Book review: ‘He Speaks in the Silence’ by Diane Comer – review by deaf reader Sam Anderson (BSL)

I personally suffered Sudden Sensory Neural Hearing Loss at the age of 41 (I am in my late 60s now) and so I was particularly fascinated by how Diane, a lady of faith, would describe her own experience of losing her hearing. From the offset, I found her writing incredible personable with many aspects that a later-deafened person can relate to.

What is striking from the very beginning, is how much shame and frustration there is around losing your hearing as an adult. Diane recounts how at the age of 26 she would hide from people, avoid social settings and group conversations because of the fear of not understanding what was being said. I could relate to the shame as I initially found myself feeling embarrassed when I could no longer follow conversations.

There were clues there all along in Diane’s early life that she was losing her hearing, yet she chose to ignore it in the hope that it would go away.

While she was raising very young children and babies, Diane noticed that her hearing had dropped to the point that she couldn’t pick out the sound of a telephone ringing. When her friends asked her about this, she decided – with huge reluctance – to get her hearing checked out.

During her medical appointments, Diane describes how she was hoping there would be a reason for sounds being so muffled – her recent pregnancy, post-natal hormones – anything but what she was actually told. There was so much shame around the idea of possibly being deaf.

It was startling for me to read how bereft Diane felt upon her diagnosis, which actually is evidence that our hearing society does not generally accept deafness as anything other than a disability or inconvenience. I was even tempted to put this book down when Diane began ‘wallowing in her sorrows’ at becoming deaf, but I persevered to the end – and I am glad I did.

Diane described what most hearing people – with no exposure to deafness – would fear or feel if they lost their hearing. She was afraid she would not hear her children’s voices, her husband’s voice and that she would no longer be able to take part in her Church services, or sing their songs of worship. She was afraid of so much. So she did what any good Christian would do – she prayed.

It was in these pages afterwards that I felt filled with admiration as Diane recalls how ‘God told me to listen to him.’ Becoming deaf has never harboured my own spiritual faith and I loved this spiritual element and biblical references throughout the book – which may not be for everyone but it was perfect for me. There are many examples of being encouraged to see things differently, and many verses of comfort and reassurance that Diane shares throughout.

I was disappointed that the author was told that she should not learn sign language, and that ‘it was only for those who are born deaf and need to function within deaf culture.’ This saddened me as – even though I became deaf late – I have chosen to also learn sign so that I can communicate with more people.

When I lost my hearing I relied greatly on my support network at my own church and they brought in some fabulous people who enabled me to learn the tools and resilience I needed to go forth in the new chapter of my life. I saw sign language as a great tool, perhaps for “back up” if my lipreading and listening skills failed, and also as a way of reaching out to other people who use sign language.

That said, I am aware that the author has only hearing people around her who use speech and so I can understand her decision to focus on lipreading and using a cochlear implant to gain some sense of ’normality’ or connection to her old life. I have met so many different ‘types’ of deaf people in the last two decades that it would be wrong of me to assume what is right for one person is right for another.

It could be said that the authors gratitude towards her cochlear implant and ability to ‘hear again’ may be off putting for a lot of deaf readers. Yet it does go into detail about her ability to use sound memory and the skills she developed intuitively to listen again.

There is also a paragraph towards the very end where she describes how she often delays putting on her implant in the morning, she takes her time to enjoy the silence and even states how she really ‘likes it that way.’ She mentions the irony of this realisation – ‘ that the silence I once feared is now my refuge.’

On the whole it was really inspiring to see how the author moves from fear to faith and from denial to acceptance throughout her journey. I was glad she highlighted the controversy around cochlear implants, the deaf culture in the US and how much hard work it actually takes to use an implant after it has been switched on. She highlighted the notion of accepting who you are and no longer being ashamed of it or dishonest about it.

If you’re looking for an inspirational autobiographical read with a Christian edge, I recommend ‘He Speaks in the Silence.’ If you know any other similar books I would be grateful to read your recommendations in the comments below. Better still, are there any book clubs people may recommend? Please comment if you know of any.

Thank you for reading.

By Sam Anderson – a keen reader who spends her retirement days mostly with a book in hand, enjoying life with her two cats, pottering in the garden, and baking for her three grandchildren.