YouTuber and actor Charlie Raine coming to terms with her deafness

I started losing my hearing when I was two years old and then began going to speech therapy when I was three. I completely hid my deafness. Growing up, I didn’t know anyone deaf or hard of hearing. There was no one in my school and no characters on tv shows I could identify with and so I kept it to myself. Only my family knew.

I turned down the sign language lessons I was offered as a child. I turned down the hearing aid I was offered aged thirteen. I was trying so desperately to grow up and fit in in this hearing world, surrounded by hearing people even though I was struggling to hear. My school work was totally affected. As a lipreader, I would miss chunks of information when I was writing what the teacher was saying.

I was a shy child and lacked confidence. My Mam could see that I was struggling socially and so took me to a local drama class. What started as a Saturday afternoon hobby soon became my passion and I would spend every night after school at my local theatre getting involved with as many shows and workshops as I could.

When I left school I went on to a performing arts college and then drama school in London where I got my Masters in ‘Theatre for Young Audiences’. This is where I excelled. The lessons were practical and creative. My confidence was growing and I was really starting to find myself. It was around this time I started volunteering in a children’s hospice and SEN school and learning very basic signs. I was finding it really beneficial to communicate through sign.

Then I kind of hit a point where I didn’t want to hide my deafness anymore. Keeping it a secret was just holding me back. I turned to Youtube. I would watch online tutorials and signed songs. Of course, the best way to learn BSL is with a qualified teacher but for me, at the time, that just felt like a huge leap. Through watching these videos, I became more confident and with a few signs in my back pocket I started going to BSL lessons and studying the levels.

Soon after, I shared a post on my Facebook admitting I’d been struggling to come to terms with my hearing loss. The response and acceptance was so overwhelming. It just felt like a huge weight off my shoulders.

I decided to make my own Youtube channel. I wanted to make the platform I wish I had had all those years ago. Losing your hearing is confusing and frustrating and at times, lonely. I kind of felt like I was part of both the hearing community and the deaf community but at times could feel isolated from both. It’s a weird mix of not being hearing enough and not being deaf enough.

I haven’t actually admitted this before but a part of me made this channel in hope that my hearing friends would learn some signs. I can’t expect my hearing friends to commit their time and finance to BSL lessons just for me.

I hoped if I made basic videos they would watch and pick up a few signs and they totally have! I’ve noticed my hearing friends signing the odd word to me- even just to tell me they’re going to the toilet or asking if I’d like a cuppa. It sounds minor but it has such an impact and makes me feel so much more relaxed.

Alongside acting, I’m also a Researcher/Runner in TV production. After graduating from drama school, I stayed in London for six years but recently left as I felt I was straying from the career path I wanted. My dream has always been children’s TV which has a strong scene in Manchester so I started working in Manchester early March.

I was staying at friend’s houses, viewing flats and trying to find my feet. Then Covid19 happened and all my work was cancelled. Thankfully, I hadn’t found a flat yet so I was able to come back to my parent’s house in Sunderland.

I originally struggled with lockdown. I am known for having a “workaholic” ethos. I would get anxious if I had more than two consecutive days off and so when this began I immediately filled my days- making Youtube videos, decluttering my room, clearing my inbox, literally anything to keep me busy.

It’s actually been quite good for me to learn to chill and to not feel guilty for “doing nothing”.

Youtube is a creative outlet for me; I really enjoy making videos. I noticed in the first few weeks of lockdown that my view count and subscribers were increasing. It’s great to see so many people using this lockdown time to learn BSL but it’s also kind of forced me to take a step back and review my channel.

I’ve always been very honest with my viewers about my deafness journey and learning sign language and my videos have documented that process. I felt it was appropriate to delete all of my videos from four years ago which were predominantly signed songs as I don’t feel like it matches the content I make now.

I would say 90% of my viewers are hearing or hard of hearing who want to learn a few basic signs or connect to my experience. By posting a signed song, if they were to copy it then they’re not really learning what each sign means- it’s kind of just choreography.

I still do the occasional signed song but break it down so the signs are explained. I always state that it’s my interpretation which follows the SSE structure as I’ve seen a lot of content which hashtags all #BSL #SSE #Makaton which I think can be quite misleading. The most common feedback I get is that my journey and basic tutorials have sparked an interest and encouraged people to pursue BSL and so I always share useful links and Level 1 courses.

Since admitting my hearing loss and long term denial, I feel a lot more at peace with myself. I’ve noticed a difference with how I interact both socially and professionally. I’m still learning and I guess finding myself but I now feel more comfortable asking a director to repeat a note or asking a friend if we can meet somewhere quieter/with better lighting.

It’s also been really wonderful incorporating signing into theatre roles. Last year I toured with Taking Flight Theatre Company who specialise in accessible theatre. I’ve also been involved in The Customs House panto for the last two years in signing (SSE) roles. It feels like a huge step in the right direction to make pantomime more accessible alongside their BSL interpreted shows.

The response has been incredible. There was a song in the show where I signed along and it was so gorgeous to see hundreds of families signing back to me. For my first role at Customs House, “Cutlet the Signing Sheep”, I even won a Great British Pantomime Award.

 

Through this work I’ve been able to make friends with a few deaf actors which feels lovely to be accepted and I’m so grateful that they’re understanding and have helped me develop my signing. Here’s to the next part of my journey!

You can see Charlie’s videos on her YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/user/charlielmr6