Insight: My daughter was bullied because of my deafness (BSL)

This blog has been written anonymously as part of the Insight series.

I am a deaf single mum, I use both speech and sign and I have two children aged 15 and 13. My son is the oldest and my daughter is the youngest. They’re both hearing but they communicate really well with me, they’re really aware and patient and supportive. They’ve also picked up sign language naturally from me.

It was hard when I divorced my husband a couple of years ago as I found myself very alone. I was in an abusive marriage so I found myself living in the middle of nowhere without any friends and no choice about what I was doing with my life.

When I got divorced I moved back to where I grew up and took my children with me. My children had to move schools unfortunately, another hard challenge for them but they took it really well and were happy at first to make new friends.

My son settled in quickly, he is very sporty so he joined lots of clubs and he made lots of friends through that way too. My daughter found it really hard and would cry every morning before school saying she didn’t want to go. I thought it was just the challenge of adjusting to a new place that upset her but it went on for months.

One weekend I was working so both children were staying with my Mum and my Mum FaceTimed me to say my daughter didn’t want to come home that Sunday. She didn’t want to go to school the next day at all.

I couldn’t understand why she found it so hard when my son had fitted in smoothly. Eventually my Mum had a long chat with her and she told her what she felt she couldn’t tell me. She said to my mum that she was being bullied because of me being deaf. She said she didn’t want to tell me because it would hurt my feelings. That really broke my heart.

When my daughter came home I gave her a massive hug and told her she didn’t need to protect me, it was my job to protect her! She told me everything. How the bully had been mocking me signing to her and making fun of my voice. The bully would shove her in the corridor and laugh and say ‘are you going to tell your mum, she wont hear you.’ And there were more horrible, nasty things too.

I felt so guilty that my daughter had been keeping this quiet from me. My son hadn’t seen any of it as they are in different years and the boys group tends to have clubs at lunch time too.

My Mum supported me and together we had meetings at the school to explain what had been happening and why my daughter was so unhappy. The school said my daughter should have spoken up, but it is really hard for someone who is afraid to speak out. I don’t blame my daughter for that at all.

The bully has been disciplined and their parents were informed but my daughter and me still haven’t had an apology. We probably won’t get one. The teachers at the school have also moved the bully to a different form group and separate PE classes, as that’s the only classes they were together. But it still doesn’t feel good enough.

My daughter tells me the bully sometimes looks at her and she still feels afraid, as my daughter isn’t the argumentative type at all. So the bully is still intimidating her. I have asked about moving schools but she doesn’t want to. I think she just doesn’t want to make life any more complicated than it is.

On a good note she has started to make friends in her form now and she brought two girls home recently to meet me. They were really friendly and learnt to fingerspell their name to me which was really sweet.

I want my daughter to enjoy herself and time with friends, it is really unfair that she was singled out because of me. Her new friends have told her that her signing skills are really cool so I hope she realises just how clever and talented she is.

As a Mum I will always feel bad if she experiences challenges because of me. I don’t think people realise how differently you can get treated if you’re a CODA or have a deaf relative etc.

Hopefully now we are settled in a new town and things have calmed down at the school I can look into some CODA clubs for my children to meet other peers who have deaf parents too. I don’t want them to feel alone in their experience. CODA children are really awesome as they are bilingual and part of two communities. I hope one day my daughter will feel that too.

This blog has been written anonymously as part of the Insight series – where readers are invited to share their story or news about their interesting job with The Limping Chicken. If you have a story to share please email rebecca@rawithey.com 

Image courtesy of i-stock photos.