Rebecca A Withey: Christmas and the power of community spirit! (BSL)

To see the BSL translation of this article, thanks to Signly, please click on the signing hands icon at the bottom right side of the page! Then swipe on the text, or click on the play button to see it in BSL. 

Yesterday evening my husband and I made a trip to the church in the village as our children were performing a Christmas play for a fundraiser. It was a bitter cold night so we were grateful that we had seats reserved in a pew that was right next to the radiator by the wall.

“Reserved for special bottoms” the piece of paper read, as the organiser was aware of our deafness and knew we would require front row seats for lipreading. One of the perks of being deaf, I guess – is that it doesn’t matter how late we arrive at organised functions, we are – at least — guaranteed a good seat 😉

Anyhow, I must admit we weren’t feeling particularly festive upon arrival. It had been a long day at work for both of us and that evening felt like an activity that deaf parents ‘grin and bear’ for their kids when surrounded by hearing non-signing people.

There were no interpreters, due to it being a non-school related event with no funding and it felt quite ironic that the Christmas play was taking place slap bang right in the middle of a community sing along.

Yep, we were the two profoundly deaf people at a singalong packed full of people! However, we had already managed to deal with a Santa Claus that we couldn’t lipread earlier than evening, so another 30 mins of lip syncing to songs should be a walk in the park surely?

Shortly before the event began, a group of elderly ladies arrived and squeezed themselves into the pew to sit beside myself and my husband. We smiled politely and one lady said something I couldn’t quite catch. I told her that we were deaf, with a gesture that took her gaze to my hearing aid and I expected that this news would cause her to apologise and say no more.

Well, she did apologise, but then started finger spelling to tell us that she used to work in a deaf school over forty years ago! Our deafness didn’t faze her in the slightest.

I couldn’t believe my eyes. This sweet elderly lady, who at first looked so small and frail was now telling us about the mulled wine she had had earlier to keep herself warm and cracking jokes with a cheeky glint in her eye. Attending events for our children, we have become so accustomed to having to lipread and seeing hearing people mostly keeping to themselves that it was absolutely lovely to meet someone with who we could communicate so easily.

As the event started, the lady asked us to point out which of the children were ours and she introduced us to her two friends beside her. Her friends couldn’t sign but they were so warm and welcoming that I felt like I was surrounded by loving grandmothers. They offered to take photos of my daughter when I couldn’t quite catch her on my camera and they told us whereabouts in the song lyrics we were as everyone sung.

At the end of the night the final song for everyone to join in with was Rudolf the Red Nose Reindeer. Confident that I finally knew the lyrics for this one, I stood up and joined in proudly signing along. I must have been giving off ‘cringey Mum vibes’ as not only did my husband pointedly turn away from me and my cheesy signs but my daughter – who was on stage – clearly signed to me and told me to ‘stop it.!’ I even have her response on camera.

I still wholeheartedly enjoyed signing along with the community congregation, the children on stage and the church choir who were leading the songs. At one point a choir member spotted me signing and they joined in with some of the signs too! It felt like a ‘moment.’

Afterwards, a choir member came up to me and thanked me in BSL for coming along and an organiser said how they’d love to work with me next year to try and incorporate signing into the event. The lovely old lady and her friends met our children and we said our goodbyes, hoping that we would indeed see each other again.

I noticed how I felt completely different leaving the event as I did to when I arrived. I walked into the church, anticipating that the night would be an effort to follow everything and I expected communication to be the struggle that we were nonetheless accustomed to. I left, however, delighted by the ease at which I chatted to someone new and the refreshing embracing attitude they had towards us.

Feeling involved and part of a community is so important for your wellbeing. I usually only find that feeling when I’m with people like me – deaf people that is. When I meet hearing people who are easy to chat to, perhaps know BSL and don’t see deafness as a Big Thing, it truly is special.

Just by saying hello to a deaf person or involving them in some way actually goes a long way to helping them feel involved, valued and seen. Social events are commonly ‘hard work’ for deaf people, even if they may appear as ‘good lipreaders.’ If you are hearing and come across a deaf person, please know that they’ve spent all their life adapting to hearing ways and hearing people and it means so much if you can just meet them as they are.

For my fellow deaf friends and readers, I hope that this Christmas and going forwards you may have moments like I did that take you by delighted surprise.

I hope you meet people who see you for who you are and are interested in you and not just your deafness.

I hope you meet people who meet you halfway with communication and don’t expect you to do all the hard work.

And finally, I hope you meet your tribe. Whether it’s the deaf community, the hearing one, or a bit of in between – there is always a place for you.

Merry Christmas to you all and very best wishes for 2023.

Rebecca x

Rebecca Anne Withey is a freelance writer, performing artist and consultant. She is also profoundly deaf, a sign language user and pretty great lipreader. She writes on varied topics close to her heart in the hope that they may serve to inspire others.