Insight: Reflections on being a black, deaf man in Britain (BSL)

This article is anonymous. Watch the BSL translation by Ahmed Mudawi below, or scroll down to read in English.

I am a black, deaf man and I have hearing parents. I’m the only deaf person in my family. I moved to England when I was two years old from West Africa as my Father was offered a job here and when my parents realised I was deaf they knew it would be better to bring me up here compared to back home.

Growing up I feel like I didn’t learn much about my family’s black culture. None of my family signed and unfortunately in their culture deafness was seen as something that carried a lot of shame.

My mum would try to be patient with me but my Father often lost his temper and became irritable asking me questions I did not understand. I did not behave in a way he wanted me to behave so he often lost his temper and as a child I felt afraid of him. He often punished my hearing siblings and I, but lucky for them they understood why they were being reprimanded.

I was eventually sent to a deaf boarding school and there I learned sign language and made friends. I loved school but I struggled during the holidays. They were always a very lonely time for me. I wished I could have stayed at school as I felt my family didn’t understand me and vice versa.

At home my hearing family would make decisions for me, speak for me and give me strict rules about curfews and who I was supposed to socialise with. I felt trapped.

I was very frustrated and angry with my family growing up and although I’m a grown adult now with my own family and I have made my peace, I still find it very sad to reflect on.

I don’t consider myself close to any of my blood relatives instead most of those who are close to me are from school or social settings. My friends became my family.

The boarding school I went to did not have many other black children so that was an extra reason that deep down inside I felt different. I would also be very jealous of friends who had happy relationships with their families. I feel I have had to learn about my own identity both in my deafness and in my ethnicity too.

Over the years I have begun to research my own family tree, tracing family members across the world and discovering more about black culture too.

Having information about the religion and culture my family brought me up in, makes me feel clearer about why they did what they did back then. I understand why they felt such shame and anger because of attitudes other people in the family had towards them. It is a shame.

I have also since made friends with other black deaf people with similar experiences and it feels good to share what we went through and support each other. We are a minority within a minority.

I don’t want to upset my parents which is why I chose to write without my identity. Despite my strict upbringing I am grateful to them for the good education I had and the sacrifices they made for me.

I am now a parent myself and often take my children to events and activities that celebrate our west African heritage. It is important to remember your roots to know who you are and where you came from. I can now celebrate who I am instead of being ashamed of it. I wish that for every other black deaf person.