Insight: Life as a deaf mid-40 singleton, hitting the dating scene! (BSL)

My friends tease me that I’m a deaf Bridget Jones – but sadly with no Colin Firth or Hugh Grant on the scene. Most of my friends have settled down, got married and had children – but nope not me. Anytime my friends and I meet up for drinks or a bite to eat, they always want to know the latest about my dating life.

I didn’t plan on being single at the age of 45. I’ve had a few romantic affairs and two year relationships, but for some reason they either fizzled out or one of us had a sudden change of heart. Life is too short to stay with someone you don’t love madly – or at least that’s what I believe.

I am classed as severely deaf and while I do wear hearing aids I do lipread and use spoken english. I can sign quite well but as I rarely see deaf people who sign, I don’t get the chance to use the language much unfortunately. I have one good friend who is also deaf but she lives in London and I don’t see her as much as I would like to.

I live in what you would call a little sleepy village, close to my parents and I work at a place that I adore. The people I work with are fortunately my best friends and I am really happy with the life I have. There is just one thing missing.. a companion to share it with! There aren’t many single men in the village and the only ones who also wear hearing aids are the ones who have a pension… and I’m not too sure about that age gap!

I have many stories about dating and the funny little things that happen related to my deafness. I don’t use dating websites, it’s just not something that appeals to me, so most of the dates I go on come from friends setting me up or if I happen to meet someone on an outing. I’m quite a chatty, friendly person but I have had my knock backs of course.

One time, a friend had set a date up for me. She and her husband were also going to be coming along so it was a double date really. I was really looking forward to meeting this person and having a nice meal out, but after 30 minutes of waiting at the table, he was a no show.

My friends husband called him to find out what had happened and he made some excuse about not being able to come along. I was baffled! It turned out, as my friend later confessed to me, that her husband had casually mentioned to the guy beforehand that I wore hearing aids and this put him off! I think he was expecting me to be an elderly lady!

I also remember the time I was having a lovely time with a new date and I was invited to a meal, to meet the rest of his family. His parents, son and sister and her family were there too. We were all enjoying a meal around the table with lots of chat when my hearing aid batteries went dead! It was like someone had muffled the sound and I found myself mishearing names and laughing at inappropriate things when I wasn’t sure what had been said. Oops! I’m sure they thought I was as mad as a hatter.

I also once thought a guy told me his name was Terry, when in actual fact it was Derek and I proceeded to call him Terry throughout the night and introduced him as Terry to my friend too. No one corrected me until the end of the night. Awkward! I can laugh about it now but I couldn’t stop cringing for a while afterwards!

I try and be upfront about my deafness and tell people what I need for ease of communication. Dimly lit restaurants are quite tricky, and those that blast out Muzak at high volume are really hard to navigate too – some places are worse than others!

I have my favourite cafes and places to visit which are relatively quiet, such as museums and little galleries. These are great for first dates and I always let potential dates know that I may need them to repeat things at times. We have a small, independent cinema a short drive away which shows captioned films around once a month which isn’t too bad but it does mean my options for movie dates are pretty limited!

I like to have a giggle so if I find someone is taking me or my deafness very seriously, it’s quite off putting. My deafness doesn’t bother me in the slightest, I don’t shy away from talking about it either so if its an issue for someone, then it’s definitely not going to work!

I told my friends that I hoped 2023 would be the year where I meet The One. It would be so nice to spend evenings curled up on the sofa with a Netflix series on instead of having to trek into the cold evenings to spend the night at a noisy bar or restaurant. It would also be lovely to be able to travel with someone (as I often take solo trips abroad) and share my experiences with someone else.

Who knows, perhaps my very own Mr Darcy will turn up when I least expect it and if he wears a pair of hearing aids too and is under 50 then all the better! I hope to write back again soon about some more of my adventures as ‘the deaf Bridget Jones.’

Thank you for reading!

This blog has been written anonymously as part of the Insight series – where readers are invited to share their story or news about their interesting job with The Limping Chicken. If you have a story to share please email rebecca@rawithey.com 

Image courtesy of i-stock photos.