Melissa Wiseman on the joys of home educating and how she’s adapted to losing her hearing (BSL)

I will never forget the first day of home educating. My daughter never went to school, so as many of my friends posted pictures of their children dressed in uniform at the front door, we sat in our pjs eating breakfast.

I had both a sense of underwhelm and of joy. Our morning wasn’t changed, we were carrying on as normal. We were just living, and her education was an open book that began the day she was born. The decision felt easy for me then because she absolutely was not ready, struggling with health, and could not have thrived in school.

But here I am, 8 years later, a single mum to a 12 year old, and still home educating. Like every parent, there are times I doubt decisions I make, but I say with certainty that this was the best one I ever made for my child.

When I began home educating I was hearing. My hearing has declined over the last 6 years and now I feel I sit between two worlds. I present as hearing, people assume I am hearing and in the perfect environments like my own home I dont think about my hearing loss too much.

But when I step out my house and into other environments I realise I no longer feel hearing as I need accommodations. I need to be able to lipread, I need no background noise and I sometimes need support.

But whilst I feel like I am having endless battles within healthcare and housing, home educating has probably been a blessing because I am not having to navigate that within schools too.

There are a lot of misunderstandings around home education, what it’s like and what you have to do, so people don’t view it as a choice they can make.

Home education isn’t about any singular set of things and therefore individual needs, for both the child and parent can come first, and it is this freedom that can be wonderful.

When I am at home with my daughter it is calm – well as calm as any household with preteens can be! It is set up to meet our needs, the environment, our routines and our lifestyle. I don’t have to think daily about walking into a school which I know I would find difficult.

There are frustrations in communication between myself and my daughter – understandable because my hearing loss is still new to her – but we are learning together how to navigate that on a daily basis.

When there is so much freedom, a day can look a million different ways. When she was little our days involved learning through play, outdoor time, nature study, building friendships, sharing stories, and with a child who loved to draw and paint, a lot of mess!

Now it looks different at 12 – except for the mess! Art projects are more in depth, everywhere you look you will find evidence of a creative childs work, the kitchen table regularly piled with drawings and crafts.

She joins a few online lessons and we do a few structured tasks too. Many things remain unchanged, our approach is focused on connection; with each other, with friends, and the world around us. She enjoys the same comic club lesson since she was 6, and is now an expert in character design.

The core family values we have underpin her education so although it looks different now the key messages in her learning remain the same – enjoyment, fulfilment and wellbeing.

It is that which I focus my energy on rather than any set expectation and this to me is just parenting, so for all of this my hearing isn’t a barrier, its like the rest of my parenting experience. As we are in our home we are making it work for us.

If we want to meet up with people we choose what we want to access whether thats a group, a social meet or an online class. We look first for what works. finding things that work without having to struggle to communicate.

I ask for adaptions or consider whether I will be able to access everything. This is way easier than being stuck dealing with one organisation – or one school. I always have a choice to walk away.

I think this is the fundamental reason it feels there are less barriers. Its not that they don’t exist, I am sure if I try to replicate school at home and want to employ tutors, follow the national curriculum and not do anything different to school, then I would feel many access barriers from my deafness alone.

The barriers would include communicating with multiple people, dealing with unsolicited phone calls, demands for verbal communication and no access to interpreters or lip-speakers, still needing to hear from others what is happening in my child’s education

All of these things would exist, but it isn’t a problem for us because thats not home education – its why we very importantly distinguish between the use of the words school and education. Here in the UK we have freedom to choose, and so for those of us home educating, we do not replicate school, we create a life of education that works for the family.

I don’t have to consider whether my contact needs will be met, or whether I will be informed adequately if my child needs me – because she is more typically with me.

Every step of the way in my daughters education I’m not struggling to access information, or making sure I’m fairly involved and having to consult on this, because I am the one arranging everything with my child at the heart of it all.

I can imagine how there would be fears of isolation or worrying about communication with others. But many of these worries are unfounded because the very basis is freedom to provide for the individual. You choose what where and who.

Home educators also come from all walks of life, you will meet people with disabilities, different cultures, different native languages, different levels of their own education, and different levels of wealth. Don’t ever assume that you need to be anything in particular to home educate.

I had nothing when my daughter was small, yet her education cost very little – a supply of paper and pens, lots of time outside and a swimming lesson once a fortnight because I couldn’t afford weekly.

Sure, there may be more costs now but when I look at the cost of secondary school uniforms it doesn’t seem bad.

I also was a working mum, nannying, taking my daughter with me to work too. I have done my fair share of standing in playgrounds talking to teachers, sorting homework, attending school plays and writing in accident books.  It is not hard for me to imagine the barriers of school because I saw what the expectations were like.

There are challenges in home education, however the community is large and there are opportunities to attend lots of group things. These still come with the same difficulties all large group things would have, but unlike the experience of every day conversations in the playground or trying to communicate with a teacher in a busy class, the difference again is choice. I don’t have to go.

Nobody knows what they’re doing in parenting. I had worked in various childcare settings for 15 years before I had my own child and was I prepared? No, but every difficult situation your child goes through, you show up and you figure it out. You don’t always know what to do but you don’t give up.

Home education is no different to those times, for me its just showing up in a different way. Its knowing that if I don’t know, then I will find out. I may learn in advance, learn alongside, or maybe I ask for someone else’s help.

You do not need to know everything, or reluctantly teach them the subject you hated, you just need to know you will show up for them like always and that you will find a way.

For that reason don’t let anyone tell you your deafness means you can’t, because you will find your own ways to navigate it, just like you do other parenting tasks. As a parent, your deafness wont stop you being able to home educate anymore than it affects your parenting in any other situation.

Thats not to deny there will be challenges, I’m certain there will be, but you choose how to navigate them, you choose what needs to happen and then you action it. if you accept its about a lifestyle and don’t have expectations of what home education should look like, then you will slowly find the things that work for you and your family.

Home ed is vastly different to school where your only choice is to fight for adaptions and accommodations rather than choosing to change the environment or the process or the method of communication.

A good education is one that leaves you wanting more, and a good education shouldn’t involve fighting for access and reasonable accommodations. These are virtually eradicated for me with home education.

Yes I am exhausted, but I’m exhausted having given my energy to my child and seeing her thrive rather than exhausted from trying to get others to understand needs and usually only marginally succeeding. This is a choice I gladly make every day.

For anyone considering home education or wanting to learn more, https://www.educationotherwise.org/ is a fantastic website to start with which will prepare you and answer all your questions and provide you with all you need including template letters for de- registration.

By Melissa Wiseman