Tommy Howden: I overcame the barriers of being deaf and working in a female dominated industry to become a role model (BSL)

My name is Tommy and I am a 36 year old man from Essex, living in the seaside city of Southend.  I would like to tell you about my experience of being a deaf man, the barriers that we face, how we are stereotyped, and why these challenges now should be discussed.

When I was growing up, I attended a primary school in Chelmsford with a Deaf unit where I had no signing skills as doctors encouraged my parents not to sign to allow me to use speech instead. For secondary school I was sent to an oral school (total communication) school for the deaf in Brighton.

I remember my first day attending the school in Brighton. I remember being scared, nervous, etc as you would expect most children to be. When my mother left me I was overwhelmed as I didn’t know anyone and found out the majority of the other children signed. This made me lose my confidence as felt I couldn’t fit in.

Over the next few years, I learnt sign language while at school. I felt frustrated as I wanted to go to different schools back home where my friends were and also be home with my family.

I travelled back and forward to Brighton as I weekly boarded and returned at the weekends which I feel affected my home and school life. I was confused as I felt like I had two families. One that I could speak to and one I could sign to. This caused me anger at my own family, but looking back it was the Doctors and education Department of Essex who advised my mother what they thought was best for me which was an oral education.

Whilst at this school I was hit by a car which was caused by a migraine and not seeing or hearing an ongoing car, leaving my right leg damaged in 17 places along with other injuries. I was lucky to still have a leg. I felt the doctors were using my Deafness as an excuse rather than actual reason.

I now had to wear air boots and was expected be in them around a year. I had the focus in my head that I wanted to be able to play football etc which I really enjoyed, and I was actually out of the boot within six months.

After college I was left confused by what I wanted to do. My Mother got me try different things as I was very shy, such as volunteering work for Maldon Town Football club and Maldon council, I was part of the Youth councils too.

My confidence grew after I began working with a man called John who I can never thank enough. He was my male role model, he taught me values and how to always overcome obstacles. He didn’t do it by just talking but by showing me my strengths and showing me what I can do better at. My confidence grew. He decided to retire so I moved on.

I decided to move around Essex and Kent, still having no idea what I wanted to do. I went to a D/deaf employment advisor in Kent who suggested Care work. I was unsure but decided to go for it. It was for a company called Sense who are Deaf-blind charity.

I have never regretted this decision as I was encouraging people whom I supported to feel empowered and able to make their own choices. It made me feel good that I was able to do that. I moved on to the next challenge to develop myself further.

At the age of 21 I was sat in a hospital room and was told my hearing has deteriorated rapidly by the audiologist. They said they would like to refer me to Guys and St Thomas Hospital for a Cochlear Implant. I remember the fear and anxiousness around having it done. Would it work? Would I be accepted as a person with a cochlear in my ear?  What barriers would I face in society if I had it done?

After two years of assessment, I had it done which has benefitted me in many ways, however at times it can be very overwhelming.  I quite remember on the day of switch on, there were moments of panic as the sound of people pulling suitcases over the pavements was horrible and noisy but I also heard birds sing for the first time which overall felt like it was a positive change for me. It made me feel more empowered and gave me confidence to go forward with my everyday life.

I was successful in getting a job in a 60 people care home in Leigh on Sea. This includes residential, nursing and end of life care. I struggled at the beginning as it was a very fast paced environment and I needed to adapt and get other staff to adapt to my needs.

I was then asked to cover a night shift. My 1st night shift was a bit slower paced but with less staff. On my second shift there was a new senior who just been promoted to this role. She was supportive and seemed to know the right words to say and how to motivate me. I became a well loved and respected member of the team.

I did initially felt discriminated against due to me being Deaf by a few staff members however I was able to overcome this by discussing issues and educating them. I was nominated for ‘Up and coming carer’ and ‘Carer of the year’ which unfortunately I didn’t win but I took great pride in being nominated. After 18 months of working here I moved on.

I was then successful in getting a Job as a support worker in Family centres in Essex as I wanted to test myself with a new challenge and get out of my comfort zone.  I really enjoyed this job as it involves working with adults and children. This Job taught me a lot.

I also do crèches for a programme called Freedom relating to Domestic Abuse. This has made me realise the value and importance of me being in this job – something  I never realised before. I feel like I am a role model to the mothers to show them that not all men are the same.

I also won two awards for my work through Covid which were ‘The Company Spirit Award’ and ‘Going Above and Beyond Award’ in Sept 2000. I also was part of an interview for Internationals men’s day.

I then helped set up and promote a Deaf pub in Essex. I was proud to make this different by giving opportunities to others to be involved, especially around Deaf awareness week and Xmas where they could make their own Videos to post such as crafts, Signed songs, quizzes. This attracted the local news such as BBC Essex radio, Essex Echo newspaper and Essex Live. This resulted in boosting the confidence of the D/deaf community and also of people who were learning to sign.

An opportunity then came up with a Drama school called E15 which supported students who were studying for their BA. They asked if I would be a volunteer in their show which gave me the opportunity to include Sign language as part of the show. This whole experience was a unique experience which I always be thankful for.

I will always be thankful to my family who supported me through hard times and picked me up or helped me remember how far I come in life to keep me going.

However throughout all of the jobs I worked in, I feel and believe I have been discriminated against because of two reasons. The reasons being firstly that I am D/deaf and secondly because I am a man. This can be a form of indirect discrimination.

Looking back, I realised how I normally work in a female dominated workforce. This does not worry me anymore as I can only try break down the barriers and try to create opportunities for other men who want try to work in this industry.

By me working in the care industry I feel this shows men are just as capable to work supporting others and also I try to set an example to other men to show them that the world is changing and there are opportunities for them too.

I quite often explain the barriers of being Deaf. I always believe and say I must work 110 percent harder every day to be equal to my hearing peers.

Often it is habits of hearing peers, who lack the basic knowledge and any deaf awareness which leaves me frustrated as it makes it so much harder for D/deaf people. We can only continue to try and educate everyone. I have learnt in my own life and story that I will always have to fight to spread the word and educate others to support the D/deaf people .

I hope people who want to achieve their goals will be able to look up to D/deaf role models because it doesn’t have be anyone famous in the D/deaf community but someone who makes you feel “wow I want to do that.”

As a community we are all role models without realising it. It is important we inspire the next generation with opportunities and strengths to fight for what they want to achieve because you can achieve anything when you set your mind to it with a ‘can do’ attitude.

Don’t be afraid of the barriers but fight them to make your strength stronger. This opens up opportunities for yourself and others

You can see Tommy’s interview for Internationals Mens Day below:

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=pfbid09jVMjCkgRGVNhemCkPF8mUVsfVfU6RUCSCm7bzBoKbCcUV9qXBrY9L5uzKSUcQVfl&id=305653470332268