Rebecca-Anne Withey: You know you’re a deaf parent when…

As any parent knows, raising mini humans is a challenge to say the least. These little people bring out the best and worst in you and have the ability to drive you COMPLETELY NUTS yet you wouldn’t change them for the world.

It’s a hard, yet rewarding job.

And in my six years of being a parent I’ve discovered that there are several challenges that are unique to deaf parents. This isn’t a “WOE IS ME, being a deaf parent is so haaaard” type of blog. Oh no.

Because I think that as deaf parents our instincts are pretty awesome and anyway, we are all just parents after all, whatever type of differences we have.

But as I recently found myself laughing with a friend of mine about the struggles only deaf parents know, I thought perhaps I should share our findings.

You know you’re a deaf parent when…

You find yourself saying “waaaait, I need to use my EYES!” more times than you care to count

As a deaf parent, you don’t have the luxury of listening to your darlings AND doing the shopping/laundry/washing up at the same time. You either lipread the kids OR you focus on what you’re doing. Not both.

This means my grocery trips around Morrisons take an awful long time when my six year old suddenly lay decides to recount his history lesson on the Great Fire of London throughout. So it’s stop – lipread – commence activity.

Deaf parents – we must have the patience of a saint 😉

You get used to being tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tapped

My children know I can’t hear them and must tap, whack, whallop or wave (depending on their level of excitement) to get my attention.

This can be pretty testing especially if you’re tired and don’t enjoy a toddler kicking the back of your chair while you’re driving just so you can see them yell “RED CAR!” Every time they see a red car…

When your children start school they might take some time to understand they don’t need to tap tap tap tap tap their teacher and can, instead, just call their name. Children of deaf parents are wonderfully adaptable though, so don’t worry too much about their lively taps hurting others – they will soon catch on.

Your poor children bump the backs of their heads more than most

Your kiddies will naturally become adept at knowing they have to face you when speaking, and they’ll probably slow down their lip pattern with determined focus when they’re communicating something rather important (like why they MUST have the latest Num Nom/ Shopkins / LOL doll)

The problem is that they’re not always that great at navigating hazards around them whilst facing you and speaking/signing at the same time. Walking backwards into walls, corners of tables, sides of lamp posts are injuries that my poor kiddies know too well. Ouch!

You experience the frustration of not having a clue what your child is saying

You want a blue pen?!
Child: No! A *mumbles* !!
A movie?!
Child: Nooooooo, a *mumbles*
Can you sign it?
Child: *stamps feet* it’s not a FILM, it’s a *mumbles again and starts signing some rubbish*

Yep, you better think quick before child has a complete meltdown. 😂 I would say these frustrations are character building for our children as they have to think outside the box to communicate (I know, not easy when they’re tired and cranky) but you’ll be surprised at how resourceful your children can be.

I tend to work things out when I ask for clues – is it a toy?! is it a food?! and so on and we treat it like a guessing game. But my six year old already reverts to writing tricky words down for me. And one day your child will learn to spell too so they can either write or finger spell for you – and that’ll be the end of the “misunderstanding tantrums!” thank goodness!

You have to welcome non deaf-aware kiddy friends into your house…

If your children are hearing and go to a mainstream school, they will undoubtedly make hearing friends who have never met deaf people. Your children may start talking more “hearing like” in a less clear way, and they’ll forget about tapping and all the deaf etiquette thingies while they’re at school.

So whenever they bring a hearing friend home for the first time, you will have to get the low down on what the child’s name is beforehand… “Is it Max or Matt?! X or Tttttt??!”

You’ll have to triple check via text messages to the child’s mum whether said child has any food allergies. If the hearing child is absolutely IMPOSSIBLE to lipread, ask questions to which they only need to respond with a yes or no. Or bring things out to them, “do you want THIS or THAT?!”

The hearing child will eventually realise that if they speak to your back, they will be ignored and they’ll get the hang of communicating clearly the more they see you. And if your kid daaaaaares to misbehave while they have friends over, feel free to minister a silent BSL warning to keep them in line. 😉

Hearing parents have asked me several times how did you know when your babies were crying or children were calling you?

Well firstly, we have those vibrating alert systems. Hearing aids or implants can help too. And of course when children get older, they tend to run into your room in the middle of the night when they’re upset or poorly.

But I think our best tool as deaf parents is our sense of intuition. We just know. I amazed myself the times I would walk into my child’s room just as they were starting to cry. I just knew.

This instinctive nature also works well when our children say they’re going to sleep nicely, but are secretly laughing and causing chaos in their bedrooms… we just know. Deaf parents might have their own challenges, but we most certainly can’t be fooled.

Being a deaf parent is ultimately the same as being any other kind of parent. You work to the best of your abilities and you find ways of overcoming struggles you may have.

Through it all you hang onto your sense of humour and good nature because you know we are all in the same boat, navigating the storms of childhood with no instruction manual and just doing the best we can.

So how do you find parenting, as a deaf person, challenging? Tell me in the comments below!

Rebecca-Anne Withey is a freelance writer with a background in Performing Arts & Holistic health. Read more of Rebecca’s articles for us here.

She is also profoundly deaf, a sign language user and pretty great lipreader. 

Her holistic practices and qualifications include Mindfulness, Professional Relaxation Therapy, Crystal Therapy and Reiki. 

She writes on varied topics close to her heart in the hope that they may serve to inspire others.