Sara Rose: “Imagine” – a glimpse into my life with deafness

Imagine waking up each day and relying on an external power pack to get you going for the day.

Imagine how it feels to try and interact with the world around you, listening for that morning alarm, the radio, people you live with. Listening out to know when people have finished with the bathroom, watch TV, listen for the kettle to boil, making phone calls.

These are all things that challenge me on a daily basis, before I have even entered the external world beyond my front door.

Without hearing devices I have to navigate the world in a very different way. Wearing the devices is tiring, so it is important to have some down-time from them but living with other people makes this very difficult to achieve.

Fortunately my other half respects this need and adapts to meet my needs, talking to me where I can see him and close enough that I can hear him with my natural hearing.

Unfortunately this is not the case in the big wide world.

We live in a noisy environment, sound is important to process the intricacies of the world, what is safe what is not, communication with others and general understanding of the world around us.

Imagine how anxious you can feel if the batteries you are relying on have a tendency to die mid conversation, no one knows why you have just panicked or stopped mid flow, or having to apologise while you change your battery!

Imagine how it feels to have to process every single very loud noise that is sent through your device, there is no natural filter of the artificial volume. It is like wearing head phones with permanently loud music and no way of switching the sound down in case you miss something important in that meeting, lecture or conversation. Can you imagine how tiring that can be?

I get frustrated that I have so much dependency on my hearing devices, I get frustrated that I have a significant hearing difference to others, I get frustrated that it is hidden, I get frustrated that people see it as an age related issue, I get frustrated that there is still such a lack of knowledge linked to hearing difference in 2019.

I get frustrated that in trying to get to grips with hearing difference, I get labels of every other description but still no acknowledgement that Deafness has such a huge impact on confidence, interaction, behaviour and aspirations and that so many still think it is ok to laugh about not hearing things properly.

Imagine not hearing something sends you into an anxiety meltdown.

Imagine not hearing something endangers your life.

Imagine not hearing something makes you a laughing stock AGAIN!

Imagine feeling outcast, misunderstood and angry.

Imagine anger outbursts because of these feelings.

Imagine self harming, because yet again you feel stupid and responded with a stupid answer.

Imagine sitting in your room rocking and crying yourself to sleep because someone laughed at your Deaf response.

Imagine feeling worthless because no one wants to talk to you, because you are weird.

Imagine feeling uncomfortable because you are wearing something in your ear that is itchy and loud and sometimes has feedback and squeaks loud enough for others to hear and then laugh at you.

Imagine being picked on and bullied at school by children and the teachers because they don’t understand Deafness.

Imagine having to filter sound and speech and make sense of it, it takes time. Give me time.

Imagine one day this could be you.

I have lived with this my entire life, I am still learning about myself and my Deafness. Deafness is unique, how it affects people in everyday life is often mistaken for other labels such as ADD, ADHD, ASD and generally being naughty, non-attentive or away with the fairies.

Imagine how many people may have been misdiagnosed because they cannot tell you that they don’t hear the same as you hear and yet they can still pass basic hearing tests.

There is a difference between hearing and processing sound but they are intrinsically linked. The ear is a delicate organ as is the brain and the auditory processor. One little knock to the head could be all it takes to change your hearing.

Please be Deaf aware. Be aware of how you respond to Deaf people. Absolutely never raise your voice or shout at them. Make sure they can see your lips, no glaring lights or strong sunshine through the window directly behind you. Speak clearly and be prepared to repeat yourself if they request.

Deaf people do not need the world around them any louder, just easier to navigate and to be given the respect they deserve. WE are NOT second rate citizens, we contribute as much to society as anyone else. We are still HUMAN.

Imagine being unique.

Sara Marshall-Rose. I was born with congenital Deafness to hearing parents, this has shaped the person I am today as I navigate my way through life in a predominantly hearing world. My life now is surrounded by the joy of dance, a joy that I attempt to spread in increasingly challenging times. Having believed that I wasn’t clever enough to study to degree level, I finally graduated in 2018 with a First Class Honours in Dance and Movement Studies and Education Studies and I am currently studying a Masters in Dance and Movement Psychotherapy.