Paola Brolis: My views on parenting a deaf child (BSL)

Recently, I have been watching a programme hosted by Nadeem Islam on See Hear with topic of discussion: parenting deaf children. The panel included both deaf and hearing parents.

It has been incredibly helpful to see all the different approaches in parenting children of different ages – the challenges and the barriers, and to receive advice from people who have a lived experience of those.

The reason why I am writing this piece is to participate in that discussion and share my views and feelings on the subject.

Everly was born deaf and she is the first deaf member of our family. Prior to her arrival, no one in our family had ever met a deaf person, so it has all been very new and a learning process for us since.

I’ll spare you the gruelling journey through medical appointments that led to Everly having cochlear implants, a (not easy) choice we made for her in order to give her ALL the opportunities and being able to choose her preferred method of communication once grown up.

To me, parenting a deaf child means:

Accept and understand that my child is deaf.

When you hear the ‘diagnosis’ (just a couple of weeks after they’re born), is a huge shock, and I cannot deny that. It’s been a huge shock for myself 3 years ago, and for my husband of course. Fast-forward to today, my feelings would be VERY DIFFERENT if we had another deaf child.

Why? Because in these 3 years, we have met many deaf people, loving and supportive, we have seen first hand that they all have a normal life, YES with challenges, hard challenges (society imposed!), but there’s no ‘I’m sorry your child is deaf’ narrative.

I don’t accept that. There is nothing to be sorry about being deaf. I’m sure that if you ever met a deaf child, you would understand what I mean. Ours is happy, sociable, curious, kind, clever…a real character.

Everly is…..a normal 3 year old!

These days, deaf children have the option of having very advanced hearing technology. Cochlear implants are a massive help (for some, not for everyone). And it’s a great opportunity, too great to let it go. So take it!

However, your child is STILL deaf. A deaf child does not magically become hearing when supported by technology. There are many struggles in that: listening fatigue, concentration fatigue, headache, being overwhelmed by sound. These are just a few. Hearing is not natural for a deaf child, and it’s a lot of work.

Give them language.

There are so many different types of deafness, pre-lingual (before speaking), post-lingual (after speaking, acquired deafness – due to trauma or surgery) so communication methods vary a lot.

We decided to give Everly FULL ACCESS to language through British Sign Language (BSL). I started learning BSL very soon after we were told she was deaf. I started signing to her when she was 8 weeks old (yes THAT early!).

Children are real sponges and their brains in the first years of life are extremely receptive to learning! So why not having a bilingual child?? Why only picking one language when they can have 2? Or 3 later in life!

It’s been difficult, I must tell you, splitting my time between learning BSL, doing speech therapy every day, juggle all the hospital appointments and.. just being a mum! (A first time mum too, I must add!)

But today, Everly’s signing is developing really well and we can communicate freely whenever we need to! BSL is her first language (and my third) and I am SO THANKFUL we decided to go down that road (despite not being encouraged to do so by clinical staff!)

When we are out in noisy environments and she cannot hear me, we sign. When she’s unwell and doesn’t want her ‘magic ears’, we sign. When she’s tired and overwhelmed by sound, we sign. When we go swimming, we sign.

It’s so important to have full access to language, don’t we all have it? So why deny that to a deaf child?

Think long and hard and choose the right educational setting.

Oh dear. This is a difficult one and a huge issue these days, isn’t it? We, parents, are now forced to make very hard decisions that will most likely impact our children’s lives in the future.

‘Shall we pick a mainstream school? There is one so close to our house that has such a good reputation……they can have 1:1 communication support! BUT no deaf peers there. Will they feel isolated?’

‘Or shall we send them to a school with a deaf provision? It’s a bit further from home, but they will have access to sign language there! AND there are deaf children and smaller classes more appropriate to learning and noise reduction.’

‘I would really like to send my child to a deaf school. There, they can develop their deaf identity, have role models and deaf peers to bond with…. but……it’s 2 hours away! 3, 4 hours away! How do we do that? Shall we relocate? We can’t afford it!’

There are only 22 (well, 21 from next August 2025) deaf schools in the WHOLE of the UK, does this make it possible for parents to decide to send their child there?

I have many friends (hearing and deaf) who are currently battling with this decision, and all I can say is….. I have learnt that parents of deaf children have MANY battles to fight, many wars to win…we have a thick skin, getting thicker and thicker in fact.

No, it’s not fair, but it’s the reality of things.

So, which is the ‘right’ educational setting – you may wonder?

It’s the one where you, as a family, can fully support your child in the many ways they need, challenges included, fighting constantly for what it’s their right to have.

Yes, unfortunately the society we live in has still A LOT to learn, a lot to change, a lot to understand when it comes to accessibility and inclusion.

For me, it means recognising we’re all unique with our own needs and making the place we live in (the world!) one with less barriers as possible so that we can all feel good in our skin.

Until then, thank goodness we have our deaf children!

Paola is a hearing mum raising her Deaf daughter Everly with her hearing husband Stef. Paola is passionate about advocating for her daughter, learning BSL and spreading Deaf awareness. You can find Paola documenting her BSL journey with Everly here.