Insight: My life as a CODA

I was brought up by my Mum who is deaf. Mum is profoundly deaf and wears a hearing aid. My Dad is hearing but he hasn’t been on the scene since I was young. My mum is bilingual and because of that me and my four siblings all use BSL and spoken english too.

I didn’t think much of my Mum being deaf when I was growing up. It was just how things were. When I was little I just knew to tap her to get her attention, it was just a normal way of living for me.

When I brought friends over I would tell them to face her and make sure she could see their lips. I used to feel nervous for my Mum for some reason and hoping she would be comfortable making conversation but she always did put my mind at ease.

Introducing boyfriends to my Mum was always nerve wracking too. Not only was I hoping that she would like them but also that they would be able to communicate with each other. My Mum has never put pressure on me to interpret or do things for her, she’s quite stubborn in that way as she likes to do things herself!

My siblings and I have been quite fortunate that there was never any pressure to interpret and as my Mum used to be a social worker she knew what her rights were and would always demand an interpreter or for our teachers to talk directly to her, not to us. She used to say ‘you’re my child not my interpreter!’ even though there have been many times I wanted to jump in and help.

I remember once at school a teacher said to me “tell your Mum…” something, and my Mum jumped in and said quite firmly “tell me directly, do not use my children to communicate for you.” My mums voice can be quite clear at times, just a little loud at times so she is mostly understood by others.

What I have learnt about deafness and meeting my mums deaf friends is that generally people are quite ignorant unless they’ve been exposed to deaf people personally. If people haven’t been exposed to deafness, they just don’t think about the issues concerning the deaf community.

The biggest misconception people seem to have about my mum/deafness in general is that it’s something to be pitied. A few people have said ‘sorry’ to me when I’ve told them about my mum being deaf, they assume that I’ve spent my life caring for her when that really isn’t the case. Another silly comment that I’ve had is that my mum doesn’t ‘look deaf’ – as though anyone can look deaf!

I wish people could understand that every single deaf person is completely different, there isn’t one type of deaf person at all. I know some deaf people who are shy at talking or communicating with hearing people but I also know some deaf people who are really confident.

One of the funniest memories about being a CODA is my Mum once came into the living room thinking one of my siblings was crying but the sound was actually me singing! I laughed, but it did hurt my feelings haha.

I also don’t like the sound of hearing aids whistling, but it’s nothing major. I guess there are little frustrations to being a CODA like for example I can’t call my Mum across the house if I need something – I have to physically go and get her unless she has her phone on and I can text her!

The advantages of being a CODA are many. We can chat privately on public transport for one thing, haha. I have also made so many lovely friends because I’m part of that community. I’m just really proud that I know and use sign language. I picked sign language up easily just growing up and being around it, but I have to admit the one thing I am terrible at is lipreading!

Having a mum who is deaf has made me more empathetic in general, I always consider other peoples needs and I am happy to adapt – differences aren’t a big thing to me, I think we are all different in some way and I am very open minded too.

I actually currently work in a well known restaurant and I always feel proud to be able to converse in BSL if we get any deaf customers. It makes their day and it makes mine too knowing that I made them feel a little more welcome than usual.

I have just completed a degree in history (my graduation is actually this week!) and I’m really interested in the possibility of becoming a teacher, possibly a teacher of the deaf as I find working with that community really rewarding. I did my work experience at a deaf school and I found it really enjoyable. Everyone was really friendly and they commented on how well I signed which made me really proud. The children were great and I felt like I just fitted in.

I have read a few negative or sad stories about being a CODA and whilst I know it has its challenges I am lucky to say that it’s generally been really positive for me. Being a CODA is something I am actually very proud of, it has made me who I am.

This blog has been written anonymously as part of the Insight series – where readers are invited to share their story or news about their interesting job with The Limping Chicken. If you have a story to share please email rebecca@rawithey.com 

Image courtesy of i-stock photos.