about 800 Hz
Editor
February 17, 2014
Thanks Dan, very useful. Will ask. Charlie
JK
February 17, 2014
“You have to pull the battery compartment out at the bottom of the hearing aids just to turn them off”. How did this EVER get past user testing?! Still infuriating me after five years of wearing Phonak Naida Ultrapower hearing aids.
caroline01
February 17, 2014
I miss the analogue ones too, I’ve had digital for two years now and I’ve been through 5 replacement hearing aids, numerous lost batteries because of the offf switch being the battery compartment, and lost my ability to hear members of my family and friends talking to me. Major embarrassing moments because I’m talking louder in an effort to hear myself when a room goes silent and I’ve been called a “power junkie” by a audiologist just simply because I prefer the analogue.
I have naida V Up hearing aids and a 120 decibel loss. Yes I’m profoundly deaf and I was able to hear people saying my name with analogue, but now it’s all waving and stamping feet with the digital. And yes, my hearing aid whistles all the time too when I think about smiling as well!
kirsty
February 17, 2014
Brilliantly said! I’m glad that I’m not the only one that has discovered that they are in fact a Dalek, or a borg or a whateverorg! Does the radio sound like one long horse race commentary, or is that just me?
Mark
February 18, 2014
I remember when I went to get tested for new digital aids, they said, ohhh, you have a very profound loss, digital aids might not work with you. So why not let me keep the analogues that suited me just fine then!? It got to the stage where I just don’t wear them anymore, especially with the constant battle to try to hear my favourite music. And the constant assertions from the audiologists who said they didn’t need to be turned up any more (yes, the ol’ ‘power junkie’ thing) and that they were finely tuned, as much as they possibly could to my hearing loss… Ugh.
pennybsl
February 19, 2014
Exactly! Am very profoundly deaf, too.
After years being sidelined by Access To Work about FM hearing aids for my own use at work, I got my local audiology centre to do a formal letter stating that the NHS aids were well short of meeting my hearing loss’ needs, and suggest ATW to consider supporting my case to get private aids. Looking forward to this happening after a decade’s waiting.
Like other profoundly Deafie, I benefited greatly throughout my childhood wearing small body-worn hearing aids from the US, they were excellent and comfortable, in the 1960s and 70s.
My analogue aids are in the ‘archives’ gathering dust, am unsure if they would be effective after 8 years since I last used them,
Deaf Audiologists reading this page, you know how it is, we Deafies do have a right to continue to use analogue aids in the same way disabled people are happy to use old-fashioned walking sticks and wheelchairs, instead of being pressurised to wear digital aids.
It is a fact that more digital aids have been disposed of, compared with analogue aids, in the past few years than in the last 30 years of analogue hearing aids.
Peter
February 18, 2014
I remember when I first got my digitals … the beeping that indicates the battery is about to run out … I spent 30 minutes trying to find the cause of the noise, even waking my then-wife (hearing up) and saying “there it is again” to be met with a stern look … then I worked out that the battery was going.
UsherEire (@UsherEire)
February 22, 2014
Got my latest digital hearing aids two years ago and can agree with most of your points but after getting used to them have to say am happier with them… However first time the battery went low I got an almighty fright, when a male voice boomed into my ear ‘ warning, low battery’, and I literally jumped off the seat, lol. My previous aids used to just play a tune so wasn’t expecting that!!
Simon Ellinas
August 21, 2014
It’s the Dalek sounds which annoy me most of all. The audiologist looks at me as if I’m mad when I describe it as such. Thinking about trying some private aids that cost £1k or more! (If they allow a test run before buying, that is!)