Insight: I learned to sign for my deaf partner (BSL)

I met my long term partner via a dating site. I had been dating for quite some time but had never found the right person. At this time I was in my mid thirties and conscious that the person I choose to settle with would have to really be the “one.” I had wasted too much time on incompatible partners and not really listening to my intuition.

When I saw *Sarah’s profile, I instantly thought she was very good looking. She said how she was a keen traveller and worked in a similar field to me. She also lived not too far away so meeting up wouldn’t be difficult either. I dropped her a message and we started chatting via the platform first.

I found her attitude on life really refreshing, she was a big animal lover, she was funny and something about her really intrigued me. When I suggested meeting she took a while to reply and at first I thought maybe she wasn’t as keen as I was. When I received her text, I was surprised and a little confused.

She said she had something to tell me and she hoped it wouldn’t put me off meeting her. I panicked a bit inside when I read that to be honest. Was she really someone else? Was she a criminal? All sorts of things popped up in my head! I finally read her reply where she told me, “I wear hearing aids because I’m deaf and would prefer to meet somewhere quiet and well lit…”

Rather than be put off meeting her, I was instantly intrigued. I asked if she minded me asking some questions and she said to fire away. I asked her if she lipreads and she said yes although she also signed too. I remember very clearly having the thought “I want to sign to her!”

We arranged to meet at a quiet outdoors cafe we both knew and before meeting I am not ashamed to say I googled everything about signing and deafness. I tried to learn to sign “hi how are you” but when we first met and I signed it, she laughed so I wasn’t sure I signed it correctly! She later told me how amusing I looked and how the awkward signs reminded her of Mr Tumble, ha!

She looked beautiful and I told her so. We had a great first date and she put my nerves at ease as I was so worried about disappointing her or her not understanding me. She was a great lip reader and she still is!

We continued to see each other and I signed up for a local BSL level 1 course. I passed my 101 and 102 and gained confidence each time I went too!

Sarah has a deaf brother and two hearing sisters, her whole family use speech and sign so I felt it was really important I also learn to sign so I could truly be part of the family. Sarah already worked so hard lipreading, it was my turn to make more effort!

I signed up for my BSL level 2 after completing 103 and this helped when I was able to meet up with Sarah’s family and her deaf friends too. I felt I had learnt so much from them all, and really they aren’t any different to my hearing family, it’s just the communication that differs.

Through Sarah I have learnt so much about the world and communication and discovering new things about politics and culture and even things like this news site for deaf people. But her deafness is really just a part of her, its not “her” because I loved her personality way before I even knew she was deaf.

Sarah tells me about past failed dates where she was stood up or men refused to meet her after discovering she was deaf, and you know what I say – it’s their loss. She’s a gem of a woman and I’m the lucky one.

I did have to fund my own BSL training as there are no free courses in my area for partners of deaf people, and this could prevent other interested people from learning BSL too. But there are also so many resources online, like YouTube for example to give you a head start.

Some of my friends were surprised to find out I was with a deaf woman. A couple tried to make stupid jokes but they quickly learned I wouldn’t tolerate that and after meeting her they all fell in love with her too and realised they’d been foolish to be quite judgemental.

So, never say never and if you’re still in the dating world, keep your eyes and mind open to new experiences. Follow your intuition!

To cut a long story short, Sarah and I have now bought a place together and we have a child together! I hope you enjoy reading our happy story and I look forward to reading more insightful blogs on this site to learn more about the deaf world.

This blog has been written anonymously as part of the Insight series – where readers are invited to share their story or news about their interesting job with The Limping Chicken. If you have a story to share please email rebecca@rawithey.com 

*The name Sarah has been used to keep their identity anonymous. 

Image courtesy of i-stock photos.