Insight: I lost my hearing as an adult in the armed forces (BSL)

I used to work as a dog handler with tracker dogs on military operations checking areas were safe and unfortunately this one time was when disaster struck. I got blown up and broke almost 100 bones in my body. To this day, I think I have more metal than anything else in my body!

Sadly the dog I was working with at the time was killed and after the accident I was rushed to a military hospital where they started the humongous job of piecing me back together. It took two years of recovery until I was able to be released and return home.

When the accident happened I remember being stunned by the sharpest, loudest ringing in my ears I have ever heard. It was like a cacophony of noise and even after some time later my ears were still buzzing and it felt as though everyone was on mute.

Recovering in hospital was a real ordeal, not just physically with the countless operations but also mentally as I replayed what happened in my head and blamed myself for a series of choices that I could have done differently.

Because of how injured I was, it took me over half a year for me to realise that my hearing wasn’t the same. At first I thought maybe it was the bandages, the injuries, the drugs. Anything really. But eventually it became apparent that my ears had been severely damaged by the blast.

Doctors confirmed the deafness with tests but it was the least of our worries as I had to learn to move again as they pieced my spine back together, fused my pelvis into place and used rods to hold my legs up and my arms together.

It’s been over twenty years now and I haven’t been able to work since the accident so I’ve had a lot of time address through mental struggles I had.

Back then, PTSD wasn’t really a known thing or talked about much. But nowadays I’m glad to see more conversations are had about it.

The one thing that I’ve found the most challenging is dealing with losing my sense of hearing.

Because of the damage to my head and ears I’m unable to wear any kind of amplification aid so there’s nothing in any sense that will give me any sound at all.

My head isn’t silent though, far from it. It’s a constant cacophony of noise, ringing and buzzing.

I try to find things to distract me from the constant noise and reading about how other people cope with later life deafness is really reassuring to know about. I don’t feel like I’m the only person this has happened to.

A lot has changed though. Before the accident I was very sporty and staying fit and strong kept my mind healthy too.

Nowadays I enjoy gentler things such as chess and puzzles to give my brain some exercise but go easy on my body.

My wife has been my absolute rock through everything and we’ve managed to find a way of chatting together again. She also takes on the responsibility of letting people know I can’t hear them.

We recently adopted a dog from a rescue centre. This was a big thing for me as I was a dog handler in the Army so it was bittersweet having another dog by my side again.

The best thing about my canine best friend is that they’re always there for me but they never talk back – so there’s no effort needed to understand them!

I’m not sure how I’ve naturally learnt to lip read, it was impossible to begin with and I would get so frustrated with myself but I find it easier nowadays, the brain does anything to adapt doesn’t it? Sometimes I feel like I can hear someone’s voice, even though I physically can’t.

My wife has recently retired and we’ve started going out more together, which has been good for her not stuck inside with me after work and it’s also been good for me to see new sights and change the scenery around me.

I am lucky to be alive, I know that, and the fact that I’ve been here to see my daughters grow up and meet my grandchildren has made all the struggle and challenges definitely worth it.