Debbie Lawrence: Why CODA camp is important

I’ve just finished co-organising the 7th annual CODA (Children of Deaf Adults) camp and this year we hosted 72 children and 21 volunteer staff all with one thing in common. We have deaf parents.

This unique experience makes us different from our hearing peers. The first few years of our lives we are raised not realising our parents are any different. To perhaps use sign language, to hear a deaf voice, or for the light to flash when the doorbell goes; to be the first to answer the phone when it rings or to help facilitate communication. These are all normal. 

We only realise this isn’t quite the norm when we get a bit older and we are told by hearing people that pointing is rude. That we are too loud.

We realise that some of the words we had been using weren’t quite the right words or that we had been pronouncing them incorrectly.

We start to notice that we get stared at when we communicate with our parents in public and that our friends start to ask us irritating questions about deaf people; cue questions about deaf people being able to drive. 

We don’t usually tell our friends that our parents are deaf, unless they are just about to meet; not because we are embarrassed, but because it doesn’t occur to us that it’s worth mentioning.

It doesn’t need announcing because the deafness is just a part of them. It’s normal to us. But at some point we become conscious of the difference between life with deaf people versus being with hearing people. Aware that all the norms we use at home with our parents aren’t quite acceptable in the hearing world. So which is right? The deaf way or the hearing way? 

Growing up as a CODA you are often the only person in your school and amongst your hearing peers that has deaf parents. None of your friends will really understand what it’s like to feel awkward at family events because you can’t bear to see your parents sat on the sidelines again; whilst the rest of the extended family can only muster a thumbs up to communicate with them.

The directors of this year’s CODA camp: (Left) Amy Claridge, (Centre) Sandy Deo and (right) Debbie Lawrence.

Neither will they understand the feeling of responsibility to relay information to your parents; not because they have asked you, but because you don’t want them to be excluded. Nor will they understand why you feel the need to use subtitles or use your hands when you speak, even when your parents are not around. 

The only public place you can completely be care free is at the deaf club or a deaf event. There you see your parents come to life – part of an amazing community, where you can just play with the other kids.

When you’re there you aren’t a CODA, you’re just in a place with lots of deaf adults and kids you can run around with. You don’t discuss those awkward feelings that you experience daily in the hearing world. You just live in the moment, playing, but with a feeling that you are somehow much closer to these friends than you ever could be with your hearing friends. 

It’s a strange realisation that the different people you encounter in the deaf half of your world and in the hearing half of your world will never know what it’s like to live in the other half. Only you as a CODA will have that privilege; although sometimes it can feel like a burden.

By sharing frustrations, stories and reflecting on emotions, the experiences are no longer isolating. With each revelation a beautiful web is being spun connecting and linking each CODA, validating those thoughts and feelings and proving that you are not alone. 

CODA UK and Ireland’s summer camp explores these themes and more. This unspoken connection – to recognise that you have a shared cultural experience with other people – is important. It’s important for the sense of self and belonging.

At CODA camp you realise that you don’t have to choose the deaf way or the hearing way- one is not lesser than the other. You can embrace both because you are a CODA.

The camp aims to reinforce pride in having deaf parents and a feeling of acceptance to just be yourself. This is achieved through positive CODA themed chants, sign language games and CODA themed talks.

However it’s our diverse volunteer staff who act as role models and are reflective of the mix of campers that help engineer a space to explore questions around identity. 

Some of the volunteers sign, some don’t; some have one deaf parent and some have two deaf parents. A few of the volunteers are interpreters, some work in the deaf sector, but many have mainstream jobs where they utilise attributes they may not have developed if they did not deaf parents. 

We show our campers that we are proud to have deaf parents and proud to be CODAs because it has given us so many skills and qualities that make us who we are today. That despite us all being very different, there is a community, a space where we can feel connected, where our experiences of straddling the deaf and hearing worlds is understood. 

This years camp sold out in record time – in under an hour! If you would like to be informed about next years summer camp and future workshops or you are a CODA who would like to volunteer at future events please contact info@codaukireland.co.uk to be added to the mailing list. 

Debbie Lawrence is a proud CODA with 2 Deaf parents and has been involved firstly as a volunteer staff member and then as a co-organiser of CODA UK and Ireland’s summer camp for 6 years.