Rebecca A Withey: Parenting a CODA and applying for secondary school (BSL)

It doesn’t seem that long ago since our son was starting his first day at primary school. We were pleased and relieved to get him into the local village school, thrilled by the small family feel of the school and the fantastic Ofsted report it had.

As deaf parents we were invited to meet all of the staff and have our own little private tour beforehand, which gave us lots of confidence that this school would always be mindful of our own access needs and respectful of our sons identity as a CODA. (Child of Deaf Adults)

As our son started school his little CODA traits were evident in the classroom. He tapped the teachers to get their attention and he even expected everyone to look at him when he was talking. He soon realised that he didn’t need to do that and thus adapted to whichever environment he was in.

I find that CODA’s have an amazing ability to tune into their surroundings and adapt their communication style as necessary. I still remember the surprise on our sons face when he exclaimed “I don’t even have to look at them when they’re talking to me, Mummy!”

Our son has enjoyed all of the school clubs, productions, nativities and Easter services. Over the years the school have delighted us by signing songs and for Deaf Awareness Week our son even volunteered to teach his peers the sign language alphabet. They even booked deaf professionals to visit the school, with comedian John Smith going down a storm with the children one year – they loved him!

We’ve always been comfortable accessing information at the school and we know our son has really been fortunate to have had such a happy primary education.

So the idea of applying for secondary schools ready for next September is a little daunting. It’s not that I don’t like change but secondary education seems full of more uncertainties. It’s so much bigger with so many more choices to make.

And of course as deaf parents, we know that we will be starting all over with a brand new school and thus hoping the school will be confident at communicating efficiently with us.

As I booked places for my husband and I to take our son to open evenings over the past month, I realised that attitudes towards providing interpreters and accessibility vary greatly. One school adopted that casual ‘I’ll see if I can find someone to sign for you’ attitude before falling into the lazy camp of ‘I couldn’t find anyone, can you bring someone with you?’

The school would never admit that despite 4 weeks notice, they left it till 3 days before the event to actually look for interpreters!

Another school point blank told us that they do not provide interpreters for parents (!) – only for deaf children, but seeing as they had never needed to do that they wouldn’t know how to go about it… The staff I spoke to were simply very ignorant about interpreters in general and the Equality Act but fortunately I didn’t like the school enough to have to muster the energy to educate them thoroughly.

On the other hand, two schools in particular were very deaf-aware. One school swiftly booked an interpreter from a reputable agency with no questions asked. And the other – which really impressed me – had information on their website which stated a time slot for any deaf parents to meet an interpreter for the presentation and then take part in a tour around the school afterwards. That’s what you call considered inclusion!

I understand that not all schools have experience dealing with deaf parents or the interpreter booking system, but it really is a bonus when a school that we like the sound of and has a good reputation is also accessible to deaf parents.

I have to laugh at one memory though. When we decided to visit one particular school on a whim, we couldn’t even book an interpreter because we had left it too last minute and we also just wanted a quick look around without any conversation.

I joked to my husband, ‘do you think we can blend in with all the hearing people?’ – assuming that without an interpreter we could just quietly blend in. More fool me! What I soon discovered was that hearing staff members seem to be much more chatty when they assume you are in fact hearing.

One particularly enthusiastic Design and Technology teacher absolutely insisted on showing me all of his woodwork creations and waffling something about the Repair Shop whilst I looked back and forth trying to keep up! All I could do was nod along and smile and pray that someone would interrupt his chatter.

In comparison, whenever an interpreter accompanied us on school visits I found that some staff members were a little awkward around us, not enturely sure of how to interact and so they either smiled and remained quiet or they addressed the interpreter instead of us.

It was all a good experience though and I would say that our deaf senses are really on fire with our intuition picking up accurate judgements of one particular school. Whilst visiting this school which was locally praised, both my husband and I had an unsettling feeling walking around.

Despite our friends saying they ‘loved’ the school – I suspect they were charmed by all the free cakes and sweets the school were handing out, my husband and I both felt something was off. Walking around the corridors  and school grounds, something just didn’t feel right.

Our intuition was proved correct when another friend who works in education later told us in confidence that the school was currently facing huge problems with student safety, violence and misconduct during break and lunch times. No wonder my husband and I picked up on all those vibes during our tour!

We have now finished all of our school viewings and have made the application for our son, choosing the one he absolutely loved (and we did too) as his first preference. All we can do now is wait until March to find out which school has offered our son a place. We’ll keep our fingers crossed that its the one we all loved.

To all of the other parents applying for their childrens secondary school places – good luck!

Rebecca Anne Withey is a freelance writer with a background in Performing Arts & Holistic health. She is also profoundly deaf, a sign language user and pretty great lipreader. She writes on varied topics close to her heart in the hope that they may serve to inspire others.