Paola Brolis: As hearing parents we are giving our deaf daughter access to everything- including BSL! (BSL)

The day our daughter Everly was born, just over two years ago, was the best day of our lives. She is our first and much desired child, our one and only.

However, not even 24 hours after she was born, she ‘failed’ the newborn hearing screening test. We didn’t think much of it, and we were told ‘it may just be fluid from the c-section’.

The following day, Everly ‘failed’ the test again – and so we were referred to our local audiology department for further testing.

Everly was 15 days old when she was diagnosed with severe to profound bilateral sensorineural hearing loss.

We were shocked, devastated and completely heartbroken. “How is it possible? No one in our family is Deaf! And now? She will never hear our voices! She will not have a good life!”

We knew absolutely nothing about Deafness and knew nobody who was Deaf. I was a new mum ‘learning the job’ as our families live abroad (in Italy) and my husband and I were left alone in total despair. A huge dark cloud was taking away the most precious moments with our amazing newborn.

Lots of hospital appointments came one after the other to determine the cause of her deafness and her eligibility for cochlear implantation.

My love for Everly was even stronger- and I started learning British Sign Language straight away, to be able to communicate with her and give her a language. We weren’t pushed to do it by doctors, it was our decision.

Luckily, our council (Essex) provided a free BSL family course, so we jumped at the opportunity.

It’s hard enough to learn a new spoken language (and English isn’t our first language) but WOW, learning a signed language isn’t easy. It takes time, dedication and motivation.

Everly’s first sign was ‘mummy’ at eight months old, just days before Mother’s Day! It was the BEST gift I could ever receive – I was so proud of her!

Fast forward to today, Everly understands more than 300 signs and uses more than 50 on a daily basis. BSL is her first language. She never ceases to amaze us. So curious and clever, she picks up new signs every day and keeps me on my toes!

But the most important thing is: we now have several Deaf friends who have accepted Everly and us in their community, and have been absolutely fantastic and supportive in sharing precious information to guide us.

We also have a Deaf mentor that visits us monthly to provide us with support in developing Everly’s BSL skills – we feel like she’s part of our family.

I am now studying BSL Level 2 and I am proud to be able to have a signed conversation with her and all our other Deaf friends.

When I look back, I realise there is A LOT of change needed. Why? Because Deafness is not a medical condition, it’s not a disease (yes – that’s how a nurse called it when asking me about Everly!)

Deaf people have completely normal lives, they are happy, have friends, good jobs (and an incredible heart!) so WHY were we not introduced to someone who could have told us all this when Everly was born?

Why did everyone make us feel like we should be sorry for who our daughter is?

Because of the WRONG ASSUMPTION that society makes that Deafness is something to be afraid of, something that will take your life away.

Since Everly came into our lives, we have only gained – and I am honest in saying this – whilst of course I do have worries that all parents have, I KNOW with certainty that yes, there will be challenges, but as long as my daughter grows proud and confident in who she is, she will take on those challenges and thrive.

She is also a bilateral cochlear implant user, because why not? Technology these days can do a lot to support Everly, especially from a safety point of view – to help her hear environmental sounds.

Whether she will be able to develop a ‘usable’ speech is something we will find out with time, due to her complex inner ear anatomy that makes her a ‘difficult’ case.

We, as parents are giving her all the options – she will be the one to decide how to communicate when she’s a grown up!

And if she says ‘Mummy, I don’t want cochlear implants – I want to sign’ – it won’t surprise me, because she’s Deaf. And we will continue to sign away.

Back in September my local council agreed to my proposal of installing BSL signs boards in all of ten local playgrounds to promote accessibility and inclusion for Deaf children and promote Deaf awareness. The image in this article is of Everly by one of these boards.

Paola is a hearing mum raising her Deaf daughter Everly with her hearing husband Stef. Paola is passionate about advocating for her daughter, learning BSL and spreading Deaf awareness. You can find Paola documenting her BSL journey with Everly here.