Insight: My Deaf church kept me going when my wife died (BSL)

I came to the deaf world really quite late in life. I was actually in my early 50s when a social worker I saw suggested I go along to a social morning and meet some other deaf people.

That was a shock for me. I couldn’t sign a word yet everyone was really welcoming and very slowly I got better and better at communicating with everyone. If it wasn’t for everyone being so friendly I don’t think I would have kept going but I felt very welcome.

I also really enjoyed the social get togethers, joining coffee mornings, bowls and arranging outings.

It was there that I met my soon to be wife. I always thought she was very attractive and polite and Lovely to talk to but I thought she must have been married.

Soon I found out she wasn’t married and even though she was a lot older than me, we decided to give it a go together and after quite a short courtship we got married. We didn’t see the point of waiting.

My wife was quite a religious lady and she attended deaf fellowship groups as well as the deaf church on a Sunday. I had never had good memories of church myself, being forced to sit in a church as a child without understanding what was going on. But I decided to go along with my new wife anyway.

I enjoyed these outings and I felt like everything was more easy to understand and I also felt welcome and supported.

Sadly my wife suffered a stroke and while she was in hospital she passed away. I was heartbroken. I stopped going to the coffee mornings and bowls, I had no motivation to go, I just wanted to stay home.

Sometimes people would call round and the doorbell would flash but I’d just ignore it till they went away. Then one time the doorbell wouldn’t stop flashing and a note came through the door. It was my old friends at the church saying they were worried and would be on my doorstep until they could see I was okay. That made me open the door of course.

I still felt heartbroken and lonely but I was persuaded to go along to the deaf fellowship my wife previously attended, they said they’d pick me up and drop me home after so I didn’t need to travel alone anywhere. I went and I’m glad I did.

The group helped me to ask questions and feel reassured. I was very sad and angry by what happened to my wife and I felt able to talk about it in the group. They were very patient with me.

I don’t think you ever get over losing someone but it gets more manageable to carry with you. The deaf church group helped me to find ways to carry that sadness with me without isolating myself at home. I know my wife wouldn’t have wanted that.

I know some people are wary of church groups but in my experience they’ve been very supportive and went the extra mile to make sure I was okay. A lot of people are there for you until the funeral and then you’re on your own expected to move on.

So, my advice if anyone is going through a loss or feeling alone, I know it’s hard but you need to keep moving and get yourself out there amongst other people. It might not be a church group for you but something that you enjoy and feel comfort from is the main thing. It doesn’t mean the person wasn’t important to you, but you need to carry on with your life.

This blog has been written anonymously as part of the Insight series – where readers are invited to share their story or news about their interesting job with The Limping Chicken. If you have a story to share please email rebecca@rawithey.com 

Image courtesy of i-stock photos.