Insight: None of my family sign and so they don’t really know me (BSL)

I was deaf from birth and and grew up orally with my hearing family. I have hearing aids – which I hate wearing and I’m most comfortable without them.

I was lucky enough to go to a deaf school for both primary and secondary education and it was there that I learnt sign language and made friends with others just like me. So at least my parents made a good choice with my education.

But living at home and being around my family has been very isolating.

In fact, to explain my point, recently my Uncle died and it was only by reading his funeral obituary that I found out more about him.

In all the times that he had visited my family home or that I had been to his house he never once had a proper conversation with me.

I didn’t know where he had worked, what pets he had growing up, what school he went to, what he did with his life. Did he travel? Did he play sports as a kid?

All I knew was he was my Uncle and liked his tea strong with one sugar.

For a long time my role in the family has been the “quiet one” which frustrates me because with my friends I’m anything but quiet.

But because I don’t have clear speech my family have always spoken for me and made assumptions such as giving me drinks at family gatherings instead of asking what I would like.

I once brought a deaf boyfriend home but never again. My Mother was embarrassed by our signing outside the house and “causing a scene” and my boyfriend was surprised by how submissive and quiet I became at home.

Sometimes I have problems that make me feel sad or get me down but I feel like I can’t tell my parents. I can’t say the words I want to say clearly and easily. I know they’ll ask me to repeat myself and the moment will have gone. It’s too much hard work sometimes to express myself to them.

My family don’t really know me and I don’t really know them which is sad but they are able to access my language. So why won’t they bother? I can’t learn to hear or speak like they do.

My parents have used every excuse going. Firstly they said I spoke so well (which I don’t!) that I didn’t need to sign and that signing would ruin how well I do.

They’ve said that they’re too old to learn, that they are not clever enough, but most of the time they just insist that I don’t need to sign.

I feel envious of people whose family all sign to them. They must feel part of their family and feel included and valued. I feel like I have worked so hard just to lipread and speak and swallow my pride by being the good quiet one who does what everyone asks and doesn’t express any complaint.

When I see materials about sign language awareness week online I don’t bother sending anything to my parents anymore because they never respond and they don’t understand that I’m nudging and asking them all the time if they would learn signing for me.

Because of this sadly there will always be a barrier between my family and I. And this time I know for sure that it’s not my fault.

It’s not my deafness or my speech. I didn’t do anything wrong. It’s simply the fact that they can’t be bothered to meet me halfway and learn to communicate with me.

This blog has been written anonymously as part of the Insight series – where readers are invited to share their story or news about their interesting job with The Limping Chicken. If you have a story to share please email rebecca@rawithey.com 

Image courtesy of i-stock photos.