Katie J Redstar: My journey to accepting my deaf identity and thriving as a cochlear implant user (BSL)

To see the BSL translation of this article, thanks to Signly, please click on the signing hands icon at the bottom right side of the page! Then swipe on the text, or click on the play button to see it in BSL. 

Growing up, I always felt alone and different to my friends. I would think to myself, ‘they will never understand how I feel or what I have been through.’

As a young child I lost my hearing suddenly. Yes, that’s right I wasn’t born deaf, I was born hearing. Losing hearing over night is any parents nightmare when their child falls ill. My mum had her suspicions that I had some sort of hearing loss before I lost it completely.

No matter how someone loses their hearing or how old they are at the time it is still a trauma, but in this life many things happen for a reason and quite often we don’t realise at the time why it happens.

Losing my hearing at such a young age did have its challenges, I was nearly 3 years old. To be honest I don’t really remember the process or what happened exactly but I remember the ‘lonely’ feeling, holding on to the hope that one day I’d get my hearing back, hoping one day I’d be like my hearing family.

Back then I was never able to embrace my deaf identity, and I was never accepting of my deafness.

After losing my hearing I was fitted with hearing aids that gave me no benefit at all and then we moved to Leeds when I was 4. I attended a mainstream school which had a deaf unit. I learned BSL to communicate with.

At the age of 6, my Mum had a meeting at school – a general open meeting with the audiologist, about a new hearing device.

Using hearing devices is not as simple as putting a hearing aid in and boom you hear clearer!… it includes having tests to make sure your auditory nerves work, brain & ear scans, hearing tests and months and months of being prodded and poked.

I had to undergo test after test to see if I met the qualifying criteria for a cochlear implant, then I had the anxious and nervous time of having an 7 hour operation. I had to deal with the pain and discomfort after the operation all with the hopeful questions of, ‘Will it work?’ ‘Will I be hearing again?’

I didn’t matter how I felt, never mind what was going through my mind, all I could think of at the time was how I was going to be hearing again with this device.

It was a rough recovery time, after 2 or 3 weeks I was back at school and my implant had not been ‘switched on’ yet. A nasty boy at my school pushed me on purpose at the implant site which caused me injury and slight bleeding, so my Mum had to come and pick me up and rush me to the GP to be checked over. Luckily there were no major issues just a clean up and prescribed painkillers and rest.

Over the next few weeks we were back and forth to Nottingham for the ‘switch on’ phase which took 4 days. To hear sound for the first time after years of hearing nothing was amazing. Things didn’t sound ‘normal’ but my brain needed to adjust to the ‘new’ sounds and I also had speech and language therapy and listening therapy. It was hard work, but I continued over the next few years at home.

Back at school, school life became hell. It seemed that after I got the implant, I DID NOT fit in. I no longer was accepted by my deaf ‘friends’ in the unit, nor was I accepted by my hearing ‘friends.’ I’d never felt so alone like I did then.

Deaf children excluded me because of the bad example deaf instructors set and the way they behaved towards me in front of the children. They would say things like the cochlear implant made me ‘hearing.’ I was proud of my implant but also felt ashamed that others made me feel uncomfortable and singled out.

Even teachers of the deaf made me feel so uncomfortable for the fact they ‘didn’t know how to teach me.’ Hearing children were just as bad with the teasing, because my voice didn’t sound like theirs, so therefore I didn’t fit in with them either.

As I was so isolated and felt so different I never accepted my deaf identity, but I did often try and fit in where I could, attending deaf youth club and deaf play-scheme. I also attended a hearing Majorettes group, I enjoyed the marching and dancing!

Having a cochlear implant has both its advantages and disadvantages. The advantages include learning to hear sounds – it’s not perfect but I can pick up some sounds, learn music, rhythm, and I am able to have spoken conversations with my family.

Over time a lot of hearing people have accepted my voice and my way of speaking. I can choose when and where I wear my implant. The disadvantage is I still miss a lot of sounds, I can’t hear speech clearly, I can’t hear lyrics on music and I can’t do contact sports.

But I am me. I am proud I took the chance with a cochlear implant and I am glad I have some sounds. Society seems to be a lot more accepting of people with cochlear implants both in the deaf and hearing world, and over the last four years I have slowly accepted my deaf identity.

Since accepting it I’ve developed more skills, shown that BSL is my first and proud language and even joined the deaf community, performing signed songs with Unify.

I am achieving so much more than I ever thought I could because I’m no longer rejected and owning my identity as a deaf person with a cochlear implant. I’m no longer being bullied or excluded from things, I no longer feel isolated.

I currently enjoy drama with Leeds deaf drama group, and I performed with Unify for the Queens Jubilee earlier this year.

I have also released 3 books one of them being a best seller, I won an award for the best campaigner of the year all while raising a very young child, teaching signed songs and teaching BSL online.

The last 12 months has been achievement after achievement. This is me, finally owning my identity and my skills and the hard work has paid off.

Katie currently lives in Leeds with her young son. She is passionate about campaigning for equality for both deaf and blind communities as she is deaf and visually impaired herself.